'OXFORD BLUES'/'THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS'.......WELCOME TO THE 80'S.....WHERE SMARTASSES REIGNED SUPREME.....

 Oxford Blues (1984)/ The Secret of My Success (1987)

  

       With yesterday's review of 1971's 'Vanishing Point' we took you back to the generally nihilistic viewpoint of 70's cinema....the bad guys were in control and resistance was futile. 

        With the onslaught of feelgood blockbusters like "Jaws" and "Star Wars", all that changed.....

         1980's major studio films, especially comedies, were designed like warm security blankets to make us leave the theater with a smile on our faces and confidence that everything in life worked out well.....

         And with the rise of new young actors, a template for stitching this films together was born......take one rebellious but lovable smartass, add an unattainable girl-of-his-dreams for him to meet cute and pursue.....and pitch him against a large variety of repulsive authority figures with the most punch-worthy faces imaginable. 

          For both comedies and dramas of the 80's the studios doggedly adhered to this blueprint as if they'd re-invented the wheel. And who could blame them as the box office cash rolled in....

         Let's take peek at two prime examples.....one that worked according to plan and one that didn't....

         Oxford Blues, a loose remake of 1938's "A Yank at Oxford", casts Rob Lowe, at the height of his pretty-boy fame, as Nick, a smartass Vegas hotel valet parker. He dreamily moons over young aristocratic Brit babe Lady Victoria (Amanda Pays)......and plans to woo and win her by getting admitted to Oxford and join the rowing team. 

          Don't even ask how that's possible. It's the 80's, folks, so the script makes it happen. Nick wastes no time alienating and annoying his stuffy professors, the oxford student body and Lady Vicky's stiff-upper-twit beau (the late Julian Sands).

          But Lady V. sure enough falls for him and the supremely arrogant Nick, gets a few well deserved lessons in humility, not to mention he's better off with the cute American girl cheering him on (brat-packer Ally Sheedy)......but don't worry, none of these life lessons serve to dampen his still charming smartassery.......

         Surprisingly, 'Oxford Blues', found little favor with either audiences or critics, unlike other Triumph of the Smartass entries. It looked and sounded a little too connect-the-dots and Lowe brought nothing to it but his pretty face.....

         The Secret of My Success fared infinitely better due to its secret weapon MVP Michael J. Fox, basking in the success of "Back to the Future" and his hit TV sitcom 'Family Ties'.  Fox, gifted with rapid-fire impeccable comedic timing, plays Brantley Foster, freshly arrived in NYC and determined to rise like a rocket in the business world.

        Essentially, this movie plays out like "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" minus the songs. Stuck in the mailroom, Brantley invents a fake executive alter identity for himself, dressing the part and squatting in an unused office.  In true 1980's fashion, he becomes a rising star in the company, unbeknownst by its land-shark CEO Howard Prescot (the late Richard Jordan) a distant relative of Brantley who got him in the front door to begin with. 

        Armed with a sharp funny script, a solid supporting cast and Herbert Ross's assured direction, Fox tears through this movie with an unbeatable mixture of puppy-dog charm and motor mouthed nerve. Audiences couldn't help but embrace Brantley, as does the unattainable junior  exec (Helen Slater) who has caught his eye.  Once again, the Triumph Of The Smartass proved itself as Hollywood's favorite trope.

        Our overall verdict.....unless you're a huge fan of Rob Lowe and competitive rowing, "Oxford Blues" adds up mostly to a 2 star (**) waste of time.

         The Secret of My Success, is a pitch perfect example of a 1980's crowd pleaser and still remains a whole lot of fun to watch....4 stars (****).

          

'VANISHING POINT'......I FIGHT AUTHORITY, AUTHORITY ALWAYS WINS......

 Vanishing Point (1971)

      We borrowed the sub-title for this post from from a John Mellencamp song, in case you young 'uns were wondering.......cause it perfectly sums up so many 1970's movies.....

       Nixon was the Prez, Vietnam raged on, with no end (or point) in sight, cops beat up protesters, college students rioted, and the good guys (Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King were dead and buried, their brains blown out.

       And you wonder why rebel heroes of 70's cinema ended up defeated, beaten up, blown up or perforated with bullets?

       Sometimes, when we choose to revisit well remembered (often cherished) 70's cult films, we're saddened to see they don't hold up. Raggedy editing, skimpy screenplays, an overabundance of pointing the camera at odd objects or dumb people's faces to make some kind of ironic statement.

        'Vanishing Point' contains a whole lotta that stuff, but in so many ways it stands as quintessential counterculture 70's filmmaking. Its primary point:  You can stick it to The Man, but The Man always sticks it up your ass.....

          First, let us mention that we had an intimate personal relationship with one of the film's two stars.....

        No, not Barry Newman as Kowalski, the enigmatic car delivery driver. 

         We speak lovingly of his co-star, a 1970 Dodge Challenger.....the exact same car we inherited from our dad, and whose sheer good looks and speed earned us enough moving violation tickets for a 10 day license suspension. 

          Kowalski, unfairly disgraced ex-cop, Medal of Honor Vietnam war veteran, and hell-on-wheels race car driver, has to get the Challenger from Denver to San Francisco in 3 days. 

          As you might imagine, Kowalski exceeds a few speed limits (easily done in a Challenger, we can tell you) and the state police are hot on his tail pipe.

         Encouragement and a cheering section come from Super Soul (Cleavon Little) a blind, black DJ in Middle-of-Nowhere, Nevada. His broadcasts and Kowalski's cop-evading driving soon capture public attention......so much so that bigots invade Super Soul's radio station to give him a severe beatdown.

         For those with even a passing familiarity with 1970's movies, do we really need to explain what happens here?  For anyone raised on 80's and 90's films, you're probably thinking Kowalski ends up with a hot babe, boatloads of cash and flies off to Mexico for some beachcombing, sex in a hot tub and gallons of Tequila.....

          Not in 1970, he won't......

          As rickety and poorly written as it is, we still had us some retro fun with this re-watch.  A true time capsule blast from the past, and a must for cinema curators of cult items......and those who'd thrill to see a Dodge Challenger put through its paces....

          3 stars (***).

           

'THE HUNTED' A THRILLER TO KEEP YOUR BLOOD RACING......AND THE BLOOD SPILLING......

 The Hunted by Steven Max Russo (2026)

     Still trying to catch my breath after this one......

     And now I've got to try to catch up on all the other books I stopped reading (not to mention numerous household chores) that I put on hold once this book had me in its vise-like grip.

     Yes, it's that kind of thriller you look for when you're in the mood for an adrenalin pumping, page-turning, up-all-night read. One that hits the ground running (and shooting) and never stops till there's countless rounds fired and a sizable body count.

     It takes no time at all to get caught up in the ultra dangerous world of Ophelia Harris, a former CIA analyst and now a field operative for the Grendel Security Group......essentially a private company of mercenaries for hire, conducting clandestine black ops, 'this-never-happened' missions for whatever government agency pays them.

     Ophelia's latest assignment for her boss Gerhard Mueller goes horribly wrong, with every Grendel operative dead except her.......and leaving her in possession of huge amounts of cash raised to fund insurgents in Middle East wars. Enraged and judging her a renegade traitor, Mueller sends out one hit team after another to terminate Ophelia when she returns to the U.S.........and there may be something else fueling his fury besides an operation gone south.

     But Mueller clearly underestimates Ophelia's formidable skills and determination to survive. And he didn't count on on her running into former Army Ranger Austin Medford, who remembers seeing Ophelia in action during his Afghanistan deployment. Once he aids her during yet another hit team assault, Austin realizes he's now joined her in Mueller's crosshairs. The hunt for the both of them is on.......until the hunted decide to turn the tables

     Virtually non-stop tension, suspense and explosive action follow, with Ophelia, Austin and their adversaries unleashing all manner of state-of-the-art weaponry upon each other. And through it all, Ophelia emerges an an all too human and vulnerable heroine, who does her best to avoid the carnage around her, even if her foes don't.

     Armchair adventurers who haven't yet discovered this book should be putting it right to the very top of their 'must read' lists. And prepare to stop everything else you're doing once you've started it.

     5 stars (*****).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "WE NEED MORE BILLIONS TO TOTALLY, UTTERLY OBLITERATE IRAN EVERY 10 DAYS OR SO" EDITION

 

BQ visitors, have a terrific, safe weekend.....see you all next week!

Trumpanzees, you literally brought Hell On Earth to the U.S. and world. Enjoying it yet?  And don't even start with the "...but I didn't vote for this!!" whining....you are still now and forever complicit. Have an unsafe, horrible weekend......

'SUMMERTREE'......MICHAEL DOUGLAS IN A NEPO BABY GIFT FROM DAD KIRK......

 Summertree (1971)

       Among the oddball, obscure 60's and 70's  movies that BQ has unearthed, this one's as oddball and obscure as they come.......

         Fascinating backstory, though. A young Michael Douglas, at the beginning of his acting career, got canned by the director of Ron Cowen's new play dealing with a red hot topic -  young American men facing the draft and a high potential of death as cannon fodder for the Vietnam war meat grinder. Unless, of course, they could stay safe with a college deferment.

         To be blunt, the director didn't think Douglas had the acting chops to play Jerry, a rebellious music student who, through his own hubris and self-absorption loses his deferment and faces either Vietnam or fleeing to Canada. (Close to 50,000 young men did exactly that to avoid a horrible, pointless death in Southeast Asia....)  

         (Let's stop for a second here....Seriously? This theater director didn't think Michael Douglas (of "Wall Street" and "Basic Instinct") couldn't pull his weight? Say what now?)

          Unthwarted, Douglas had his father Kirk Douglas buy the film rights to the play and gift his son with 'Summertree' as a movie project.....and the chance for Michael to take another shot at the role and prove he had more than enough gravitas to play this conflicted (and somewhat spoiled, borderline obnoxious) character. Which he proceeded to do....

           To increase the oddness factor, directing this distinctly American drama fell to, of all people, British actor, writer, composer and showbiz jack-of-all-trades Anthony Newley. Why? We've no idea. But to be fair, there's nothing much wrong with the way Newley handles the material and the cast; he moves the thing along efficiently enough. But the script taken from the play remains stubbornly unfocused and wanders about with no urgency or defined point of view. 

        And Douglas's character is.....well, kind of a spoiled jerk and tough to work up any real empathy for. Jerry confounds and worries his parents (Jack Warden, Barbara Bel Geddes) when he considers dropping out of college and 'find himself' as a guitar playing songwriter. 

         While he figures out his goals as the draft and Vietnam loom, Jerry tries Big Brother mentoring a black child and then falls into a romance with Vanetta (Brenda Vacarro) a nurse older than Jerry and clearly more worldly wise.  Both these subplots eat up a good portion of the film's running time and and the script never does more than dance around the ongoing strife facing young men in the America without any deep insight or detail.

        Jerry's feckless ways finally put him in the draft crosshairs, leading to an abrupt climactic moment in his decision making that doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but at least works up some dramatic heat missing from the rest of the film.

         'Summertree's' final shot struck us first as a lazy crude attempt to finally attach a point of view  to the film. But looking back, it does epitomize the essence of serious 1970's cinema.....bleak, nihilistic, and hopeless..... (before the feel-good blockbusters of Spielberg and Lucas came to soothe us and make happy endings essential in the film industry....)

        Regarding Michael Douglas......as far we can tell, he did just fine in the role and you can spot the moments of controlled intensity that he'd bring to his later, more celebrated performances. We've never seen nor read Ron Cowen's original play which was nominated for a Pulitzer prize.....we can only judge the script adaptation by Edward Hume and Stephen Yafa, which was far, far far from Pulitzer-worthy. 

        At the time of its release, critics and audiences pretty much reacted to the film the same way we did and 'Summertree' sank like a stone into instant obscurity.....

        Fans of Douglas and Vaccaro (also excellent) and those who remember those turbulent early 70's days might want to take a look.....but don't expect much. Right now, it streams free on Roku.

         2 stars (**).

         

         

'THEY WILL KILL YOU'......YES, THEY WILL......WITH TERMINAL MONOTONY.....

They Will Kill You (2026)

     Stumbled upon this during a week when HBO offered free movies to lure more subscribers. And we're still regretting the precious 95 minutes of our life that slipped down the drain as we watched it.....

      Designed as a gorehound's Grindhouse delight, it pits kickass, street-toughed young badass Asia Reaves  (Zazie Beetz) against a NYC high rise apartment populated by immortal devil worshippers. These robe clad loonies got more than they bargained for when they took on Asia as the latest in a long line of dearly departed maids. Not a whole lot of job security there, since the maids serve as human sacrifice fodder to Satan himself, who struts around with a giant pig's head. (Maybe he thinks he's President....)

        But Asia's not havin' any of that nonsense, which leads to pitched, ridiculously gory battles between her and the tenants, primarily led by familiar faces like Patricia Arquette, Heather Graham and Tom Felton.  Limbs and heads go flyin' everywhere and the wall paper drips with fresh splatter. 

         But here's what doomed this movie for us. Being immortal, these spunky apartment dwellers can literally assemble themselves back together and have a go at Asia all over again. Some nifty digital effects accomplish this, but the conceit renders all that fast 'n furious bloodletting a complete waste of time.

         It's like an entire reel of nothing but those climactic battles in Marvel superhero movies (only with more body parts strewn about)........since nothing's at stake, why bother to sit through it? By the time Asia does finally get around to going  'Quiet Piggy!' on Satan's ass, you may not even be awake......

          This movie's for people who like to surf YouTube for compilations of the bloodiest fights in Tarantino's filmography......just for shits and giggles.

          The Gore Brigade won't want to miss it. For them, 3 stars (***).  For everyone else.....c'mon, you could find 1000 better horror movies than this on any streamer you picked randomly....(except maybe Hallmark and Nickelodeon....they're scary in different ways....)

          Zeetz and the cast absorb a lot of punishment and commit fully to their carnage......but it seems like way more punishment for us than them.

          Outside of this film's core demographic of Cheetos munchin'  fanboys living in their parents' basements, there's nothing of interest left for the rest of us. 

           Zero stars. (0).