'CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD 4: LIGHTS! CAMERA! FRENDO!....AN UNFORTUNATE FILM CREW GETS FATALLY UN-FRENDO'D.....

 

 Clown in a Cornfield: Lights! Camera! Frendo!  by Adam Cesare (2026)

     When I opened the first pages of this book, it's a wonder that a tidal wave of blood didn't come gushing out of it, much like the hotel elevators in the "The Shining" ..

     And I wouldn't want it any other way. Once again, author Adam Cesare plunges us headlong into a slasher thrill ride guaranteed to stun you with surprises and make you gasp (or lose your lunch) at the fully graphic descriptions of spectacular deaths awaiting those unfortunate enough to encounter Frendo the clown.

     Book 4 goes cleverly ultra-meta, with a film crew arriving in Kettle Springs to recreate the original Clown in a Cornfield massacre for the big screen ...(hmm, this sounds familiar.....didn't that actually happen or did I just dream I went to see a real Clown in a Cornfield movie last year?).

     For horror movie buffs, the book pokes a whole of lot of knowing satiric fun at the film crew, headed by its much celebrated action movie director, a true legend-in-his-own-mind 'genius'. And of course there's a harried Assistant Director, and a cast comprised of preening, self absorbed actors, a fashion model and the inevitable social media pseudo celebrity. But the one cast member worth rooting for and empathizing with is that young star-in-the-making Sabrina, who's been awarded the prime role of Ultimate Final Girl Quinn Maybrook, the legendary Frendo slayer.

     Now what could possibly go wrong as this bunch prepares to film the gruesome Kettle Springs massacre? Art imitating life? Life imitating art? Let the blood rush freely and the limbs and heads go flying through the corn stalks...

     There's no end of inside references to horror movie lore and filmmaking in general. I especially loved that somewhere, in the midst of all the indescribable carnage, the book throws in the most priceless, hilarious take-down of method acting that I've ever read so far. And those demanding and expecting a heaping pile of wooo-hooo!! kill scenes.....you'll not come away disappointed.

     Better than a giant bag of candy corn or fun-size Kit Kats, 'Lights! Camera! Frendo' is the tastiest (and bloodiest) of Halloween treats. But I doubt faithful readers of this series will want to contain themselves to wait for the spooky season to read it.

     4 stars (****). 

JUST A REMINDER......

      It wasn't just members of his cabinet, members of his inner circle and the press corps that he threw into the line of Iranian fire while he snuck out in a catering truck disguised as a mutated taco......

    Our president is essentially President Greg Stillson of Stephen King's "The Dead Zone" (here played by Martin Sheen).....holding up a baby to shield him from an assassin's bullets......and the baby represents you, me and all of America.

Mid Terms are coming.......be there and help put the brakes on the bizarro world we're trapped in......

 

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.,PART 1......SPECIAL 'BUH-BYE KAROLINE, DON'T LET THE DOOR BUMP YOUR ASS....' EDITION.....

 Let us now bid a not-quite-fond farewell to Karoline Leavitt, who never met a lie so stupid that she couldn't spew it out in public......

Adios, oh Mistress of Mendacity....you'll be missed....by virtually no one.

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP, PART 2......SPECIAL TURKISH CATERING TRUCK EDITION.....

 

BQ visitors, have a great, great weekend. 

To Trumpanzees:  Remember everything Pumpkinhead warned you about Kamala Harris and Democrats.....endless wars.....a crappy economy....higher and and higher prices for everything you buy?  Remember? Ring a bell yet?  Guess who served up all that shit to you on a fake gold-plated platter......figured it out yet? We know you're thinking hard....we can smell the wood burning.

'THE GHOST AND MRS. MUIR'.......THE ELEGANCE OF CLASSIC CINEMA.......

 The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

      'Elegance' is a word we've rarely applied to any film we've reviewed over the years.....maybe to some of the Hitchcock thrillers like "Vertigo" and "North By Northwest" and a few others. 

         You can call it elegance, call it class or something similar.....what we mean is the application of precision, restraint and craft. Add those things to a film, along with artistic inspiration and you've got yourself a classic that will stand the test of time. 

          Watching "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir" again after who knows how many other previous viewings. we're still awed by its sheer state of perfection.....in its acting, production design, sumptuous music score, script and direction. 79 years later, it still casts an emotional spell over us.....(but only if you surrender fully to the story and the world it creates....) 

        We're back to the kinder, gentler turn of the 20th century in England, where determined widow Lucy Muir, (Gene Tierney) declares her independence from her shrewish, controlling in-laws. With her young daughter Anna (Natalie Wood) and housekeeper Martha (Edna Best), Lucy boldly rents a seaside cottage, even though it's haunted by the spirit of the roguish, boisterous sea captain Daniel Gregg (Rex Harrison).

         The reserved but inwardly fearless Mrs. Muir and the brusque, imposing Gregg make an impossibly odd but strangely lovable match that to the subdued melancholy of both, can never be consummated. As their friendship and affection for each other grow over the years, Capt. Gregg chooses to vanish from Mrs. Muir's life, knowing he must let her experience the adventure of living in the real world and finding genuine corporeal romance.

        But Lucy's only attempt at giving her heart away ends in such crushing hurt and betrayal that she remains an unmarried recluse for the rest of her life, waiting in hope to be reunited with the dashing Captain Gregg.  (The rotten heartbreaking cad by the way, is well played by George Sanders, who'd come specialize in such roles.....)

          You can scoff all you like at that plot description but the film presents this paranormal romance with full believability and commitment.  Gene Tierney  and Rex Harrison's pure and chaste love has wit, charm and a star-crossed aura of inevitable destiny surrounding it. Their story exists in its own self-contained snow globe universe.... and in the midst this mad cruel age we now live in, it's a soothing balm to revisit Mrs. Muir and Capt. Gregg every so often. 

       The combination of Tierney's exquisite porcelain beauty and Harrison's suave sexuality make them a one-of-a-kind coupling.....they never so much as touch, but you won't have any trouble feeling the longing and desire between them.

        And let's now mention another of the film 's primary MVPs.....legendary composer Bernard Herrmann, who drapes the entire film with one of his richest, most achingly romantic scores ever....a score that even the famously cantankerous, irascible Herrmann thought of as his best work. 

         Which brings us back to that description of ....elegance. You can hear it in Philip Dunne's literate screenplay (taken from a novel by Josephine Leslie) and see it in Joseph L. Mankiewicz's expert, sure handed direction in bringing the best out of his cast. 

         That, BQ visitors, is what make classic cinema and makes us give this film nothing less than the 5 stars (*****) it deserves. 

         (And you can get when it hits its 80th anniversary next year, we'll be watching it yet again.)

'HARRY AND WALTER GO TO NEW YORK'.....IN SEARCH OF LAUGHS.....WHICH THEY NEVER FIND....

 Harry and Walter Go to New York (1976)

       Yet another film that falls into the category of "Who ever thought this was a good idea?"

        A lavishly budgeted, overproduced comedy, it recreates the teeming streets, theaters and vaudeville nightclubs of 1890's New York. And all of it photographed (as usual for period films made in the 1970's) in that muted, brownish desaturated color that signified 'a long, long time ago'. 

        And packed with the biggest superstars of the 70's....James Caan, Elliot Gould, Michael Caine and Diane Keaton. With direction handled by top A-list director Mark Rydell ("The Reivers", "The Cowboys", "Cinderella Liberty")

          Only one huuuge problem here.....especially for a comedy.....

          There's not a single minute of its 111 minute running time that's funny. Or even remotely amusing. In fact, it's damn painful to watch. All that money, time and talent thrown at the screen.....for nothing at all. 

         You'd need the Hubbell telescope to detect any humor in the script concocted by John Byrum and Robert Kaufman. With no trace of fun in sight, director Rydell concentrated on the decor and overall atmosphere, while allowing Caan and Gould to carry on like a dire blend of Abbott and Costello, Jerry Lewis and the Three Stooges.  They're excruciating to watch in action, dripping in flop sweat and desperation. 

        The boys play Harry and Walter, terrible vaudevillians and petty thieves who find themselves locked up in prison along with suave, aristocratic gentleman safecracker Adam Worth (Caine, the only cast member who survives with his dignity intact.) Worth despises the bumbling duo, who accidentally set fire to the thief's luxurious, furnished prison cell. (Apparently, Worth's charm and reputation makes him beloved among the prison staff.)

     Back in the big city, our dumb duo conspire to thwart Worth's next bank heist by robbing the bank ahead of him........with the aid of fiery progressive pamphleteer Lissa Chestnut (Keaton, in a waste-of-time role for her). This ridiculous caper involves the boys crashing a performance of an absurd musical, upending it with their own improvised, massively unfunny clowning, like a hellish remake of "A Night At The Opera". (At one point in this tortuous sequence, Gould dons blackface. Enough said.)

         The only diversion anyone might take out of this trainwreck comes from the film's enormous roster of familiar faces in the supporting cast.....Charles Durning, Burt Young, Lesley Ann Warren, Jack Guilford, Bert Remsen, Ted Cassidy and many more.

         Catastrophic from beginning to end, "Harry and Walter....", to absolutely nobody's surprise, flopped the instant it hit theaters, with the cast and filmmakers quickly disowning it. We wouldn't even recommend this film for fans of the actors involved.....for them, it might prove too  heartbreaking to sit through. 

         Unfit on any and every level. Zero stars (0). Avoid it whenever it rears its ugly head....

           

         

        

'BRIMSTONE HOLLOW'.....MURDER IN APPALACHIA......FOR GOSH SNAKES!

  Brimstone Hollow by Archer Sullivan (2026)

     Nothing's better to cozy up with than a swiftly paced mystery steeped in the atmosphere of its location.....taking you to a place that seems so familiar and yet somehow strange and threatening at the same time.

     And that would perfectly describe the rural Americana settings of Appalachia where Private Investigator Annie Gore operates. Her latest case takes her to a small town that was mystified and enthralled by a snake handling preacher.......until he was found dead, bitten and poisoned by the very reptiles that curled around his arms during his thundering sermons.

     The preacher's daughter, raised by a mother who fled the marriage to her father, now hires Annie to look into why her father's funeral and burial came and went with such speed in that supposedly sleepy little town. Annie Gore, toughened by an unsettled childhood and her years as an Air Force investigator, won't leave that town until all of its darkest secrets are laid bare. Because it's clear that preacher Ezra King's death by snakebite was no accident and the increasing pile up of murders that follow more than bear that out.

     Author Archer Sullivan knows her territory like only an Appalachian can and the town, with its bizarre church, supernatural rumors and notorious deep sulfur pit are vividly depicted. A dangerous place to poke your nose into private lives, but Annie Gore won't leave town until there's closure for her client and an end to the mysteries swirling around the high body count. .

The book's incredible, tragic reveals finally come at you one after the other. 'Brimstone Hollow' may not sound like an ideal vacation spot but it makes for a solidly page-turning whodunit.

       4 stars (****).