WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL EDITION: "GIMME MY NOBEL OR I'LL NUKE CALIFORNIA!" EDITION......

Wonderful breaking news to jump start the weekend....for the umpteenth time, the Nobel Peace prize eludes the grasp of Trump's stubby
little fingers....Natalie, break out the extra absorbant XXL diapers..... 

BQ visitors....Great weekend to you all, as always. Be back next week with more reviews and views....

SPECIAL MESSAGE TO NEBRASKA TRUMPANZEES:

       So you applauded as your worshipped Dear Leader 'joked' about Iran nuking Los Angeles and San Diego. Applauded....for all of us to see.

        Hilarious stuff, huh? The idea of millions upon millions of American citizens like yourselves instantly vaporized in a nuclear firestorm. Tickled your funnybone, did it? 

       All kidding aside now. Of all the MAGA deplorables, you instantly set a new record for bottomless stupidity and evil. You've reduced yourselves to human slime...pond scum....the worst of the worst of the worst.  We only wish your names were identified.....for no other reason than if we ever randomly come across your obituary notice, we could pour ourselves a glass of champagne, knowing that the world was now a little bit of a better place with you gone.

TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA'......THROW IN A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH AND YOU'VE GOT A DEAL.......

 Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970)

      When it came to finding a U.S. studio distribution deal for their Christopher Lee Dracula outings, Hammer films got around to sampling almost all the studios as partners at one time or  another. As the 70's commenced, their Drac found a home with Warner Bros., not that it really mattered whose logo popped up before the main titles. The Hammer gloss and sheen remained constant as always.

        As with all Hammer gothic product, you could depend on "Taste the Blood" to look lushly photographed despite its cheap budget and with the ability to dive deep into that wondrous British pool of skilled, distinguished acting talent. 

        The only way in which this one somewhat disappoints.....its very stingy use of the legendary Lee, towering over and glowering at the cast with few words but with massive, withering contempt. He only pops up sporadically in this one, as if he's only stopping in for a few guest starring cameos.

       But we're off to a great start here, with roly-poly comic actor Roy Kinnear as a shady salesman who stumbles upon Drac already impaled and dissolving. Seizing the day, Roy grabs the Count's ring and cloak, coated with fresh dried vamp blood.  And since you can consider him like an 18th century E-Bay, you know that merch will soon be up for grabs......

       We quickly move on to familiar character actors Geoffrey Keen, Peter Sallis and John Carson, playing three sanctimonious uppercrusts who secretly sneak out on their families to go whoring in plush London clubs.  On the hunt for new perverse pleasures, they meet up with a depraved young rake (Ralph Bates) who takes them to Roy and encourages them to lay out the coin to buy Drac's dried blood.

        Bates' satanic ritual, using the blood like instant coffee to resurrect Drac, repulses the three uppercrusts......they beat him senseless and flee just before Bates dissolves and turns into...ta-daaaa! You know who.

        Our guy Chris shows up in all his imperiously evil glory......and goes on a biting and staking rampage, deploying the minion-ized mesmerized grown children of the uppercrusts...(Linda Hayden, Isla Blair, Martin Jarvis.)  And you can bet your blood-stained fangs that not many of them stay alive before the final credits roll.  

        And not to worry that the film won't include a grand opera-ish demise for our all time favorite Drac-inator. He doesn't go quietly at the end of that good night....and rages, rages at the dawning of the light..... 

        Overall, 'Taste' plays out as a sturdy, typical but not very exceptional entry in the Hammer filmography.  The pacing never hurries all that much, but there's James Bernard's always threatening score on board and sure enough, Hammer's ever present touchstone Michael Ripper shows up as a local detective with no idea of what's really going on. 

          For Hammer and Christopher Lee completists, it's a must. And for those who'd prefer their Halloween chills 'n thrills with some stylish class but no excessive gore, this fits the profile perfectly.

       2& 3/4 stars (**3/4)

        

'PRINCE OF DARKNESS'.....A COLLEGE PHYSICS CLASS VS. SATAN.....FINAL EXAM'S GONNA BE MURDER.....

 Prince of Darkness (1987)

     We're sure writer-director John Carpenter must have thought dragging quantum physics into a Satan-gone-amuck horror film was a good idea at the time......

        But he himself later admitted that trying to insert advanced math, science and philosophy into a booga-booga scare-fest wouldn't get much traction from an audience just there for the goosebumps. And that's basically all of us.....so we'll skip right over the Physics 101 jibber-jabber and concentrate on the good gooey stuff....

        By that we mean the main attraction. The Devil himself, liquified and swirling around in a glass tube..... hidden, long long ago by a secret Catholic brotherhood in the basement of a Los Angeles monastery.

       Stumbling upon this secret, a worried priest (Donald Pleasance) asks Physics Prof Birack (Victor Wong of "Big Trouble in Little China") to figure out if that swirly gunk in the cannister is really you-know-who waiting to spill out into the world.  Birack promptly recruits a bunch of his  students to join him in what we could only describe as a literal field trip to hell for extra credit.

       Never mind the physics. From this point on, John Carpenter does what he does so well......whipping up a Lovecraft-ian series of horrific sequences designed to chill you to the bone and rendering the supporting cast.....well, either decimated or demon-ized into devil-minions......

         And that's only the dire situation inside the monastery......outside on the streets, that bubbling Beelzebub has managed to assemble the L.A. homeless into a shambling but terrifying army (headed by rocker Alice Cooper, in case you hadn't figured out the severity of the threat they pose...... 

         Grisly deaths pile up as Carpenter's script tosses in even more bizarro concepts into the carnage.....(Satan hoping to free his dad, the Anti-God of the Universe, possibly Chthulhu (?) And Jesus himself, a visiting Alien from beyond the stars, sought to warn us....and you know where that got him....)

         As always, Carpenter designs his visuals (as well as his self-composed music score) for maximum frightening impact. In particular, the best imagery comes from a grainy VHS tape, time warped in from the future. It shows the shadowy figure of the Prince of Darkness emerging from the monastery's front door.....a dreaded nightmare-inducing coming attraction unless the surviving physics bunch can figure out how to save us all. 

         Carpenter became a shunned studio pariah after the very public failure and critical evisceration of his "The Thing" remake in 1982. (Yes, the very same film that's now universally celebrated and cherished as a sci-fi/horror classic. So go figure...)

     To the everlasting relief and joy of horror fans, he pressed on as a battle-toughened Soldier of Scary Cinema, giving us "Christine", "Starman", "Big Trouble in Little China", "They Live",  "In the Mouth of Madness"....and this film and many others.

        Kicking off your own Halloween film festival? "Prince of Darkness" remains a great place to start.

        3 & 1/2 stars (***1/2)

        

'WHERE THERE'S SMOKE'.....SOMETHING SMELLS IN THIS SLAUGHTERHOUSE BESIDES THE PIGS.....

  Where There's Smoke by Rachel Louise Adams (2026)

     I fairly gushed over 'No Rest for the Wicked', author Rachel Louise Adams first mystery featuring beautiful, troubled Wisconsin pathologist Delores Diaz and I enjoyed this second book just as much. (See my review of 9/16/25).   While this one lacks the extra helping of Halloween flavoring that made the first book such a spooky season pleasure, rest assured there's plenty more gristly goings-on here to keep Delores busy........and in danger of ending up on her own morgue slab. .

     This can be read as a stand alone but I'm pretty sure that after finishing 'Where There's Smoke" readers will want to check out "No Rest..." for the full harrowing backstory of Delores and her estranged family..........whose aftermath still lingers on, and still referred to in this new entry..

     Delores, still traumatized by the events of the return to her Halloween-ish Wisconsin hometown, has taken on the job of Medical Examiner in a closely neighboring town.......close enough to reconnect with her brother Asher, her impetuous young sister Josie and her imperious, controlling, emotionally distant stepmother Charlotte. And the first murder victim landing on her autopsy table is none other than Benedict Marcy, the town's most beloved big business employer, owner of the Marcy's Meats slaughterhouse. Of course, where else would the murderer leave the nausea-inducing remains of Marcy but right on the slaughterhouse killing floor.

     While Delores delves into the gruesome medical mysteries surrounding the corpse, FBI agent Paul Turner takes on the case with his new rookie partner Kate Butcher, who used to be Delores's hot tempered bullying adolescent nemesis. As the case deepens, growing ever darker and more horrific, Paul tirelessly flirts with Delores and Delores re-establishes the torn, damaged ties to her family......even making friendly overtures to Kate, who's plagued by worries she's in over her head at the FBI.

     As the case unfolds, the full sickening extent of the crimes and conspiracies surrounding the Marcy slaughterhouse and the neighboring county prison become clearer.......not only in previous deaths but a fresh new murder proving that somebody's determined to keep the dreadful truth from coming out. And that puts Delores, Paul and Kate in their their crosshairs.

     Once again, author Adams truly excels at making heartbreaking human emotion and empathy for the characters a major part of the twists and turns. And her double whammy showdown in the reveal of the evil at play will hold you spellbound as you speed through the pages.

     So far (for me) this series is batting 5 stars per book, so I can't think of any better way to wrap up this review.

         5 stars (*****).

'KILL YOUR DARLINGS'......POPPING OUT OF HER PAGES, A HORROR WRITER RAGES......

 Kill Your Darlings by Yuvashri Harish (2026)

     Like a 'Goosebumps' book on steroids, 'Kill Your Darlings' dials up its YA Halloween night of horrors to way-off-the-dial proportions. It pits its plucky band of teens and their two babysitting charges against a risen-from-the-pages, long dead, yet still infinitely loathsome horror author.. And this prolific harpy comes fully armed with all her creations come to life. We're talkin' zombies, vampires, demonic children and all manner of slithering monstrosities who proceed to lay bloody waste to the small town that was home to the woman who spawned them from inside her books.

     In structure, this all plays out along the lines of those 'kids-vs-monsters' movies from the 1980's ("Goonies", "Gremlins", Monster Squad", "Fright Night", etc, etc.) . But be forewarned that the gory collateral damage splattered across the pages here goes a little above PG-13. Author Yuvashri Harish is serious as a heart attack in detailing the agonies of slaughtered innocents and the priceless value of the lives they've lost so horribly.

     The terror begins when good-girl-to-the-max Thulasi inadvertently unleashes 19th century horror scribe Addison Greer from within the pages of a first edition Greer book. Addison and her monstrous menagerie of fictional abominations are on a vengeance fueled quest to punish the living relatives of those responsible for the death of Addison's beloved daughter. Now it's up to Thulasi, her quarterback crush Sam, her best friend Celeste and 7 year olds Arjun and Miri to find a way to put a stop to Addison's reign of carnage before she wipes out the entire town......including Thulasi and Sam''s families.

     I was on board with the crazy funhouse ride this book takes you on until its overbearing overwriting began to bog down the pace and just plain wear me out. It's ironic the author chose 'Kill Your Darlings' as a title, because she certainly didn't take that phrase to heart in its use as standard advise to writers when revising their drafts. The dragged out, laborious showdown finale almost sinks under its endless repetition, with the same points and observations hammered away at over and over.

     But I did greatly appreciate and admire how the diversity and family backgrounds of Thulasi and Sam are well integrated into the storyline, along with the issues of racism, misogyny, and even the 19th century patriarchal oppression of women. No one could accuse 'Kill Your Darlings' of not having a lot on its mind other than its many scares.

     For those who demand nothing less than full immersion into a packed-the-the-rafters rampage of horror tropes........ with some misgivings, I'd still recommend this one. I doubt there's a single nightmarish creature or moment it forgot to throw into the mix.

      3 stars (***).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL DOUBLE FEATURE EDITION...."WHEN THE SCHMITT HITS THE FAN" & " TOMMY TUBERVILLE'S NIGHT OF THE FLYING FURRIES"......

We proudly present the Republican Senate's most distinguished perceptive members, Eric Schmitt...

And now we proudly present another shining star of the Republican Senate, Tommy Tuberville, whose intelligence level, on a good day, equals that of an average block of concrete.....

And the madness never stops, not even for a minute.....

BQ visitors, have a wonderful weekend!  See you next week.

Trumpanzees:  Try to resist the urge to storm airplane cockpits to hunt down furries. And try to re-consider voting for MAGA candidates whose I.Q.'s approach vegetable levels....people that dumb don't usually end up doing much good for the suckers who put them in office....

' THE PIRATES OF BLOOD RIVER'......ARRRRRRRR!! HAMMER SWASHBUCKLERS ON THE HUNT FOR GOLD.....

 The Pirates of Blood River (1962)

     Ahoy, mateys.....and all Hammer films enthusiasts. Time to set sail for some tropical isle where the villagers might be hidin' a heap 'o gold....but not for long, they don't. 

       And look who's charge of this scurvy, scurrilous band of brigands.....a glowering eye-patched Christopher Lee as the taciturn French pirate Larouche. He's Dracula with a sword and pistol...hardly speaking but you know he means business. 

        Tireless Hammer scribe Jimmy Sangster knew the studio had no money whatsoever for a seagoing adventure, so his pirates spend the entire film on land. In this case a long lost island of Protestant settlers, led by a stern religious zealot (Andrew Keir) who just banished his son (Harryhausen monster fighter Kerwin Matthews) to a brutal penal colony for having an adulterous lover. (Poor sweetie gets gobbled up by the resident river piranhas early on....)

       Escaping the colony, Matthews comes upon Lee and his vicious crew, with Lee promising he'll restore justice to Matthew's community if his men can camp out on the island.

       Foolish, foolish boy, that Kerwin.  Lee and the 'arrrr' gang immediately commence to ravishing the women, shooting and stabbing the men and demanding Keir give up the hidden gold. Bloody battles ensue with Matthews joining forces with another island stalwart played by Glenn Corbett (of "The Crimson Kimono" and "Route 66").

       While Lee never breaks his cool, cold demeanor, his Hammer-ized British pirates have themselves a terrific old time, chewing up the scenery and brawling with each other. You can spot a seething Oliver Reed and Hammer regular Michael Ripper, laughing uproariously as Lee's loyal (up to a point) First Mate. Ripper no doubt loved getting way more screen time here than he ever did playing grumpy innkeepers in the Dracula films. 

         Swordfights and gunplay rage on and on until it all ends as you knew it would, with those pond piranhas making a comeback to get in the final word. Director John Gilling moves things along fast enough so you'll hardly notice that this tropical island looks more like Sherwood Forest.

         And let's tip our hats to this dedicated cast, who spent an entire scene wading through a filthy polluted pond that the film's stuntmen refused to set a toe in. (Lee and Reed suffered medical issues and Ripper almost drowned....)  Such is the lot of actors toiling in the low budget trenches.....they're lucky Hammer didn't make them go out and buy their own swords....

        Hammer completists won't want to miss catching this one at least once. And anyone (like us) who's always been a sucker for pirate movies......well, you could do a lot worse than this one.

         2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)