Friday, February 9, 2018

'OSS 117: MURDER FOR SALE'.....THE ALMOST BOND PLAYS THE WANNABE BOND.....

OSS 117: Murder For Sale (1968)   ..............and here's the last of the batch of  1960's Eurospy romps featuring France's favorite superspy.......

            Basically no different than the other four........long, long stretches of deadly paced plot, interrupted every so often by fairy entertaining fight scenes. That is, if you're still awake.....

             This one does feature an ironic casting twist......with our Gallic Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang, now played by John Gavin, once a Universal Studios assembly line Hearthrob ("Imitation Of Life", "Midnight Lace", "Tammy Tell Me True").

              Gavin's place in cinema history became well secured by his minor but pivotal role as Janet Leigh's afternoon delight BoyToy in "Psycho"......but few people are aware of how close he came to taking over the most coveted film role in the world......

               Yes, 2 years after his turn as 117,  he was all set to don the tuxedo and strap on the Walther PPK to play James Bond in "Diamonds Are Forever". (Which we sort of understand.......Gavin vaguely resembled a bad courtroom artist's sketch of Sean Connery.....with all the dangerous sexuality erased and the facial features smoothed out to a bland approximation.....)

                As we all know, United Artists executives dropped to their knees in front of Connery, dangling one million dollars between their teeth. After Sean said yes, they graciously paid off Gavin anyway and sent him packing........and off he went to a far more satisfying career(for him)  as a successful businessman and Ronald Reagan's ambassador to Mexico.

                The Bond producers must have breathed a sigh of relief........because.if Gavin had played James Bond, this dopey little OSS film most certainly would come crawling back out of the woodwork to haunt both them and Gavin....(probably under the renamed title "Bullets are Forever" or something equally horrendous...)

               Once again, as if this even required explaining, our man Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath is out to break up yet another super secret outfit. This one's a strictly business bunch, engineering political assassinations to maintain high profits for corporate moguls.  (And excuse us while we take a moment of thankful prayer that we never have to type out Hubert's full name anymore...)

               Hubie-Doobie goes undercover as a murderous killer to get recruited into the organization, run by future Bond villain Curt Jurgens,  Jurgens, already outfitted as a Bond villain in a paisley Nehru jacket, orders up a vaccination for Hubes from the on-site doctor, played by yet another future Bond villain, Luciana Paluzzi.

               To de La Bath-boy's chagrin, Jurgens has a surefire workplace motivation plan for his new hires.....having Luciana inject our hero with a poison that requires a daily 5 pm shot of antidote.....or else he drops dead at 5:15. Now there's an incentive for increased employee productivity....

              As usual, with the exception of the fight scenes, the rest of it plays out in slow motion.....as oh so typically directed by Andre "Wake Me When It's Over" Hunebelle.  If only anyone involved in this movie's production had checked its director for a pulse.......

              So we'll bid farewell to OSS 117 and his strangely soporific movies, but we'll still fondly recall some of his rousing punch-ups with various thugs......(there's one hell of a brawling highlight reel someone could extract out of the overall stillborn footage in each film) 2 stars (**).....if for no other reason than we've never seen a secret agent played by the Ambassador to Mexico....

             

             

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