'11 HARROWHOUSE'......CHARLES GRODIN TRIES TO MSTK3000 HIS OWN MOVIE....

11 Harrowhouse (1974) 

       Normally, we would've given this lifeless, dead-on-arrival heist thriller Zero stars. It was taken from one of those slightly best-selling time wasters whose paperback edition you'd buy at the airport newsstand to make a two hour flight less boring. 

      Completely botched in every way as a movie, it did feature newly-minted movie star Charles Grodin coming off his stellar success in 1972's "The Heartbreak Kid".

       An absolute master of monotone, deadpan comedic timing, Grodin could already see how this potentially crowd pleasing, supposedly clever diamond theft caper had flown off the rails. 

       Barely directed, with no sense of style, flair or energy by editor turned director Aram Avakian, the movie just laid there like a corpse, filled with inert silent sequences devoid of even minimal dialogue.

       In a last ditch, Hail Mary attempt to resuscitate the film, Grodin wrote a dryly witty voice-over narration for his character, serving as a non-stop tongue-in-cheek commentary on everything happening......through the entirety of the running time. 

        You could say, to be kind, that he was ahead of his time, because his narration not only fills in all those deadening silent sequences, it also resembles  an actor's  'just kidding around'  DVD commentary track.

         On the unkind side, we could look at it as Grodin mocking and deconstructing his own movie....very similar to the chatty robots who take apart cheesy sci-fi and horror films on 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'. 

         Not that he did himself and the movie any favors......no one could figure out if was a thriller or a comedy and the film tanked badly.  Grodin's rep as a shiny new movie star dimmed down and he struggled to find work in the next few years. 

       The movie itself?  A huge meh. Miscast as a  suave diamond dealer Grodin teams up with hubba-hubba, adrenalin-fueled girl toy (Candice Bergen) to rob a stuffy British diamond clearing house by literally vacuuming up the gems with a hose. But first they sneak through the place's wiring and alarm systems using a cockroach, in case you're wondering why the bug's featured so prominently on the poster.

        A lengthy, exhausting climactic chase involving cars, trucks and horses drags on and on, peppered with Grodin's offscreen snarking. 

         Well, at least he did what he could with his own gift for understated jokery to make the film bearable to sit though......and for that, we're willing to bump '11 Harrowhouse' up to 1 star (*). 

          Still doesn't mean it's worth a watch, though.  Which it isn't, even for Grodin and Bergen fans......

'LAWS OF SOLOMON'.....A KILLER REGAINING HIS HUMANITY......WHILE DRAGGED BACK INTO CARNAGE....

 Laws of Solomon by Eriq La Salle (2026)

     A triple whammy, this one. An incredibly fast read.....a gut punching, blood soaked action thriller......and most importantly, a penetrating, impassioned examination of redemption, soul crushing loss and a life lived steeped in the brutality that human beings upon one another.

     All of this packed into one swiftly paced book that flies by while it pumps up your adrenalin and breaks your heart at the same time.

     Solomon's early life in mad dictator Idi Amin's Uganda has been forever altered by atrocities beyond all rational description. His family wiped out before his eyes, he's forced into servitude as a merciless child soldier, Soloman, as an adolescent and adult, forges himself into one of the most fearsome (and feared) professional slaughterers on earth. But his life as a mercenary for hire and enforcer for gangsters has left his soul barren, with only little traces of humanity left.

     His attempt to retreat into a monastic solitary life as a gardener on a vast estate comes to an abrupt end. Again, a twist of cruel fate puts him in the path of barbarous evil. Solomon finds himself the defender and protector of an angelic child pursued by a vicious drug lord capable of bottomless carnage...........and whose intent to capture the boy proves relentless and strewn with the bodies of innocent victims in his way.

     Solomon's skills as a bringer of death and vengeance are pushed to the very limit of what he can endure. And the gentle good heart of the boy, Gaby, has started to chip away at his battle hardened nature. We're given illuminating painful looks into Solomon's past filled with the tragedies he lives with daily. By the time I'd reached the last page, I realized the book kept me in its grip for the entire day. from start to finish. And that I knew I couldn't give this book any less than 5 stars. (*****).

      I think I've made my point here........drop everything and read it.

'THE MYSTIC AND THE MISSING GIRL'....A CHARMING, OCCULT-ISH COZY....AND JUST PLAIN FUN TO READ....

 The Mystic and the Missing Girl by Vikki VanSickle (2026) 

     This book's inescapable charm and lead character won me over from the start. When you add on that picturesque small town cozy flavor, the mystical powers of Tarot cards, a 20 year old unsolved mystery, and two totally unalike men for our main girl to spar with (and maybe a little more).......well, that's an unbeatable recipe for a fun read. And that's exactly what author Vikki VanSickle delivers.

     Drew Benson's inherited two things from her late Aunt Hannah, who was disgraced and reviled for using her psychic powers to help discover the mystery of what became of a beloved, missing teen girl. Drew possesses her aunt's unique gifts of Tarot readings and receiving visions from the feel and touch of inanimate objects. And also from her aunt, she's inherited Hannah's metaphysical store of otherworldly products.

     But like Hannah herself, who was accused of misguiding and confusing the missing girl investigation, the store's been shunned and avoided by the town, often a prime target for vandals. So Drew finds herself now burdened with a failing business, a disapproving mother and a town that unfairly links her to Hannah's notoriety. If that isn't enough she's been badgered by old high school nemesis Nick. now a reporter hoping to write a story to uncover that missing girl's ultimate fate. . While she reluctantly teams up with NIck, using her powers to elicit confounding clues, Drew's also trading quips with and fending off advances from the dashing town lothario Foster Banks.

     The mystery finally revealed isn't that much a of a knock-your-socks-off surprise, but by that time, I was completely captivated by Drew, Nick, the store, the town, the array of suspects, the friends and frenemies surrounding Drew, her paranormal visions and Tarot cards......and even the impish kitten who's takes up residence in the store whether anyone likes it or not. Delightful stuff, all the way and full of heart and humor too in the the wrap-up chapters that bring Drew and the whole cast together.

     And best news in that regard is a finish that implies a potential series in the making. I say bring 'em on. I can't wait.

     4 stars (****).

'WE ALREADY DUG THE GRAVE'....THE MURDEROUS SECRETS OF SISTERS.....EVERY WITCH WAY BUT LOOSE....

  We Already Dug the Grave by Emma C. Wells (2026)

     Creepy time down South......

     And kicks off with an opening sentence that snags you like a fish on the hook and reels you in to keep reading until the last secret (and last corpse) are laid bare.

     I wouldn't go so far as to use 'Practical Magic' as any kind of real comparison here. Only in superficial similarities. This tale of witchy sisterhood is far more steeped in the evil and villainy of human beings rather than the otherworldly......with blood streaming out of murder victims and a cast of characters with countless skeletons in their closets......not to mention other random locations as well.

     Milly's fled her little Tennessee hometown to eke out a day by day existence waitressing in a run down Gulf Coast tourist trap.. Her much beloved, beautiful and brilliant younger sister Frances now lives an uppercrust, pampered life as the wife of a wealthy family's scion. But there's tragedy and death in their adolescent backstories. filled with murders and disappearances......tragedies that left their mother in prison and the girls in the custody of their decidedly eccentric aunts.

     But now it's Frances who's in flight from her abusive husband and his powerful, well-connected family. Milly, fiercely protective of her all too vulnerable little sister, must call upon her inherited gift of divining the future in tea leaves. And she she and Frances will also need to enlist aunts Ruth and Hattle-May., Because these two aging women have their own 'Arsenic and Old Lace' method of dealing with rotten-to-the-core men who'd make the world a better place by leaving it.

      A climactic showdown finale looms closer.........and when it erupts, there's a load of shattering twists from both past and present that will alter the lives of everyone involved.......those still breathing, that is.

     Author Emma C. Welles dials up the melodrama to the 'overheated' setting and I'll freely admit the book comes awfully close to the borderline of silly and absurd in its plotting and outrageous surprises. But what can I say other than I found myself immersed in the non stop swirl of bodies, secrets and supernatural peeks into a future that doesn't seem to bode well for anyone. And I simply couldn't put it down. A nice read for those dark, chilly nights......

      4 stars (****).

LABOR DAY MADNESS WRAP-UP.......SPECIAL 'ONE MORE REMINDER TO VOTE' EDITION

To U.S.A. BQ visitors:   One more reminder to mark your calendar to vote in the Mid-Term
elections.... 

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "THE WAR IS OVER' DECLARATION # 385)" EDITION.........

 

BQ visitors, have a great, long and safe holiday weekend!  See you next week.

To all Trumpanzees.....best of luck to those of you who try to vote by mail. But take comfort in knowing that your glorious Fuhrer, your very own Marmalade Mussolini (who always votes by mail) will make sure that his vote is counted....while your ballot will more than likely end up fed into a USPS shredder before it gets anywhere....Having fun yet, Numbnuts?

DEATH TO THE FUNKO POP DOLLS.....DESTROYERS OF HOME ENTERTAINMENT STORES.....

 

     Whenever we watch films and TV shows set in the 1990's and earlier decades, there's one moment that might occur guaranteed to stab us deep in our heart....

      The sight of record stores....stores that sold us Vinyl albums, cassettes, CDs, VHS tapes, DVDs, Blu-Rays, even books, comic books, graphic novels......a universe of home entertainment.....

       Stores that have vanished off the face of earth as sure as the dinosaurs waddled into the tar pits....

        Yes, we know the usual reasons......how rapid technology advancements forever changed how we consume our entertainment......

         But the first harbingers of doom, the first sign of the coming apocalypse for our beloved entertainment emporiums, the first curse put upon these wonderful venues....

           .....were these m*****f***in' dolls. May they rot in the deepest, darkest recesses of Hades.

          Deceptively harmless at first, they'd show up with one shelf display in our favorite stores.....

           Little did we know they were the equivalent of a cancerous tumor......a malignant growth that would slowly but surely metastasize until it engulfed and devoured all other the merchandise around it, that it would push the albums and movies to a small back corner of the store.

         We came to realize that an array of these dolls in a display window was the store's way of announcing to us....."This is the beginning of the  end for us. You'll see these little bastards from hell multiply like leukemia in our bloodstream and bones and eventually they'll choke us and kill us and you'll never see the likes of us again...."

        And so it came to be. 

        Now and forever we lay our own curse upon Funko Pop dolls.....these instruments of the devil. They should be blowtorched into puddles of plastic and the gooey plastic remnants buried with the  ground above them sown with salt. 

        And the manufacturers of these hell spawned creatures...we say to them.....go Funko yourselves.