"LINDSAY LOHAN'S BEACH CLUB"........WHERE UNREALITY GOES TO DIE.......

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club (MTV-2019)    Only Beloved Daughter could coerce us into watching episodes of this pop culture landfill..........

                  We weep and mourn for the precious minutes of our life we wasted on such a swirling mass of excrement........

                    Leave it to the lizards of MTV to assemble this perfect storm.........the collision of one of their all too typical reality show casts with the sad, wasted human wreckage that is Lindsay Lohan......

                    Lohan, the once promising, now washed up starlet continues her persona as a pitiable figure......the woeful result of upbringing by one of the world's worst set of parents - a fame hungry idiot mother and a criminal father.

                    After a film career undone by booze and drugs, the MTV series shows her literally washed up on a pristine beach in Mykonos, Greece......co owning and managing a bar, cabanas and lounge chairs with an obsequious, preening little worm named Panos.

                     Panos bills hiimself as "Creative Director".......and his greatest achievement in creativity is dubbing himself a 'creative director'........

                    Into the mix comes the standard MTV collection of 'reality' characters........the usual feckless, clueless, rootless bunch of Millennials gasping and grasping for their 15 minutes of reality-show fame. They accomplish this mainly by picking staged fights with each other........

                    Hilariously, these dopey, ex-bartenders and waitresses have been hired as "Ambassadors" for what Lohan constantly refers to as 'representing my Brand'......

                    Their great task?  No different than Bar Girls who've been working cheap dives since the dawn of liquor........shmooze customers into running up huge drink tabs.......

                     For a show that bears her name, Lohan herself appears only sporadically......used like a pop-up cardboard prop to ensure the show title's truth-in-advertising..........we see her and that genius of creativity Panos  expressing grave concern that their "Ambassadors" aren't pushing enough hooch and cabana rentals........

                     Not even guilty fun to view as a trainwreck, the show reeks like year-old garbage from beginning to end........a shitcake of worn out reality show tropes capped off by the exhausted Lohan, presiding over what's left her celebrity, babbling on about maintaining her 'brand'..........

                     Worthless sludge, unfit for anyone's consumption. Zero stars (0)