It's some kind of stupifyingly rotten, Euro-trash rip-off of "50 Shades Of Gray"......with most of its running time devoted hard pumpin' fellatio and Olympic Pentathlon-worthy bouts of sex.......
We'll say this much........the two leads at least appear enthusiastic and invested in their roles, as opposed to their USA counterparts Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, who glumly traipsed through the '50 Shades' trilogy like they were enduring a tandem colonoscopy......
The characters here are both repulsive and unbelievable.........the guy is a heavily tattooed, hot tempered Mafioso studmuffin who kidnaps a high powered Polish woman executive.......to keep her captive for a year until she falls in love with him.........
Uh.....yeah, sure. Right.
She's feisty at first, but it only takes a plethora of softcore humping to bring her around..... where's the Law And Order SVU team when we really need them?
Even more sex ensues, followed by the expected shopping montages underscored with a never ending supply of generic Euro-pop tunes.
And then finally the film comes to an abrupt stop that's as random and stupid as the rest of it.......as if the filmmakers are giving you the middle finger, sneering, "look what you suckers just threw away 2 hours on...."
Okay, that's all the time we want to spend with this. The sex scenes, we suppose, could be put to some productive use if they're downloaded on PornHub......
The movie.....let's just say.... Landfill. Toxic waste. An automatic AFH, Abomination From Hell.. A cinematic Cornonavirus........worthy of cremation.
For any Trumpanzees reading this, we'll put it simply.....No likey.
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