RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER......PROMISES, PROMISES......

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)     Final? Really?   Happy days are here again......

               We'd throw confetti up in the air if the unholy husband-wife duo of Paul W.S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich were truly serious about making this film the last of their video game atrocities......

                 As we've stated many times before with sludge like this, we refuse to descend into the madness of attempting a blow by blow description of the plot.

                Other than to say.........somewhere in the random jumble of images that constitute Anderson's pathetic tries at film editing, we think we caught glimpses of his wife fighting zombies, mutants, flying monsters and at least one human.

                  But that's strictly a guess. We're pretty sure she moved around a lot,but that's as far as we'll go......

                One ironic thought has stayed with us........throughout this entire miserable series.......and we doubt it ever occurred to Anderson and Jovovich.  They've never struck us as people with even one drop of self mockery about what they're doing........

                  The Umbrella Corporation.......a business entity so catastrophic in its incompetence, it defies us to find any suitable adjectives to describe it. For sheer chaos, stupidity and evil, it's rivaled only by the Trump White House......

                   Just for giggles, we would have written this scene to start off every "Resident Evil" movie.......an Umbrella Corporation stockholders meeting.

                  "We regret to inform you that having wiped out half the world's population and turned the other half into ravenous zombies, our projected profit margins will fall short of expectations this fiscal quarter........"

                    You have to wonder where the Umbrella Corporation finds suitable job applicants who aren't either dead or semi-dead, shrieking like banshees as they scramble for brains to munch on. Ah well, maybe they just promote from within.....

                   And where do Umbrella Corporation retirees go after they've gotten their gold watch and farewell fruit cup at the company cafeteria?   Not much of a world to relax in outside the Umbrella HQ building, what with Jovovich and company fighting off the zombies and flying mutants. Maybe there's a Senior Center in Ft. Lauderdale still open.......

                     Memo to Anderson and Jovovich:    If calling this movie "The Final Chapter" was  nothing but a cruel prank on your part, the BQ has supplied you, free of charge, with a surefire hook for the next one........team up Jovovich withRhianna and call it "Resident Evil: Under the Umbrella....ella....ella....ella."  Don't forget to cast the Trump brothers, Eric and Don Jr. as the co-directors of Umbrella.........cause that would explain all the apocalyptic corporate decisions.

                      As for "The Final Chapter" and all the previous "Resident Evil"s.....zero stars (0).  Can't wait for the next one......hmmm, maybe we can wait a bit. How 'bout a millennium?