'JET PILOT'.....HOWARD HUGHES AND JOHN WAYNE'S LOONY 'SPY WHO LOVED ME FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE'........

 Jet Pilot (1957)

       We always thought Howard Hughes and John Wayne had hit the heights of cinematic lunacy with their 1956 epic "The Conqueror".....(which BQ enjoyed a jolly time reviewing on 6/2/17 along with 1965's equally ludicrous "Genghis Khan"....)

       Who could ever forget that doomed star-crossed tsunami of madness,  "The Conqueror"?  With Wayne, his eyes pinned back to play Genghis Khan and filmed downwind of an atomic testing sight, so Wayne, the cast and crew sucked in plenty of unhealthy whiffs of radioactive dust, later fatal to many of them, including Wayne. 

        Could anything be crazier than that?

        We give you 'Jet Pilot'.....filmed between 1949 and 1950, when jet planes were truly groundbreaking and world shaking technology. The obsessive micro-managing Hughes tinkered with the film for seven years before finally releasing it. 

         By that time, jets were a permanent part of the world landscape and the Russians were shooting Sputnik into outer space.....rendering 'Jet Pilot' as stale and out of date as Prohibition. 

        And it didn't help that the script and story were gloriously absurd and as unintentionally funny as "The Conqueror". But anyone would enjoy an infinitely better time watching John Wayne struggling with indigestible dialogue as Genghis Khan, then suffering through the mad, mad convoluted plotting of 'Jet Pilot'.

          The lunacy kicks off with a cutesy-wootsy Russian cupcake and ace fighter pilot (Janet Leigh) piloting her jet out of Siberia to seek asylum in a U.S. Air Force base in Alaska.

           We can only assume Leigh's character Anna Marladovna, was trained at that infamous KGB imitation American small town......designed like the suburbs of a TV sitcom, meant to train deep cover commie spies to pose as God-fearing Americans while sapping our precious bodily fluids.....(pardon us for channeling 'Dr. Strangelove's Jack D. Ripper)

          With no trace whatsoever of a Russian accent, Leigh looks and sounds like she wandered in from an MGM musical. She wants asylum but won't spill any of Mother Russia's top secrets to the Air Force brass. So she's turned over to Col. Jim Shannon (Wayne) who's supposed to do his duty and woo her into the bosom of democracy.....or something like that. No problem there, since big lug Shannon' fallen hard for her ever since he caught sight of her stepping out of the shower.

          Off they go, our lovebirds, into the wild blue yonder, as they take their jets on loop-de-loop flights into the stratosphere...... and aviation obsessed Howard Hughes fills the screen with  endless shots of Wayne and Leigh's stunt pilots soaring through the clouds on their airborne playdates. (With much of the hair raising precision flying done by 'The Right Stuff' legendary pilot Chuck Yaeger.)

          By now, we understand the movie's trying to function as some kind of cockeyed romcom, except with a total lack of humor in either the dialogue or the performances.  It's painful to watch this film attempt comedy......but then it takes another bonkers turn into......who knows what.

          Leigh turns out to be a actual spy up to no good, but now she's got a real thing for Wayne...and vice versa. Telling Leigh she's on the verge of imprisonment and deportation, Wayne takes the bold, risky step of marrying her to keep her in the U.S.......and then, brace yourselves, the newlyweds, conflicted as hell by their romance and each deceiving each other on behalf of their countries,  fake-defect back to Russia and end up turning the tables on Leigh's Soviet spymasters by stealing their sooper-dooper new jet. 

        (At one point, still loyal USSR patriot Leigh pistol whips Wayne when she discovers she's been played by him.....but love means never having to say you're sorry if you're out to screw each other both in bed and war at the same time.....)

          If all of this sounds completely nuts and beyond all rational comprehension......well, yeah.....it is. And a punishment from hell to sit through. But that's why BQ stays on the job, to save everyone the agony....

           'Jet Pilot' does offer a hefty dose of jet planes doing almost balletic sky choreography, but then so do the 'Top Gun' movies, which are way more fun to experience. 

           Strictly for dedicated Wayne and Leigh completists and collectors of the world's most strange and misbegotten movie curios.  

            For everyone else....Zero stars (the big 0). Pass it by. 

          

            

'BEFORE YOU WERE ANNE'....GENERATIONS OF MYSTERY, MURDER AND DEEPLY EMOTIONAL DRAMA.....FROM TOKYO TO SEATTLE....

  Before You Were Anne by Emiko Jean  (2026)

     My reaction to this book felt like the same reaction I had to "The Return of Ellie Black, the first of author Emiko Jean's 'Chelsey Calhoun' mysteries. I could practically post the same review all over again.......because my take on this book is identical. (which you check out in my post on 'Ellie' from 5/7/24....)

     In other words......blown away. Completely awestruck. With "wow" as the first operative description I can think of, just as in the first of this series....

     Once again, Asian-American Detective Calhoun probes a murder and kidnapping that reveals the heartrending backstories of victims and the overwhelming evil that entraps them. And this time it's a case that spans decades, generations and the misfortunes of young Japanese women who sought a path to America. But it's a path strewn with deceptions, betrayals, tragedy and ultimately violence. A journey requiring monumental courage and determination to survive......which some do not.

     Among those who didn't - Seattle single mom Rika Takahashi, found stabbed to death and her teenage daughter Naomi missing. Chelsey Calhoun's investigation into Rika's life and death uncovers secrets and crimes that stretch across Pacific ocean......from the bright lights and sleazy nightclubs of Tokyo to the seemingly peaceful suburbs of Seattle. Chelsey, herself an adoptee, recalls her own childhood memories as she races to locate and rescue Naomi, who may have stumbled into the worst parts of her mother's tortuous past.

     It's rare that I come across a book that works so brilliantly to combine its mysteries with the insightful view of its characters that you'd expect in literary fiction. By the time "Before You Were Anne" reaches the finale,, there's satisfaction in the closing of the case, with answers revealed, but with the lingering sadness of the emotional trauma and heartbreak left behind.....that's what stays with you.

      And for me, that's what pushes this one all the way to 5 stars. (*****).

'UNTAMED COAST'.....ALASKAN ADVENTURES AND MYSTERIES.....SPANNING DECADES AND GENERATIONS......

  Untamed Coast by Kevin C. Morris (2026)

     What an ambitiously grand debut for an author this is. A book that functions on multiple levels......and does them all well, drawing you into three seemingly unrelated stories and timelines that all take place along the stunning rugged coast of Alaska. There's heartfelt drama, mystery, suspense and the high adventures of navigating those treacherous waters surrounding some of the world's most striking natural wonders.

     In 2017, lonely widower Marconi Franco takes his boat wandering through that rough, frequently storm-tossed coastline........ breathtaking voyages he'd hope to take with the late wife he still pines for. A mayday call, a plea for help from a lost desperate woman sends Marconi on an obsessive but fruitless search for her. In 1938, Joe Baxter works his job of receiving and sending out radio messages at a remote coastal outpost. But he's also busy, along with two conspiring partners, skimming and stashing away the gold from a corporate mine. In 1982, Anya Baron struggles to help her husband operate their fishing boat. Not an easy task as she suffers through the agonies of her drunken husband's frequent beatings.

     Author Kevin C. Morris completely enthralled and fascinated me with all three of these storylines, their characters, and the unpredictable reversals-of-fortune they encounter and endure. And as the book moves toward its final chapters, there's a cascade of twists and reveals as these timelines begin to connect into one multi-generational saga. Also, for armchair travelers, you can practically sit back and lose yourself amid the crashing surf, rocky shores and spectacular wildlife of Alaska.......but you might want to put on a life-jacket first.

     An impressive, immersive start for a new storyteller and I for one can hardly wait to see what he comes up with next. One of the all around best reads of this Fall season.

     5 Stars (*****).

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL "DOLLY'S LEFT US....YET HE STILL LIVES ON" EDITION.......

 Further proof that life is cruel and unfair......Dolly Parton and Tim Curry are gone....but he is with us still....

BQ visitors, have a great weekend! Back with you next week....

Trumpanzees: Make plans to visit Lake 'America' real soon. Consider taking a nice long swim across the length of the lake.....without life jackets.....

'DECEIVED'.....A MOLDY GOLDIE OLDIE FROM THE GOLDEN AGE OF PSYCHO THRILLERS......

 Deceived (1991)

     We've previously spoken of our lingering affection for the psychological thrillers that enjoyed their heyday throughout the 1990's.

       Many of them laboriously stuck to the template set by "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" (Innocent family terrorized by someone posing as normal, but really nutso....nanny from hell, cop from hell, neighbor from hell, doctor from hell, etc, etc.)

       Others fell into that heavy breathing, hot 'n bothered erotic psychosis pioneered by 'Basic Instinct' (and beaten into the ground by hundreds of direct-to-video cheap knockoffs.)

       But there were others that chose to forge their own paths to rev up the chills 'n thrills.....some good, some not so good.....some godawful.

       'Deceived' fell into the area between 'not so good and godawful.....

       Commanding attention immediately is the unique casting of normally bubby, effervescent Goldie Hawn as a woman distressed and threatened.  Hawn goes out of her way to prove she's got the serious dramatic chops to perform this role, but her studied low key grimness doesn't make her or the film very interesting to watch. 

        Neither does the skimpy script, filled with plot holes and senseless unbelievable incidents and behavior. 

         No great spoilers or outrageous twists to reveal here either. A simple premise......Goldie discovers her meet cute husband (John Heard) is literally nothing and no one that he appears to be. Over the course of the film, she discovers he's an identity shifting, sociopathic thief and murderer, stealing names and ending lives with equal fervor. Basically, he's a less charismatic version of Patricia Highsmith's iconic slime, Tom Ripley.

        The film does work up a measure of oncoming dread as the increasingly alarmed Hawn peels off Heard's many deceptions like layers off a rotted onion. 

        But then this all leads, as we feared it would, to Hawn and Heard's final extended mano-e-Goldie showdown. Of course it takes place in a large abandoned building, the usual psycho-thriller funhouse loaded up with locked fire door exits, corridors that go nowhere and lots of hidden corners for Heard to pop out of and go booga-booga.

       Pardon us while we suppress a deep yawn. 

       The pivotal moment is dumb as is, come to think of it, all of Heard's machinations and motives. Screenwriters Mary Agnes Donoghue and Bruce Joel Rubin either had whole chunks of their script cut out or maybe wrote it that way not giving a damn if it made any sense to an audience. 

        We'll at lease credit director Damian Harris (son of Richard) with giving individual scenes the appropriate aura of unease and danger and even at low gear, Hawn can't help but make you protectively fear for her. 

        But overall the film's a raggedy, hard to swallow mess and not among our favorites in the 90's thriller line-up. 

        Huge fans of Hawn may want to check it out. Everyone else can easily skip it.  1& 1/2 stars (*1/2)

         

'SHELTER'.......MORE GENERIC THUGS NEED STATHAM-IZING........ZZZZZZZZZ.........

 Shelter (2026)

     We don't want to spend any more time writing a review of this usual Jason Statham movie than was spent on writing its screenplay.....

       We're guessing 20 minutes tops.....maybe 30 if the writer stopped to pee or have a cup of coffee. 

       This one follows the template....."grizzled, monosyllabic ex-black ops commando comes across feisty child and whole bunches of black ops commandos out to kill him....he protects the child while wiping out commandos who regularly show up like pop-up video game villains...."

        And there you have your standard Statham product, fresh off the assembly line that pushes out these Statham sausages at the rate of one every 2 months or so. 

        Do we need to say any more?  Do you really need to read detailed descriptions of the Jason-ator shooting, stabbing, punching and kicking combat clad minions......you can almost hear the director shouting out like a Broadway choreographer.... 'One...two...three...kick! One...two...three...kick!'

        Somewhere in this sludge, you can spot a cadaverous looking Bill Nighy as the government mastermind who's sending out all the kill squads. Not that he does anything special while he's waiting his turn to get Statham-ized. 

        As for our star, it's like he turned into Rick Ford, the exaggerated lampoon of himself he played in the Melissa McCarthy comedy "Spy".....("Nothing kills me. I'm immune to 179 different types of poison. I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison ingesting crime ring.")

         He's still playing Rick Ford, only without the quips recollecting his prowess. Maybe if his writers and directors threw some of those zingers in, we'd start to like these movies more.....

         1 star (*) Same old, same old......

          Okay, the review's done. And we didn't even stop to pee or take a coffee break. 

       

'BAD INTENTIONS'......BACK TO HOME SWEET HOME AGAIN.......WITH ALL THE BURIED MURDER VICTIMS.....

  Bad Intentions by Iliana Xander (2026)

     Once a book starts tantalizing me with vague descriptions of past crimes coming back to bedevil its current day characters, I can't help but go all in with it, totally hooked.

     Our lead, Josie Boots has fallen victim to that singular malady that afflicts heroines of either romcoms or insulated small town thrillers......a embarrassing, humiliating misstep that's left her hated, scorned, a pariah, an outcast, and fair game for cruel memes and posts.

     So what else is there to do but return to her small town home. It's where her ailing grandmother lives under a cloud of suspicion over the town's most scandalous past crimes.....brutal crimes of arson and murder that also hang over Josie's late mother. Not exactly the best place to piece your life back together. Especially when some anonymous caller in town claims to hold the answers to all the dark secrets of Josie's family.

     But her attempt to meet with this individual appears to come to an abrupt, violent end. Or does it? And here's where author Iliana Xander stirs up the pot (and the plot) putting an ever growing pile of clues, reveals and finally some real threats in Josie's path.

     By the time 'Bad Intentions' throws a full spotlight on every last murder in Burnville (oh yes, you can bet there's more than one) you'll have to shift into that 'stop-whatever-I'm-doing-to-finish-this-book' zone.'.....a sure sign of one irresistible mystery read.. High recommendation here.

     4 stars (****).