'ZARDOZ'.......THE FUTURE IS BOND IN A DIAPER.......

Zardoz (1974)......serves as a cautionary tale of what happens when a film director is indulged to make anything he wants after his previous movie became a huge success.....

                John Boorman set the cinema world on fire with 'Deliverence'..........hence his given a blank check to vomit up this thing.....which we gag when making any attempt to describe it......

                 We barely remembered anything about it since we last saw it at its original unveling.....other than it was about some typically horrifying future dystopia that featured Sean Connery as a barbarian in a red diaper and a giant floating stone head......

                  12 hours after seeing it again, those are still the only things that stick out about it.

                  As far as we know, no critic ever accused John Boorman or his movies of having a sense of humor........but we' not so sure anymore. This movie's so grindingly, in-your-face weird and awful, it feels like it should be titled, "National Lampoon's Really Bad Sci Fi Movie"..........

                   We do remember, back in '74, the theaters showing 'Zardoz' posted placards on the sidewalk, explaining the movie's tortuous mythology to anyone brave enough to buy a ticket and endure it......

                   Since we don't have access to that placard, we'll have to wing it.........

                  Sir Sean's a hunka-hunka burnin' Barbarian who doesn't understand why the Giant Floating Stone Head keeps telling him to hunt down poor shlubs who procreate.......(evidently the only ones allowed to screw are the hunka-hunka gang who're allowed to rape any of shlubettes they don't kill )

                    Off he goes in search of answers, which leads him to the uppercrust, high falutin' bunch who rule the world.......sexless immortals who wear skimpy outfits and have lots of funhouse mirrors that function as the movie's special effects......

                    But why go on........the film remains self-indulgent, pretentious gibberish from beginning to end......and only becomes close to watchable when it exceeds itself in pure lunacy......(Connery's in a wedding dress at one point......and screams hysterically when he finds out his messed up world was derived from a classic children's book....)

                     We deeply sympathized with Connery in that scene.......we felt like screaming tool

                   And we knew how to rate this movie after watching the first five minutes of it, let alone the punishing 1 hour, 55 minute remainder......a perfect AFH, an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.  

                   Only people in Hell should be forced to watch it.