The two superstars burned hot 'n heavy for each other the year before 'Houseboat' as they worked on Stanley Kramer's lugubrious, silly costume epic "The Pride And The Passion"......
But by the time this romantic comedy geared up for production, Loren had already opted to stay with her producer husband Carlo Ponti.......so whatever chemistry there was in the Grant/Loren pairing had evaporated into the thin air......
And this is what's left.......a stillborn romantic drama/comedy that devoid of romance, drama and comedy.......with two stars who barely look at each other throughout the proceedings.......
If nothing else, Hollywood romcoms of the 50's and 60's expressed a cheerful exuberance and sunny optimism. Not this one. 'Houseboat' kicks off with an unpleasant set-up......three grief-stricken children, mourning the sudden accidental death of their mother, are scooped up into the custody of their distant, barely caring father (Grant)
Neither Grant or the character he plays has even the slightest rapport with the kids, so you wonder why he even wants them.........which is why the movie's forced to throw Loren into this dysfunctional mess, playing the runaway Italian socialite escaping from her dictatorial father.
Throughout this odd couple pairing, the movie spends a lot of wasted time begging for pathos with Grant's many awkward attempts to bond with the children falling flat. At one point he launches into a tortured circle-of-life analogy as he tries to explain to his 13 year old why people have to die. What fun.
Grant's clearly not engaged with the material on any level and Loren's mostly forced to strut around and just.......look like Sophia Loren......(to be fair, that was more than enough for millions of red-blooded male moviegoers)
Everyone's simply cashing a paycheck here.........it's the rare Hollywood comedy where you can see it for what it is......a business deal masquerading as a movie.
This is one studio bauble that BQ sees no need to ever return to - so we'll kiss it off
with 1 star (*).....and that star's only for the sight of Loren bursting into song every 15 minutes or so, warbling "Bing Bang Bong" a relentless little earworm designed for radio play.....
The movie? Bing Bang Wrong.
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