IS THAT A LIGHTSABER IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME.......BQ USES THE FORCE TO KEEP HIMSELF AWAKE THROUGH "LAST jEDI"

     Bummer......we found out we're not officially the last person on earth to see "Star Wars: The Last Jedi".......

             Turns out there's Marty Hershheiser, a 26 year old, 400 pound guy living in his parents' basement in Waterloo, Iowa........the day before he planned to pitch a tent in front of the multiplex to wait for the premier, he crashed his electric Wal-Mart shopping cart into huge display of Froot Loops.......

               He's been in traction ever since, e-mailing an on-line community of fellow bedridden 400 pounders who've already sent out a complete list of who dies in "The Avengers:Infinity War" to 8 million Facebook accounts......

              Since the only kind of thoughts we have these days are random.......here's a few......

              Luke Skywalker  Aw, come on, Disney.....really?   You turned him into......us.......just another cranky old fart who yells at the neighbor kids to get off his lawn.   If we wanted to see that, we could look in the mirror,,,,,,

              Leia lolls around in deep space.......catching only a bit of a chill, like a stroll on a crisp autumn day. This kinda reminded us of  the 1978 Japanese rip-off, "Message From Space".......where the spaceships had sails on them, like pirate ships......well, you never know when a stiff breeze will come along in the black void of space.....

               Marvel snark.......one of the worst decisions.....to shoehorn Robert Downey sarcasm into the middle of galactic battles......borrowing crap from another franchise never, ever works well........similar to when the Bond producers ruined "Quantum Of Solace" by turning it into a poor, chopped-to-mincemeat imitation of the Bourne films......

                Battles, battles, battles......yeh, we get it.....it's the middle-episode "Empire Strikes Back" equivalent, where all the good guys must submit to having their asses perpetually kicked for two and half hours.....after about the l8th scene of  rebels yelping right before they're blown to smithereens, we began to nap........

               What sane parent would send their kids to Jedi schools?  Personally, as a dad, we never got over the startling turn of plot in Episode 3, where that whiny bastard Annakin wiped out an entire day-care class of Jedi tots......(presumably Yoda had a tough time explaining this to their parents...."Refund your tuition money, we will....")   And we hear that the always bubbly Kylo Ren wiped out a Jedi academy.........(thereby transforming his Uncle Luke into Cranky-Old-Fart-Get-Off-My-Lawn-Guy....)     You'd be better off signing up your kids for Trump University......as least the only thing they'd lose there is your money.......

                One Stunning Surprise......no, we're not referring to the reveal about Rey's parents..(we'll leave the fanboys 'n girls to agonize over that one).....the Big Shocker for us........Disney paying George Lucas billions for the franchise......then handing this film over to a writer-director not only woefully inadequate for such a task, but allowing him to either toss off the mythology of the series or trash it altogether.......what an odd, curious thing to do..........

                Never thought we'd apply such a rating to a "Star Wars" movie, but here goes......1 lonely star (*)........for the next one, they've got nowhere to go but up.......