Thursday, July 23, 2026

'SUMMERTREE'......MICHAEL DOUGLAS IN A NEPO BABY GIFT FROM DAD KIRK......

 Summertree (1971)

       Among the oddball, obscure 60's and 70's  movies that BQ has unearthed, this one's as oddball and obscure as they come.......

         Fascinating backstory, though. A young Michael Douglas, at the beginning of his acting career, got canned by the director of Ron Cowen's new play dealing with a red hot topic -  young American men facing the draft and a high potential of death as cannon fodder for the Vietnam war meat grinder. Unless, of course, they could stay safe with a college deferment.

         To be blunt, the director didn't think Douglas had the acting chops to play Jerry, a rebellious music student who, through his own hubris and self-absorption loses his deferment and faces either Vietnam or fleeing to Canada. (Close to 50,000 young men did exactly that to avoid a horrible, pointless death in Southeast Asia....)  

         (Let's stop for a second here....Seriously? This theater director didn't think Michael Douglas (of "Wall Street" and "Basic Instinct") couldn't pull his weight? Say what now?)

          Unthwarted, Douglas had his father Kirk Douglas buy the film rights to the play and gift his son with 'Summertree' as a movie project.....and the chance for Michael to take another shot at the role and prove he had more than enough gravitas to play this conflicted (and somewhat spoiled, borderline obnoxious) character. Which he proceeded to do....

           To increase the oddness factor, directing this distinctly American drama fell to, of all people, British actor, writer, composer and showbiz jack-of-all-trades Anthony Newley. Why? We've no idea. But to be fair, there's nothing much wrong with the way Newley handles the material and the cast; he moves the thing along efficiently enough. But the script taken from the play remains stubbornly unfocused and wanders about with no urgency or defined point of view. 

        And Douglas's character is.....well, kind of a spoiled jerk and tough to work up any real empathy for. Jerry confounds and worries his parents (Jack Warden, Barbara Bel Geddes) when he considers dropping out of college and 'find himself' as a guitar playing songwriter. 

         While he figures out his goals as the draft and Vietnam loom, Jerry tries Big Brother mentoring a black child and then falls into a romance with Vanetta (Brenda Vacarro) a nurse older than Jerry and clearly more worldly wise.  Both these subplots eat up a good portion of the film's running time and and the script never does more than dance around the ongoing strife facing young men in the America without any deep insight or detail.

        Jerry's feckless ways finally put him in the draft crosshairs, leading to an abrupt climactic moment in his decision making that doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but at least works up some dramatic heat missing from the rest of the film.

         'Summertree's' final shot struck us first as a lazy crude attempt to finally attach a point of view  to the film. But looking back, it does epitomize the essence of serious 1970's cinema.....bleak, nihilistic, and hopeless..... (before the feel-good blockbusters of Spielberg and Lucas came to soothe us and make happy endings essential in the film industry....)

        Regarding Michael Douglas......as far we can tell, he did just fine in the role and you can spot the moments of controlled intensity that he'd bring to his later, more celebrated performances. We've never seen nor read Ron Cowen's original play which was nominated for a Pulitzer prize.....we can only judge the script adaptation by Edward Hume and Stephen Yafa, which was far, far far from Pulitzer-worthy. 

        At the time of its release, critics and audiences pretty much reacted to the film the same way we did and 'Summertree' sank like a stone into instant obscurity.....

        Fans of Douglas and Vaccaro (also excellent) and those who remember those turbulent early 70's days might want to take a look.....but don't expect much. Right now, it streams free on Roku.

         2 stars (**).

         

         

Wednesday, July 22, 2026

'THEY WILL KILL YOU'......YES, THEY WILL......WITH TERMINAL MONOTONY.....

They Will Kill You (2026)

     Stumbled upon this during a week when HBO offered free movies to lure more subscribers. And we're still regretting the precious 95 minutes of our life that slipped down the drain as we watched it.....

      Designed as a gorehound's Grindhouse delight, it pits kickass, street-toughed young badass Asia Reaves  (Zazie Beetz) against a NYC high rise apartment populated by immortal devil worshippers. These robe clad loonies got more than they bargained for when they took on Asia as the latest in a long line of dearly departed maids. Not a whole lot of job security there, since the maids serve as human sacrifice fodder to Satan himself, who struts around with a giant pig's head. (Maybe he thinks he's President....)

        But Asia's not havin' any of that nonsense, which leads to pitched, ridiculously gory battles between her and the tenants, primarily led by familiar faces like Patricia Arquette, Heather Graham and Tom Felton.  Limbs and heads go flyin' everywhere and the wall paper drips with fresh splatter. 

         But here's what doomed this movie for us. Being immortal, these spunky apartment dwellers can literally assemble themselves back together and have a go at Asia all over again. Some nifty digital effects accomplish this, but the conceit renders all that fast 'n furious bloodletting a complete waste of time.

         It's like an entire reel of nothing but those climactic battles in Marvel superhero movies (only with more body parts strewn about)........since nothing's at stake, why bother to sit through it? By the time Asia does finally get around to going  'Quiet Piggy!' on Satan's ass, you may not even be awake......

          This movie's for people who like to surf YouTube for compilations of the bloodiest fights in Tarantino's filmography......just for shits and giggles.

          The Gore Brigade won't want to miss it. For them, 3 stars (***).  For everyone else.....c'mon, you could find 1000 better horror movies than this on any streamer you picked randomly....(except maybe Hallmark and Nickelodeon....they're scary in different ways....)

          Zeetz and the cast absorb a lot of punishment and commit fully to their carnage......but it seems like way more punishment for us than them.

          Outside of this film's core demographic of Cheetos munchin'  fanboys living in their parents' basements, there's nothing of interest left for the rest of us. 

           Zero stars. (0). 

            

Tuesday, July 21, 2026

WEEKDAY MADNESS WRAP-UP.......SPECIAL 'WORLD CUP CEREMONY LIKE THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE!' EDITION......

 This just in......artist rendering of the actual World Cup Winner Presentation.....






'PAINT ME LIKE YOUR DEAD GIRLS'.....A PSYCHO PAINTER LEFT HIS MODELS ART-BROKEN......AND BLOODLESS.....

 Paint Me Like Your Dead Girls by Cynthia Murphy (2026)

     I don't know art but I know what I like......and I like nothing more than an art-inspired YA mystery bloodily decorated with nightmare-inducing paintings and gruesome exsanguination murders. And it just so happens that this book fills that aching need to watch a determined Nancy Drew-ish teen manage to link turn-of-the-century serial killings to a current and all too active psychopath copycat.

     Fliss Keller, to the amazement of her Art Historian father, comes across a long sought after disturbing portrait of an agonized man presumably just before his unknowable, terrible death. The painting to the excitement of the art world, completes a set that includes four equally notorious, haunted faces. They're the faces of four young women who look as if death itself has also come for them.......paintings already on display in the art gallery Fliss's dad oversees.

     Secret papers Fliss discovers in the back of the painting might imply it's the work of a serial killer artist and the accompanying four portraits are those of his victims, modeling for him before they died at his hands. While she's co-housesitting with her best friend Izzy, Fliss's dogged research traces the killer and his prey back to the early 1900's........but someone else has been busy too. Someone who, inspired by the five paintings has taken to murdering women in the same manner as the original demented artist.

     The art world premise intrigued me from the start and author Cynthia Murphy keeps the pacing swift and the pages flying by. And as obvious as it played out, I still thrilled to that banger of a horror movie grand finale, with Fliss facing off, as you knew she eventually would, with the scares of a surprise cuckoo perp who's nuttier than a warehouse full of peanut M & Ms. Great, breathless and very cinematic stuff.

     Creepy good fun, with even a touch of romance thrown in. With an art gallery where you might rather dive out the window than exit through the gift shop.

      4 stars (****).

Friday, July 17, 2026

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "WHO GIVES A **** ABOUT YOUR GROCERY BILL...I WON IN 2020!!" EDITION

 







To BQ visitors:  Great weekend to you all, see you next week!

To MAGA Trumpanzees:  Hopefully, for your sakes, there's a huge stadium reserved in Hell for Trump to hold rallies for his faithful  followers.  Make sure you arrive early to snag the best seats. 







Thursday, July 16, 2026

'SPIDER BABY, OR: THE MADDEST STORY EVER TOLD'......SOMETIMES A CULT-Y PLEASURE....SOMETIMES A DREARY DRAG....

 Spider Baby or: the Maddest Story Ever Told (1967)

     If lovers of loony toon cult cinema can summon up a measure of patience, this bonkers, shoestring, made-in-12-days goofball horror movie delivers the guilty pleasures you'd expect from it. 

       A fair warning, though.......some of it's just a dumb slog to get through and even at a brief 80 minutes, it feels a little too long. 

       We're off to visit the reclusive Merrye family, living in an off-the-beaten-track mansion and all of them afflicted with a hereditary family disease.

       From puberty on, the not so merry Merryes begin to suffer mental age regression, brain rot, utter madness and by the time they reach adulthood, they've devolved  into gibbering psychotic cannibals. Not quite the Brady Bunch, these folks....

        But for years they've been tenderly looked after and thankfully kept isolated from the world by their faithful chauffer and all-around caregiver, Bruno (Lon Chaney Jr. in a thoughtful empathetic portrayal. )

         Then, as 1980's and 90's trailers would often declare.....everything was about to change.....

          Distant relatives and their lawyer (suitably named Shlocker) arrive to claim their legal rights to the Merrye house and also decide what's to become of the remaining Merrye children......and it doesn't take long before these poor suckers find out what a horror show they've stumbled into.

          Teen girls Virginia and Elizabeth (Jill Banner and Beverly Washburn, are lethally cuckoo, with Virginia thinking she's a spider and slicing up innocent victims who wander on to the property. Their imbecilic older brother Ralph (Sid Haig) has regressed into a three year old with a healthy adult sex drive and given to slaughtering small animals to serve up for dinner. 

          For more madness, down in the basement live the three remaining adult Merryes, reduced to mutated, wailing cannibals. Naturally they get to feast on whatever's left of the unlucky visitors who come knockin' at the door (including veteran black comic actor of the 1940's Mantan Moreland)

         We can only assume writer-director Jack Hill intended a sick-humor horror movie, along the lines of Roger Corman's 'Bucket of Blood' and 'Little Shop of Horrors'. He mostly succeeds, but halfway through the film, it slows down to a crawl, with a third of its running time devoted to the schlocky Shlocker searching the house for who knows what.

      The cast certainly has a whole lot of fun overplaying to the eye-bulging maximum. (It's Chaney Jr., the film's only beacon of sanity, who comes up with the most logical solution to assure himself and his beloved Merryes a measure of peace.....)

         Dedicated curators and admirers of screwball pulp cinema will want to check this out.  As for everyone else.......well, now you know what you're in for.....so don't say we didn't warn you.....

         2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2).