'WONDER WOMAN'.........RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO HADN'T SEEN IT.....

Wonder Woman (2017)      Once again, we get to revel in our official role as The Last Person On The Planet To See The Blockbuster Everyone's Been Talking About.......

              Our first carved-in-stone Ground Rule, equivalent to the 2 rules about Fight Club........we never, never, never waste a moment of our precious time attempting to rationally describe the plot of any comic book movie.........life is too short.  Just thinking about it has the same effect on us as a tranquilizer dart meant for Rhinos. 

                So here goes......in no order whatsoever.......

                Gad Gadot   The best thing to ever happen to superhero movies since Christopher Reeve. The total package.....badass, gorgeous.....and surprise, surprise, warm, sweet and funny. She balances all these qualities with the aplomb of a trapeze artist who works without a net. 

                 Call us crazy, but in a heartbeat, we'd toss out that depressingly tedious Oscar nomination for Meryl Streep and give that slot to our gal Gal.  (Why can't the Motion Picture academy just hand out a yearly stick-on gold star to Streep, like the kind we used to get on our 3rd grade spelling test.....and leave the Best Actress field wide open and competitive for a change.....)

                Chris Pine   Superb, subtle comic timing in his quieter scenes with Gadot. We don't give a flying you-know-what about all the CGI battle scenes........for us, the very best parts of this movie came out of the witty Gadot-Pine byplay. It's what helped lift the movie over and above the increasingly crowded superhero traffic jam......

                 Lucy Davis.....as Pine's secretary, contributing further comedic gold to Gadot's fish-out-of-water scenes in London. 

                 Wonder Woman's verbal takedown of the British General......before he commands her ejection from the room on the grounds of being female, she slams the misogynistic bastard for hiding in the War Room while he uses his troops as cannon fodder. Makes you wish someone made this same speech to George W. Bush.......

                 Sidekicks  Pine's merry band comes off as so random, we thought they were picked by spinning a big wheel with the names of assorted character types and nationalities printed on it. 

                 The Climactic CGI Wham-Bam Showdown......which pits the Gal-inator against Ares, the God Of War.  Seriously, does anyone still stay awake during these things?   Wonder Woman throws massive amounts of heavy crap at Ares.......Ares throws massive amounts of heavy crap at Wonder Woman.  And then, as required by comic book movie law, they start throwing each other around.  Oops, there goes Wonder Woman, tossed high and long, like a Tom Brady Hail Mary pass at the Super Bowl. Oops, there goes ole Ares, flyin' off in the other direction.......

                 We do appreciate 15 minute superhero battles in this regard........it's an excellent time to check e-mails and watch kitten videos posted by our Facebook friends.....

                 To sum up.......without Gadot and Pine, we've no idea how much of this we could have tolerated without constantly rolling our eyes. But with them,.....and on their behalf......3 stars (***)

                  How did that Wonder Woman/Ares fight turn out anyway?  We lost track.....those Facebook kittens were so damn cute........