'THE ODYSSEY'.....GODS 'N MONSTERS, FREAKS AND GREEKS.....IN AN ALL-YOU-CAN-WATCH ENDLESS BUFFET......

 The Odyssey (2026)

      Let's get right down to the basics.

      Anyone going into Christopher Nolen's version of Homer's epic poem expecting epic linear storytelling (y'know...old school beginning-middle-end).....forget it. You're not getting that. 

      Think of this film as the cinematic equivalent of that long lost Ringling Bros/Barnum & Bailey Circus that used to tour the same venues now home to Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo and the New York Knicks.....

        Like the circus, 'The Odyssey' serves up close to 3 hours of multiple death defying events, multiple timelines,  overheated performances, spectacle, thrills, spills, monstrous beasts.....and yes, even lions and tigers 'n scares, oh my.....

         Or think of it as an endlessly long buffet table that'll take you 3 hours to sample the delicacies....some of which you might like, some of which won't understand, some of which might put you to sleep faster than the tryptophan in last year's Thanksgiving turkey.

        But do NOT expect this film to hold you in its grip with the storytelling power you'd expect of it. Christopher Nolan's not here to enthrall you with the legendary, monumental story of the warrior Odysseus and his long, long return home from the Trojan War. 

         So what's he here for, you ask?  He's here to use 'The Odyssey' to celebrate all things Christopher Nolan.....his mastery of pure visual cinema, his eye for spectacular sights and sounds and his ability to bring out unforgettable performances from his cast. 

        And we, (audiences and critics) are no doubt meant tofall in line and worship this latest IMAX imaginarium he gifted us with. 

         BQ response:   Slow your roll, Chris. True, there's good stuff, even some great stuff wandering around throughout your movie......but also a whole lotta problems. 

          Such as:

          Dialogue  Very dumb move here, writing lines as if the movie's taking place in 2026. Nothing takes you out of this movie's Ancient Greece faster than hearing Odysseus's son Telemachus (Tom Holland) refer to his parents as 'mom' and 'dad'. Clearly, nobody dared to tell resident genius Nolan what a stupid idea this was, much like nobody dared tell George Lucas that basing a 'Star Wars' prequal on trade route negotiations and casting a  toddler as Annakin were equally foolhardy.

          The casting controversies.  We joyously cheer on anything that pokes the basket of MAGA deplorables and we hoped and prayed that the sight of Lupita Nyong'o's Helen of Troy would make Elon Musk's head literally explode like a victim in "Scanners" and thereby make the world a better place......(with or without the scarring makeup, Lupita's a beautiful woman by the way, and MAGA can go straight to hell as always.....)

           And come to think of it, we also applaud Nolan's decision to cast transgender Elliot Page as the doomed young warrior Sinon. Regardless of his/their sex change, Page still looks like a teenager and well represents every child who ever sacrificed their lives as cannon fodder in ultimately forgotten wars. 

          The acting MVPs.....easily Anne Hathaway's go-for-broke performance as Odysseus' besieged wife Penelope and Samantha Morton's scene stealing turn as the witch Circe, personally re-arranging the faces of Odysseus' crew as she transforms them into pigs. Well done, ladies.....we couldn't take our eyes off you.  And even a slight tip-of-the-hat to Robert Pattinson's sneering, sniveling Antinous, the alpha dog of Penelope's would-be suitors. 

          But oh, the repetition....the monotony...

          This brings us to the film's major problem....the sameness of the separate adventures of Odysseus and his men. 

           They land on an island......all manner of monsters and supernatural bedevilment assail them, killing them off in bunches every time they park somewhere. Invariably, Ody and and his pals end up racing back to the boats and shippin' out for dear life. It looks like D-Day in reverse. 

           These sequences do go on and on and on.....and on. One of them, where Ody and the guys tangle with armor clad giants, has the look of a deleted scene that Nolan just couldn't bear to part with. Oh how we wish he had, since it could've dropped the running time to a more tolerable level. 

          As for Matt Damon's Odysseus, he's superb at bringing a world weary gravitas to the role. You can feel the unspoken pain tormenting him, having lost so many of his loyal men to his overwhelming hubris and poor judgement. 

            So what does this all add up to? 

            First, a movie worth seeing, by all means. Even if his film never becomes a cohesive whole, we'd never miss one of Christopher Nolan's Grand Opera attempts to paint on a large canvas. (And  any director who thinks "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" is the best Bond movie has our attention forever.......)

            Yes, it's a good thing for theaters that micro-budgeted Tik-Tok/YouTube horror movies packed in the crowds week after week.  But we'll still always look forward to the next world-changing lollapalooza from directors like Nolan....even when they don't quite come up to our expectations for them.....

            3 stars (***). 

         

           

        

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "CONFIRM MY LAWYER OR I'LL FILL MY DIAPER AND THROW IT AT YOU!!"" EDITION.....

 A brief note of positivity here......think of it this way.....we're only one clogged artery away from ending the 7 day a week madness. C'mon, McDonalds, pile on that cholesterol and answer the fervent prayers of a nation....and the world.

Great upcoming weekend to all BQ visitors....

To Trumpanzees: Hi there, bumblebrains....guess what he's coming after next? Your lower cost prescription drug prices.....  You can always take two aspirin and call him in the morning....or try gargling with bleach. He'll appreciate your efforts for self healing, we're sure. 

'OXFORD BLUES'/'THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS'.......WELCOME TO THE 80'S.....WHERE SMARTASSES REIGNED SUPREME.....

 Oxford Blues (1984)/ The Secret of My Success (1987)

  

       With yesterday's review of 1971's 'Vanishing Point' we took you back to the generally nihilistic viewpoint of 70's cinema....the bad guys were in control and resistance was futile. 

        With the onslaught of feelgood blockbusters like "Jaws" and "Star Wars", all that changed.....

         1980's major studio films, especially comedies, were designed like warm security blankets to make us leave the theater with a smile on our faces and confidence that everything in life worked out well.....

         And with the rise of new young actors, a template for stitching this films together was born......take one rebellious but lovable smartass, add an unattainable girl-of-his-dreams for him to meet cute and pursue.....and pitch him against a large variety of repulsive authority figures with the most punch-worthy faces imaginable. 

          For both comedies and dramas of the 80's the studios doggedly adhered to this blueprint as if they'd re-invented the wheel. And who could blame them as the box office cash rolled in....

         Let's take peek at two prime examples.....one that worked according to plan and one that didn't....

         Oxford Blues, a loose remake of 1938's "A Yank at Oxford", casts Rob Lowe, at the height of his pretty-boy fame, as Nick, a smartass Vegas hotel valet parker. He dreamily moons over young aristocratic Brit babe Lady Victoria (Amanda Pays)......and plans to woo and win her by getting admitted to Oxford and join the rowing team. 

          Don't even ask how that's possible. It's the 80's, folks, so the script makes it happen. Nick wastes no time alienating and annoying his stuffy professors, the oxford student body and Lady Vicky's stiff-upper-twit beau (the late Julian Sands).

          But Lady V. sure enough falls for him and the supremely arrogant Nick, gets a few well deserved lessons in humility, not to mention he's better off with the cute American girl cheering him on (brat-packer Ally Sheedy)......but don't worry, none of these life lessons serve to dampen his still charming smartassery.......

         Surprisingly, 'Oxford Blues', found little favor with either audiences or critics, unlike other Triumph of the Smartass entries. It looked and sounded a little too connect-the-dots and Lowe brought nothing to it but his pretty face.....

         The Secret of My Success fared infinitely better due to its secret weapon MVP Michael J. Fox, basking in the success of "Back to the Future" and his hit TV sitcom 'Family Ties'.  Fox, gifted with rapid-fire impeccable comedic timing, plays Brantley Foster, freshly arrived in NYC and determined to rise like a rocket in the business world.

        Essentially, this movie plays out like "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" minus the songs. Stuck in the mailroom, Brantley invents a fake executive alter identity for himself, dressing the part and squatting in an unused office.  In true 1980's fashion, he becomes a rising star in the company, unbeknownst by its land-shark CEO Howard Prescot (the late Richard Jordan) a distant relative of Brantley who got him in the front door to begin with. 

        Armed with a sharp funny script, a solid supporting cast and Herbert Ross's assured direction, Fox tears through this movie with an unbeatable mixture of puppy-dog charm and motor mouthed nerve. Audiences couldn't help but embrace Brantley, as does the unattainable junior  exec (Helen Slater) who has caught his eye.  Once again, the Triumph Of The Smartass proved itself as Hollywood's favorite trope.

        Our overall verdict.....unless you're a huge fan of Rob Lowe and competitive rowing, "Oxford Blues" adds up mostly to a 2 star (**) waste of time.

         The Secret of My Success, is a pitch perfect example of a 1980's crowd pleaser and still remains a whole lot of fun to watch....4 stars (****).

          

'VANISHING POINT'......I FIGHT AUTHORITY, AUTHORITY ALWAYS WINS......

 Vanishing Point (1971)

      We borrowed the sub-title for this post from from a John Mellencamp song, in case you young 'uns were wondering.......cause it perfectly sums up so many 1970's movies.....

       Nixon was the Prez, Vietnam raged on, with no end (or point) in sight, cops beat up protesters, college students rioted, and the good guys (Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King were dead and buried, their brains blown out.

       And you wonder why rebel heroes of 70's cinema ended up defeated, beaten up, blown up or perforated with bullets?

       Sometimes, when we choose to revisit well remembered (often cherished) 70's cult films, we're saddened to see they don't hold up. Raggedy editing, skimpy screenplays, an overabundance of pointing the camera at odd objects or dumb people's faces to make some kind of ironic statement.

        'Vanishing Point' contains a whole lotta that stuff, but in so many ways it stands as quintessential counterculture 70's filmmaking. Its primary point:  You can stick it to The Man, but The Man always sticks it up your ass.....

          First, let us mention that we had an intimate personal relationship with one of the film's two stars.....

        No, not Barry Newman as Kowalski, the enigmatic car delivery driver. 

         We speak lovingly of his co-star, a 1970 Dodge Challenger.....the exact same car we inherited from our dad, and whose sheer good looks and speed earned us enough moving violation tickets for a 10 day license suspension. 

          Kowalski, unfairly disgraced ex-cop, Medal of Honor Vietnam war veteran, and hell-on-wheels race car driver, has to get the Challenger from Denver to San Francisco in 3 days. 

          As you might imagine, Kowalski exceeds a few speed limits (easily done in a Challenger, we can tell you) and the state police are hot on his tail pipe.

         Encouragement and a cheering section come from Super Soul (Cleavon Little) a blind, black DJ in Middle-of-Nowhere, Nevada. His broadcasts and Kowalski's cop-evading driving soon capture public attention......so much so that bigots invade Super Soul's radio station to give him a severe beatdown.

         For those with even a passing familiarity with 1970's movies, do we really need to explain what happens here?  For anyone raised on 80's and 90's films, you're probably thinking Kowalski ends up with a hot babe, boatloads of cash and flies off to Mexico for some beachcombing, sex in a hot tub and gallons of Tequila.....

          Not in 1970, he won't......

          As rickety and poorly written as it is, we still had us some retro fun with this re-watch.  A true time capsule blast from the past, and a must for cinema curators of cult items......and those who'd thrill to see a Dodge Challenger put through its paces....

          3 stars (***).

           

'THE HUNTED' A THRILLER TO KEEP YOUR BLOOD RACING......AND THE BLOOD SPILLING......

 The Hunted by Steven Max Russo (2026)

     Still trying to catch my breath after this one......

     And now I've got to try to catch up on all the other books I stopped reading (not to mention numerous household chores) that I put on hold once this book had me in its vise-like grip.

     Yes, it's that kind of thriller you look for when you're in the mood for an adrenalin pumping, page-turning, up-all-night read. One that hits the ground running (and shooting) and never stops till there's countless rounds fired and a sizable body count.

     It takes no time at all to get caught up in the ultra dangerous world of Ophelia Harris, a former CIA analyst and now a field operative for the Grendel Security Group......essentially a private company of mercenaries for hire, conducting clandestine black ops, 'this-never-happened' missions for whatever government agency pays them.

     Ophelia's latest assignment for her boss Gerhard Mueller goes horribly wrong, with every Grendel operative dead except her.......and leaving her in possession of huge amounts of cash raised to fund insurgents in Middle East wars. Enraged and judging her a renegade traitor, Mueller sends out one hit team after another to terminate Ophelia when she returns to the U.S.........and there may be something else fueling his fury besides an operation gone south.

     But Mueller clearly underestimates Ophelia's formidable skills and determination to survive. And he didn't count on on her running into former Army Ranger Austin Medford, who remembers seeing Ophelia in action during his Afghanistan deployment. Once he aids her during yet another hit team assault, Austin realizes he's now joined her in Mueller's crosshairs. The hunt for the both of them is on.......until the hunted decide to turn the tables

     Virtually non-stop tension, suspense and explosive action follow, with Ophelia, Austin and their adversaries unleashing all manner of state-of-the-art weaponry upon each other. And through it all, Ophelia emerges an an all too human and vulnerable heroine, who does her best to avoid the carnage around her, even if her foes don't.

     Armchair adventurers who haven't yet discovered this book should be putting it right to the very top of their 'must read' lists. And prepare to stop everything else you're doing once you've started it.

     5 stars (*****).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "WE NEED MORE BILLIONS TO TOTALLY, UTTERLY OBLITERATE IRAN EVERY 10 DAYS OR SO" EDITION

 

BQ visitors, have a terrific, safe weekend.....see you all next week!

Trumpanzees, you literally brought Hell On Earth to the U.S. and world. Enjoying it yet?  And don't even start with the "...but I didn't vote for this!!" whining....you are still now and forever complicit. Have an unsafe, horrible weekend......