'STAKEOUTS AND STROLLERS'.....A FEARLESS REPORTER TURNED FECKLESS PRIVATE EYE....UP TO HIS EARS IN DANGER AND DIAPERS....

  Stakeouts and Strollers by Rob Phillips (publishes 3/17/26)

      Be on the lookout for this mystery gem, for which BQ received an advance copy, courtesy of NetGalley and Minotaur Books/St. Martin's Publishing.

     If this is the start of a series, I'm all in for more danger, cozy childcare and dry wit with Charlie Shaw - former San Francisco wild card news reporter turned relentless, fearless but fairly reckless Private Eye.

     The brazen Charlie, with his distaste for authority and ability to stumble into peril at any given moment gets a lot more than he bargained for while surveilling a cheating wife. This seemingly simple adultery case puts him in the path of a feisty but heartbroken 16 year old girl searching for her drunken petty criminal father........and also in the path of hoodlum brothers and their hulking scary hit-goon. And all this doesn't sit well with his his loving wife, who's not crazy about Charlie sometimes taking their adorable baby daughter with him on stakeouts.

     I loved how this story is told almost entirely in rapid fire, pithy, right-to-the-point dialogue exchanges and also with plenty of humanity, heart and a whole lot of sly humor. (In many ways, it sounded inspired by the priceless back-and-forth repartee of the Robert B. Parker 'Spenser' mysteries.) And by the way, the mysteries Charlie has to unravel are top-notch as well, filled with twists among a variety of characters, some vulnerable, some nasty and some of them downright hazardous to Charlie and his family's health.

     A terrific run read from start to finish and I can't wait for Charlie's further adventures.

      5 stars (*****).

PARDON US AS BQ BRIEFLY HEADS FOR SOME MEDICAL FIX-ME-UPS.......

 Sorry we won't be with you for a few days as we're hospital bound for a bit of a quick, medical repair job......hope to back in action within a couple days time and with loads of more reviews and commentary.....

      Our doctor (seen here examining us) is a recent graduate of R.F.K.Jr's newly opened medical school and assures us nothing could go possibly wrong.....

      See you in a few!

'SCREAM 7'....LIKE SANDS IN THE HOURGLASS....THESE ARE THEY DAYS OF THEIR KNIVES...

 Scream 7 (2026)

     Over the years, we've seen our fair share of slash-a-thons and watched countless numbers of slash-test-dummies go under the knife.....(mostly horny teen boys and cheerleaders...Numbers #1 and #2 on every slasher's to-do list).

      We actually held slightly higher hopes for this one, given that Kevin Williamson,  one of the primary masterminds of the meta-snarky gag 'n gore gilled 1996 'Scream', returned to both write and direct this new entry.  (the other mastermind being the original film's director, the late Wes Craven).

         Oh well.....pardon us while we exhale a sigh of resigned disappointment. Eh-h-h-h-h-h......

         Williamson hits all the usual tropes of this series.....the high body count, the endless references to other familiar horror movies (including the 'scream' movies themselves), the big reveal as to who (or how many people) were hiding behind the Ghostface mask.

           But there's no snap, crackle or pop in any aspect of 'Scream 7'......the direction, script, performances, camera work and set design. It feels like Willliamson and everybody else down the line just phoned it in and worked from a well worn 'Scream' Movies For Dummies' paperback instruction manual. 

           As always, whoever plays Ghostface is not simply a blade-wielding psychopath, but gifted with the physical stamina of a Marvel superhero.....like the old slogan for Timex watches.....they take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. 

          For the gorehounds, the kills are more than plentiful and every so often startling......the most imaginative and grisly is reserved for the poor little manic pixie theater kid played by McKenna Grace, whose final (and fatal) performance as Tinkerbell will give Scream-o-holics what they crave. 

          And we do salute the film's use of cinema's new arch-nemesis, A.I. as an excuse to resurrect a game Matthew Lillard, having the time of his life re-playing original Scream Ghostface Stu Macher.....

           Yet the whole dreary enterprise reeks of out-of-ideas filmmakers and studio execs lining up to squeeze more cash out of an exhausted franchise. The many deaths of the cardboard archtypes parade past us with little or no meaning, emotion or importance. We could almost imagine them holding on to tickets to await their names called for their turn into the meat grinder. 

           Mainly for 'Scream' completists and determined horror fans. For everyone else, it's never any better than 1 & 1/2 stars (* 1/2)  

           Easily skipped at theaters......just wait for whatever streaming services it wanders into. 

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.......SPECIAL COMBO 'KRISTI WE HARDLY KNEW YE...AND NEVER WANTED TO' & 'ISN'T WAR FUN!' EDITIONS

 This week's tsunami of madness defies all known description....so here's a visual rundown......first, America's most notorious domestic terrorist.....found herself unemployed.

But enough about Kristi, who's off to her new make-believe post of Special Envoy to Shield of the Americas.....which we're certain is the next Disney Plus Marvel series.....

        Now....battle stations, everyone! We're off to a Forever War! (You know, the kind Trump promised you he'd never get into......

To BQ visitors: Wondrous weekend to you all!

To Trump voters: Enjoy those rising gas prices....the war's only costing you a billion a day.....no problem, right? Right? Are you there?

WANT TO KNOW HOW TRUMP'S NEW WAR ENDS? EXHIBIT A: 'BILLION DOLLAR BRAIN'.....

     Here at BQ HQ, we don't need to rely on cable news pundits to predict how Trump's spankin' new war, Operation Epstein Fury  will turn out......

      We know already from the source by which all prescient wisdom emanates......

          Movies.

     We direct your attention to Billion Dollar Brain (1967) the third theatrical film about the adventures of novelist Len Deighton's dryly witty, slightly rogue MI6 secret agent Harry Palmer......as perfectly embodied as a kind of grown-up delinquent anti-Bond by Michael Caine. 

       Britain's resident anything-goes, madman director Ken Russell ("Tommy", "Altered States", "The Music Lovers") given the film's loony, nutso plot, predictably went wild with it......and the film's climax will provide you with a telling metaphor for Trump's latest, most insane attempt to take our minds off the Epstein files.....his Middle East war, which he swore to his mouth breathing, red-hatted Trumpanzees he'd never wage.

        'Billion's Megalomaniac is mad, mad, mad Texas gazillionaire General Midwinter (played with eye-bulging, foam-at-the-mouth gusto by Ed Begley). An All-American patriot, General M deploys his private army to invade Latvia and touch off a revolution that will no doubt cause the populace to rise up and overthrow communist Russia.

       Yeah....right. 

       Driving  minion-filled tankers and armed snowmobiles across a frozen lake, Midwinter's crusade literally sinks in mid winter......when the ice cracks and he and his army go glub, glub, glub into the ice cold drink.

        (And yes, if this sounds vaguely familiar to cinema buffs, of course it's a direct homage to the iconic drowning of the Teutonic Knights in Sergei Eisenstein's medieval war epic "Alexander Nevsky".)

          Midwinter's bubble-brained ideas of instant regime change bear a striking similarity to our own homegrown would-be conqueror, Donald Trump. But while Midwinter believes fervently in his cause, Trump believes in nothing but the greater glorification  of Trump and doesn't think much past that......meaning there's no endgame or carefully laid strategy on his mind, other than the fun of watching his missiles and bombs reigning down on the Iranians......combine that with a Filet O' Fish sandwich, fries and a coke -  it's Trump's recipe for a narcissist's orgasm. 

      Midwinter's army is nothing but a horde of faceless, fictional cultists who've swallowed his bullshit while five-time draft dodger Trump now risks the very real lives of American men and women of the U.S. armed forces......brave people he privately thinks of as 'suckers and losers'.

         Our final glimpse of Midwinter practically serves as a political cartoon of Trump......trapped in a flooded glass capsule, a prisoner of his own delusions, gasping for his last breaths as the water rises over his head. 

       Tragically, we've yet to see our last glimpse of Trump, with his toddler tantrums, decaying mind and desperate fear of his inevitable exposure as a pedophile. Because he's drowning all of us in that cracked open lake and determined to take us all to the bottom with him......

          

          

    

'200 MONAS'.....A MED THAT'LL MAKE THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU.....WHEN ALL BY YOURSELF.....

200 Monas by Jan Saenz (2026)

     What a wild, laugh-out-loud blast to read. Explosively funny, well armed with wit sharp enough to draw blood and two memorable lead characters thrown into enough raunchy adventures to fill a dozen extra-spicy romcoms.

     Bio Chemistry major Arvy Keening's only a few finals away from graduation and on to a Big Pharma internship and a future to bright, she's gotta wear shades...........except her grieving process for her recently passed unconventional mom has left her attached to the urn with mom's ashes like a security blanket.

     Major troubles befall Arvy upon her discovery of a stash of pills left over from mom's part time   dabbling as a drug dealer. Worse than that......the arrival of two seriously creepy professional drug dealers right out of 'The Addams Family'" and 'Pulp Fiction' and from whom her mom got the 200 pills. Not Molly, as Arvy first thought, but 'Mona' with each pill promising a mind blowing, earth-moving orgasm. And Arvy's been given 2 days to sell 10,000 dollars worth of them or the dealers will return to kill her in all manner of slow, unspeakable ways.

     In desperation, Arvy's compelled to join forces with Wolf, the campus's resident, smokin' hot drug dealer to peddle the Monas and from that point on, the book's a mad, mad mapcap series of riotous misadventures and crazy confrontations........not to mention dangerously stratospheric orgasms at the worst possible times and worst possible places.

     I had the best time reading this one and amid all the chaos, author Jan Saenz casts a knowing, satiric eye on romance, sex, grief, female empowerment, the obsession with virginity and the scourge of Big Pharma. I'd recommend it right away, because there's no telling if the inevitable movie made from this loony romp will be anywhere near as entertaining and outrageous.. Read the book first.

      5 aroused stars (*****).

'TURN OFF THE LIGHT'.....A CURSED, HAUNTED HOUSE.....IN THE 17TH AND 21ST CENTURIES......

 Turn Off the Light by Jacquie Walters (2026)

     Quite a clever, intricately constructed haunted house novel........where things that go bump in the night cut right through the fabric of space and time itself......across the gulf of over 400 years to go "boo!" in the same cursed, bedeviled house.

     On the Eastern Shore of 17th century Virginia, Edith, a young wife of hardworking famer David Harris, generates, through no fault of her own, fears and suspicions of witchcraft. . She's a dedicated skilled herbalist, using plants and such to fashion healing, natural remedies for whatever might ail her neighbors. But her benevolent talents foster vicious gossip that her powers are supernatural and surely the work of the devil. Speaking of the devil, Edith's lately been tormented by all sorts of paranormal phenomena throughout her house......as if there's something in the house with her.....watching her.....maybe even manhandling her.

     Centuries later in the very same house, single mom Claire has returned to her childhood home with her four year old daughter Julia. She's come to help her sister Tilly and brother in law Peter with the care of her and Tilly's father. Their dad's in the final stages of dementia with only a matter of a few days left until he passes. And it seems that every spooky, scary, unexplainable incident that terrified Edith all those centuries ago has come back to haunt Claire.....but why?

     As these two parallel timelines exist in the book in alternating chapters, the growing suspense and horror start to multiply in both centuries leading up to a truly staggering twist.......and puts both Edith and Claire directly in the path of evil......and death.

     The 17th century sequences are so rich in atmosphere and steeped in heartbreak, I think readers will find themselves gravitating to them more than the modern day scenes. To be honest, Edith's a much more sympathetic and finely conceived character than Claire, with the odds way more stacked against her., given the general ignorance of the era.

     But once the twists, jump scares and some startling violent surprises slam into you, the book then keeps you equally riveted to what's going on in both the 17th and 21st centuries.

     Best read on a dark, stormy night, with all the lights turned off except the one trained on the book......that one light you WON'T want to turn off until you've finished the last page.

      4 stars (****).