'PRINCE OF DARKNESS'.....A COLLEGE PHYSICS CLASS VS. SATAN.....FINAL EXAM'S GONNA BE MURDER.....

 Prince of Darkness (1987)

     We're sure writer-director John Carpenter must have thought dragging quantum physics into a Satan-gone-amuck horror film was a good idea at the time......

        But he himself later admitted that trying to insert advanced math, science and philosophy into a booga-booga scare-fest wouldn't get much traction from an audience just there for the goosebumps. And that's basically all of us.....so we'll skip right over the Physics 101 jibber-jabber and concentrate on the good gooey stuff....

        By that we mean the main attraction. The Devil himself, liquified and swirling around in a glass tube..... hidden, long long ago by a secret Catholic brotherhood in the basement of a Los Angeles monastery.

       Stumbling upon this secret, a worried priest (Donald Pleasance) asks Physics Prof Birack (Victor Wong of "Big Trouble in Little China") to figure out if that swirly gunk in the cannister is really you-know-who waiting to spill out into the world.  Birack promptly recruits a bunch of his  students to join him in what we could only describe as a literal field trip to hell for extra credit.

       Never mind the physics. From this point on, John Carpenter does what he does so well......whipping up a Lovecraft-ian series of horrific sequences designed to chill you to the bone and rendering the supporting cast.....well, either decimated or demon-ized into devil-minions......

         And that's only the dire situation inside the monastery......outside on the streets, that bubbling Beelzebub has managed to assemble the L.A. homeless into a shambling but terrifying army (headed by rocker Alice Cooper, in case you hadn't figured out the severity of the threat they pose...... 

         Grisly deaths pile up as Carpenter's script tosses in even more bizarro concepts into the carnage.....(Satan hoping to free his dad, the Anti-God of the Universe, possibly Chthulhu (?) And Jesus himself, a visiting Alien from beyond the stars, sought to warn us....and you know where that got him....)

         As always, Carpenter designs his visuals (as well as his self-composed music score) for maximum frightening impact. In particular, the best imagery comes from a grainy VHS tape, time warped in from the future. It shows the shadowy figure of the Prince of Darkness emerging from the monastery's front door.....a dreaded nightmare-inducing coming attraction unless the surviving physics bunch can figure out how to save us all. 

         Carpenter became a shunned studio pariah after the very public failure and critical evisceration of his "The Thing" remake in 1982. (Yes, the very same film that's now universally celebrated and cherished as a sci-fi/horror classic. So go figure...)

     To the everlasting relief and joy of horror fans, he pressed on as a battle-toughened Soldier of Scary Cinema, giving us "Christine", "Starman", "Big Trouble in Little China", "They Live",  "In the Mouth of Madness"....and this film and many others.

        Kicking off your own Halloween film festival? "Prince of Darkness" remains a great place to start.

        3 & 1/2 stars (***1/2)

        

'WHERE THERE'S SMOKE'.....SOMETHING SMELLS IN THIS SLAUGHTERHOUSE BESIDES THE PIGS.....

  Where There's Smoke by Rachel Louise Adams (2026)

     I fairly gushed over 'No Rest for the Wicked', author Rachel Louise Adams first mystery featuring beautiful, troubled Wisconsin pathologist Delores Diaz and I enjoyed this second book just as much. (See my review of 9/16/25).   While this one lacks the extra helping of Halloween flavoring that made the first book such a spooky season pleasure, rest assured there's plenty more gristly goings-on here to keep Delores busy........and in danger of ending up on her own morgue slab. .

     This can be read as a stand alone but I'm pretty sure that after finishing 'Where There's Smoke" readers will want to check out "No Rest..." for the full harrowing backstory of Delores and her estranged family..........whose aftermath still lingers on, and still referred to in this new entry..

     Delores, still traumatized by the events of the return to her Halloween-ish Wisconsin hometown, has taken on the job of Medical Examiner in a closely neighboring town.......close enough to reconnect with her brother Asher, her impetuous young sister Josie and her imperious, controlling, emotionally distant stepmother Charlotte. And the first murder victim landing on her autopsy table is none other than Benedict Marcy, the town's most beloved big business employer, owner of the Marcy's Meats slaughterhouse. Of course, where else would the murderer leave the nausea-inducing remains of Marcy but right on the slaughterhouse killing floor.

     While Delores delves into the gruesome medical mysteries surrounding the corpse, FBI agent Paul Turner takes on the case with his new rookie partner Kate Butcher, who used to be Delores's hot tempered bullying adolescent nemesis. As the case deepens, growing ever darker and more horrific, Paul tirelessly flirts with Delores and Delores re-establishes the torn, damaged ties to her family......even making friendly overtures to Kate, who's plagued by worries she's in over her head at the FBI.

     As the case unfolds, the full sickening extent of the crimes and conspiracies surrounding the Marcy slaughterhouse and the neighboring county prison become clearer.......not only in previous deaths but a fresh new murder proving that somebody's determined to keep the dreadful truth from coming out. And that puts Delores, Paul and Kate in their their crosshairs.

     Once again, author Adams truly excels at making heartbreaking human emotion and empathy for the characters a major part of the twists and turns. And her double whammy showdown in the reveal of the evil at play will hold you spellbound as you speed through the pages.

     So far (for me) this series is batting 5 stars per book, so I can't think of any better way to wrap up this review.

         5 stars (*****).

'KILL YOUR DARLINGS'......POPPING OUT OF HER PAGES, A HORROR WRITER RAGES......

 Kill Your Darlings by Yuvashri Harish (2026)

     Like a 'Goosebumps' book on steroids, 'Kill Your Darlings' dials up its YA Halloween night of horrors to way-off-the-dial proportions. It pits its plucky band of teens and their two babysitting charges against a risen-from-the-pages, long dead, yet still infinitely loathsome horror author.. And this prolific harpy comes fully armed with all her creations come to life. We're talkin' zombies, vampires, demonic children and all manner of slithering monstrosities who proceed to lay bloody waste to the small town that was home to the woman who spawned them from inside her books.

     In structure, this all plays out along the lines of those 'kids-vs-monsters' movies from the 1980's ("Goonies", "Gremlins", Monster Squad", "Fright Night", etc, etc.) . But be forewarned that the gory collateral damage splattered across the pages here goes a little above PG-13. Author Yuvashri Harish is serious as a heart attack in detailing the agonies of slaughtered innocents and the priceless value of the lives they've lost so horribly.

     The terror begins when good-girl-to-the-max Thulasi inadvertently unleashes 19th century horror scribe Addison Greer from within the pages of a first edition Greer book. Addison and her monstrous menagerie of fictional abominations are on a vengeance fueled quest to punish the living relatives of those responsible for the death of Addison's beloved daughter. Now it's up to Thulasi, her quarterback crush Sam, her best friend Celeste and 7 year olds Arjun and Miri to find a way to put a stop to Addison's reign of carnage before she wipes out the entire town......including Thulasi and Sam''s families.

     I was on board with the crazy funhouse ride this book takes you on until its overbearing overwriting began to bog down the pace and just plain wear me out. It's ironic the author chose 'Kill Your Darlings' as a title, because she certainly didn't take that phrase to heart in its use as standard advise to writers when revising their drafts. The dragged out, laborious showdown finale almost sinks under its endless repetition, with the same points and observations hammered away at over and over.

     But I did greatly appreciate and admire how the diversity and family backgrounds of Thulasi and Sam are well integrated into the storyline, along with the issues of racism, misogyny, and even the 19th century patriarchal oppression of women. No one could accuse 'Kill Your Darlings' of not having a lot on its mind other than its many scares.

     For those who demand nothing less than full immersion into a packed-the-the-rafters rampage of horror tropes........ with some misgivings, I'd still recommend this one. I doubt there's a single nightmarish creature or moment it forgot to throw into the mix.

      3 stars (***).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL DOUBLE FEATURE EDITION...."WHEN THE SCHMITT HITS THE FAN" & " TOMMY TUBERVILLE'S NIGHT OF THE FLYING FURRIES"......

We proudly present the Republican Senate's most distinguished perceptive members, Eric Schmitt...

And now we proudly present another shining star of the Republican Senate, Tommy Tuberville, whose intelligence level, on a good day, equals that of an average block of concrete.....

And the madness never stops, not even for a minute.....

BQ visitors, have a wonderful weekend!  See you next week.

Trumpanzees:  Try to resist the urge to storm airplane cockpits to hunt down furries. And try to re-consider voting for MAGA candidates whose I.Q.'s approach vegetable levels....people that dumb don't usually end up doing much good for the suckers who put them in office....

' THE PIRATES OF BLOOD RIVER'......ARRRRRRRR!! HAMMER SWASHBUCKLERS ON THE HUNT FOR GOLD.....

 The Pirates of Blood River (1962)

     Ahoy, mateys.....and all Hammer films enthusiasts. Time to set sail for some tropical isle where the villagers might be hidin' a heap 'o gold....but not for long, they don't. 

       And look who's charge of this scurvy, scurrilous band of brigands.....a glowering eye-patched Christopher Lee as the taciturn French pirate Larouche. He's Dracula with a sword and pistol...hardly speaking but you know he means business. 

        Tireless Hammer scribe Jimmy Sangster knew the studio had no money whatsoever for a seagoing adventure, so his pirates spend the entire film on land. In this case a long lost island of Protestant settlers, led by a stern religious zealot (Andrew Keir) who just banished his son (Harryhausen monster fighter Kerwin Matthews) to a brutal penal colony for having an adulterous lover. (Poor sweetie gets gobbled up by the resident river piranhas early on....)

       Escaping the colony, Matthews comes upon Lee and his vicious crew, with Lee promising he'll restore justice to Matthew's community if his men can camp out on the island.

       Foolish, foolish boy, that Kerwin.  Lee and the 'arrrr' gang immediately commence to ravishing the women, shooting and stabbing the men and demanding Keir give up the hidden gold. Bloody battles ensue with Matthews joining forces with another island stalwart played by Glenn Corbett (of "The Crimson Kimono" and "Route 66").

       While Lee never breaks his cool, cold demeanor, his Hammer-ized British pirates have themselves a terrific old time, chewing up the scenery and brawling with each other. You can spot a seething Oliver Reed and Hammer regular Michael Ripper, laughing uproariously as Lee's loyal (up to a point) First Mate. Ripper no doubt loved getting way more screen time here than he ever did playing grumpy innkeepers in the Dracula films. 

         Swordfights and gunplay rage on and on until it all ends as you knew it would, with those pond piranhas making a comeback to get in the final word. Director John Gilling moves things along fast enough so you'll hardly notice that this tropical island looks more like Sherwood Forest.

         And let's tip our hats to this dedicated cast, who spent an entire scene wading through a filthy polluted pond that the film's stuntmen refused to set a toe in. (Lee and Reed suffered medical issues and Ripper almost drowned....)  Such is the lot of actors toiling in the low budget trenches.....they're lucky Hammer didn't make them go out and buy their own swords....

        Hammer completists won't want to miss catching this one at least once. And anyone (like us) who's always been a sucker for pirate movies......well, you could do a lot worse than this one.

         2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)  

'SPIDERMAN: BRAND NEW DAY......OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEBBING MARVEL WEAVES.......

Spiderman: Brand New Day (2026) 

          We're always thrilled and proud beyond description to add yet another of our notorious "Last Blogger On Earth To Review This Movie" postings.......

       As BQ viewers well know, this way we've no need to bore you (and ourselves) to tears describing the plot, which 50,000 bloggers, critics and assorted cinema pundits have already laboriously covered in excruciating detail.

         Only Taylor Swift's wedding and Inde Navarette's 'Obsession' frown received as much media attention as this movie.

         Let's just zip right through the highs, lows and whatevers.......

         Was this a cure for Marvel Superhero fatigue that some people claim it was?

          Not as much as we thought. Tom Holland still maintains his boyish charm, even though his Peter Parker is now older, battle-hardened and pining for lost love. But even with all its high octane CGI spider-fighting, we found it the usual overlong, exhausting and clumsily organized chore to sit through. 

         Marvel could truly stun the fans and the world with a 90 minute superhero movie that you can finish sitting through without a powerful urge to pee......Maybe Christopher Nolan would consider doing one...(we kid, we kid....)

        What about an iconic, worthy villain?  Anybody see one?  We didn't.

          Two main adversaries here, neither one a world-beater. Sadie Sink as Jean Gray, a pissed off X-Men (X-Person?) refugee who can leapfrog from mind to mind.  Then there's mundane, business suited Bill Metzger (Tramell Tillman), who's been causing all the Jean Gray rage by torturing her kid sister. Metzger just wanders out of the movie with no consequences and Jean, we assume, will wander over into the next 3 hour 'Avengers' film.  Yawn-worthy, both of 'em. 

        Together, these two come off like a Who's Who of Who cares......only serving to make us infinitely nostalgic for Alfred Molina's Dr. Octopus to once again fling about his metallic tentacles. Now there was a villain for the ages......

        What's with the webbing, anyway?

         Don't know why these movies can't seem to decide if Spidey should ejaculate webbing out of his own wrists or use mechanical doodads to do it for him. Don't really care much, either. If the spider DNA consumes Petey's body, then we guess the next Spiderman can be a re-boot of 'Arachnaphobia'.

           Our choice for MVP here.....

           Easily goes to Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova, the dryly deadpan newly christened Black Widow, taking over from her late sister (Scarlet Johannsen). Conducting all her superhero business while lounging naked in a bathhouse pool. Because...why the hell not?  She supplies the witty breath of fresh air this movie so desperately needed. 

    

         The filmmaking.

         After 'Supergirl' and this film we're getting really, really sick of directors and cinematographers employing dark, ugly, de-saturated color schemes for comic book movies.  Maybe these people would enjoy themselves more doing making remakes of "Taxi Driver" and "Se7en".

           Mark Ruffalo's Hulk....

           Would've loved to see someone try Robert Downey Jr. Ironman joke.....poke him with a pencil to see if you can annoy him enough to go green.....

           F*** the Alternate Universes.....

            Let us once again reiterate how much we loathe and despise the Marvel alternate universe bullshit with the heat of a thousand suns. We vaguely remember Dr. Strange dabbling in this mind numbing nonsense, which leaves Peter Parker's beloved MJ (Zendaya) having no memory of him. And that leads to those tedious star-crossed Peter/MJ scenes that slow down a movie that's already a half hour too long.  

          Once again, thoughts and prayers for those dead and injured as collateral damage....

          Since nobody in the Marvel Universe ever thinks about it, we take a moment of silence to offer our sympathy and condolences to all pedestrians and motorists who end up most certainly killed or severely injured as Spidey and his opponents smash and crash their way through city streets.....

           And finally......the horror....the horror...

          An even longer version of 'Brand New Day' is planned for a future release in theaters....We've seen enough. Hard pass.

           One last word......

            We realize these opinions don't line up with the overwhelming popularity of the film, whose box office receipts total somewhere over a billion dollars.  We'd credit the following people for that kind of monumental success that's allowed the Marvel corporate empire and Sony pictures to milk this cash cow for over 25 years....(including those utterly unnecessary, who-asked-for-them Andrew Garfield 'Amazing Spiderman' entries....)

           We speak of  Marvel masters Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko, creating the teen-angsty superhero who so captured the hearts and minds of children, teens and adults. 

             And film director Sam Raimi, who with his first original Spiderman trilogy, brought Lee and Ditko's creations to glorious cinematic life. Thrilling, funny, heartfelt and beautifully rendered, Raimi's gifted work provided the wellspring of good will that the Marvel still uses to fatten it coffers.

        For Lee, Ditko and Raimi, 5 stars (*****).

        For "Spiderman: Brand New Day, 2 stars (**).

             

         

       

'THE FRENCH ILLUSION'.....HONEYMOONING IN PARIS TURNS PERILOUS......

 The French Illusion by John Grisham (2026)   

     Leave it to skilled storyteller John Grisham to make an international terrorists-vs-CIA clash every bit as nuanced, detailed and suspenseful as his legal thrillers.

     The main adversary here, fueled by fierce, unforgiving vengeance, oversees the kidnapping of young American honeymooners in Paris with unerring clockwork precision. After a short time, the brides are released, shaken but relatively unharmed......but only after their families transmit a 2 million dollar ransom. While the families of the husbands must pay the same amount. those honeymooning grooms remain hostages and their captors subject them to a full array of physical tortures.

     With three couples already victimized, this brutally efficient gang finally reach the attention of the FBI, CIA, NSA, French Security forces and the White House. As the stricken families and their rescued traumatized daughters worry themselves sick in maddening frustration, the wheels of global law enforcement finally move into action. And in the midst of all their operations, one low level CIA agent in particular comes up a with daring seriously perilous mission to put a stop to the plot, and save the kidnapped husbands before their very possible execution.

     You can probably tell from the above description, this storyline is tailor made to keep you in its grip from the first page to the last. John Grisham expertly introduces his rapidly growing cast of government operatives and all their machinations, diplomatic rivalries and personal quirks. There's no big surprises or twists to reveal but the methodic, relentless turning of the wheels of oncoming justice can't help but keep a reader turning those pages at top speed..........with even the most unlikely (and wry) forced proximity romance thrown into the mix for additional entertainment.

     "The French Illusion' is just one of those books where you know you're in super capable hands from the moment you dive into it. Most assuredly one of the top Fall thriller reads of this year.

     4 stars (****).