Monday, May 25, 2020

TRUMP-ANOIA! WE BREAK DOWN AND RATE TOP 10 CONSPIRACY THEORIES!

          Another day, another vast conspiracy........and so many to keep track of........

           Leave it to your trusty, ever vigilant BQ to organize, analyze and rate Baby Orange's never ending parade of paranoia........Let's get started, shall we?

            #10 - Birtherism  An oldie but a goodie, Baby Orange rode this one like a champion surfer on a 30 foot wave of pure bullshit....("I've got people in Hawaii looking into this.....they can't believe what they're finding!)   But so obviously stupid, even he had to give it up......our rating 1 star (*)

             #9  Millions Of People Voted Illegally  Hey, if they voted for Hilary they had to be illegal, right? How else could Baby Orange lose the popular vote.  B.O. even appointed a commission to investigate. Guess what came of it?  Same as our rating....Zero (0)

             #8  Obama Bugged The White House  We love spy thrillers, so this one's among our favorites. Although we don't know what Obama could have overheard, other than slurping of cokes, crunching of extra-crispy KFC and the sound of Fox News turned up loud.....3 stars (***)

              #7  Ted Cruz's father plotted to kill JFK    What a slam dunk this one was......so insane, it sounded ripped from the pages of the National Enquirer.  Oh, wait a minute.....that's where it was ripped from.  And the Enquirer wouldn't make up stuff up just like Baby Orange, would they? And he certainly wouldn't be stupid enough to believe it, would he?  A 4 star doozy (****)

              #6  The election's rigged  Lame. Hardly worth discussing.  And it only held water for Baby Orange before the election......of course  it dissolved once he realized the Electoral College did indeed override the popular vote and rig the election....for him. But wait!  Look for this conspiracy to make a huuuuuuge comeback in November....1 star (*)

              #5  The Deep State's Out To Get Me   Awesome! More spy stuff!  And so easy to keep going without a single shred of evidence.....4 stars (****)

              #4  New Jersey Muslims cheered on 9/11    No evidence here either, but for sheer audacity and imagination, it's spectacular.......3 stars (***)

                #3 That Wasn't My Voice On The 'Access Hollywood' Recording  We're almost tempted to put this one in the #1 spot, just on the basis of pure, unfettered way-out-there lunacy.......but that's part of the fun in Baby Orange conspiracies......wait a day or two and there's always an even better one comin' down the road.   But without a doubt, a 4 star(****) bellringer.

                 #2  Joe Scarborough Murdered One Of His Aides  So conflicted on this one, a veritable Mt. Everest of mania.......one the one hand, it's hilarious, with Baby Orange pumping out the tweets as fast his chubby little fingers will let him.......on the other hand, it's kinda scary, showing the depth of his desperation and psychosis.   This one makes us think it's about time to measure him for that long overdue straight-jacket....1 pathetic star (*) Or as he says in the tweets...'Sad'

                  #1 All The Coronavirus Theories ("It's a hoax", "It'll go away",  "Drinking Disinfectant Will Fight It"    The 5 star winners (*****) hands down.......all of these theories floated out while thousands of Americans gasped their breaths. Baby Orange's greatest achievement.....a level of heartless ignorance and evil that will stand forever in the country's history.......

                 We realize we've left out a load of others in compiling this list......(it hurt so much to leave out the 'Windmills Cause Cancer' goodie) but given time, we fear there'll be enough for a whole new list.......

                  But probably not this weekend. Baby Orange is too busy playing golf.......while the corpses of Covid-19 victims pile up.
             

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