Warning Sign (1985)
CORA: Lighten the **** up will ya.......who better to critique a virus movie than a ****ing virus!
And I'm willing to bet that all your little blogees never heard of this one..... or like you, they're so ****in' old they don't even remember it.anymore.
BQ: We're pretty sure we remember 'Warning Sign'......didn't it take place in some top secret government germ warfare lab, parked out in the middle of nowhere?
CORA: Correct-o-mundo, flesh-puddle! So this high-tech dump is cleverly disguised as an agronomy center, growin' corn on the cobs the size of Vin Diesel's penis.......until one of the hazmat-suited science nerds steps on a vial of stuff that fell on the floor!
BQ: -Which is filled, natch, with a deadly , highly contagious new virus....even worse than....than.....well, you.
CORA: Yowza! This germ's like me on steroids and soon the whole place gets sealed off, locked down......and the science nerds start droppin' faster than Kentucky Trumpanzees at a pool party!
BQ: Funny, isn't that exactly how Trump thinks you were born.....as an accident in a Chinese lab?
CORA: Listen, between you and me.....I was incubated in one of Baby Orange's farts while he was grazing on his 3rd Big Mac of the night.......but don't tell 'im, okay?
BQ: Why not reveal the truth? He might take pride in the accomplishment, proclaim he has .....the very BEST farts'.....
CORA: Let's get back to the movie.......cause just like Trump's presidency......the worst is always yet to come......
BQ: How worse could it get? You just said the virus kills everyone.
CORA: Au Contraire, you fool! They're not dead yet! They all rise up, sporting industrial-sized acne on their faces.......which turns 'em into super pissed off Virus Zombies!
BQ: All of them?
CORA: All except the head scientist who created the virus in the first place. On account of he's the smartest guy in the lab, the virus turns him into something like a Bond Villain Virus Zombie, leading all the others on kill parties to wipe out innocent people......
BQ: Sort of like what Trump wants to do, using the military against U. S. citizens.....
CORA: Now you know why I couldn't wait to get in here to review this movie!
BQ: Certainly sounds like the film was ahead of the curve.
CORA: Yeah, but sorry to say, the ending blows chunks. Just didn't work for me......
BQ: How so?
CORA: Oh, it sucks on multiple levels.......the cutie-pie lab security bitch teams up with her husband, the town sheriff and some other science nerd.......and goddamn, wouldn't you know it-
BQ: They come up with an anti-toxin? A cure?
CORA: Arrrrrrrrggggghhhh! Don't even go there! Spoiler alert! If it wasn't for that suck-balls ending, I would have given this movie 4 stars! (****) So I'm droppin' itdown to a goose egg......
BQ: We agree to disagree, Cora. We thought the movie was terrific.....a fine cast, loads of suspense and action......and with a nice dash of horror too. So this blog's going with 4 stars (****).
CORA: Then this is the last time I'm doin' you a favor with movie reviews......I was all set to come back to review my favorite germ movies...."The Andromeda Strain", "Outbreak"....."The Green Slime"
BQ: Save your breath, we covered all those films already........but before you leave us, here's a cocktail to go.....how 'bout a splash of hand sanitizer for the road......
CORA: (screaming) Arrrrrrrrrrrr.......make America sick agaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnn.......Vote Trump 2020!
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