'SNATCHED'.........NO GOLDIE IN THEM THAR HILLS.........

Snatched (2017)   Two sad thoughts struck us while watching this.......

              Amy Schumer, bound and determined to make us squirm at the sight of her character's many deficiencies, isn't that far removed from Aubrey Plaza's psychotic internet troll in "Ingrid Goes West".

               Like Plaza's Ingrid, Schumer's Emily uses selfies as a therapeutic balm to smear on her insecurities and personal failures.  She feels she's not living a life unless it's captured on her smartphone......

               Emily hasn't reached Ingrid's level of implacable psychosis yet........but only because "Snatched", designed as a comedy, wants us to laugh at her........not fear her.

              Personally, we didn't find Schumer's character any funnier than Plaza's.......even during a scene where a handsome guy Schumer has her eye on catches a glimpse of her washing her vagina when the Ladies room door swings open.

           That's what passes for humor in this movie.

           The other depressing thought hit us when Schumer flips through an old family photo album with pictures of her mother, played by Goldie Hawn.

            The photos are actually pictures of Hawn in her younger, movie-superstar days, all of the photos capturing the wide-eyed elfin charm that made the whole country fall in love with her.

            And then the movie presents us with a soul-sucking view of Hawn as she appears today......

            God only knows how many plastic surgeries and Botox injections have flattened out Hawn's face into a featureless wall of flesh. She resembles a cartoon character who's had their face smashed against the pavement......and for a few seconds, before the character shakes it off, their face comes off pavement-shaped....

             Except Goldie Hawn can't shake it off......

             The movie itself? A rickety, desperate contraption about the mother-daughter's calamitous vacation in Ecuador. You can practically envision screenwriter Katie Dippold's sweat dripping on to the laptop keyboard as she frantically throws in any crap that might set off a snicker or two.

             Well, Katie, for all your exertions, you did get a grudging chortle out of us at least once.......at the sight of someone dangling a piece of meat in front of Schumer's open mouth to entice a tapeworm to come crawling out of its hiding place in her stomach.

             Probably more appropriate for a horror film.......but for us, the comic high point of this movie.

             The rest of it......the usual worthless litany of people behaving badly, which the filmmakers hoped would elicit big yocks.

              Yeah, right.

              1 star (*).......a vacation about as much fun as one of those Carnival cruise ships where the bathrooms stop working.......