Avengers: Endgame (2019) Pardon us if we sit back and contemplate this whole Disney/Marvel Universe tidal wave with one bemused, raised eyebrow...........
BQ grew up in an era where Hollywood studios thought of sci-fi/fantasy movies as fast buck, low budget quickies........made mostly for drive-ins and kiddie matinees........
The average budget of a sci-fi/fantasy film in those days wouldn't even cover the cost of Evian water for Robert Downey Jr's trailer........
So I can't help cracking a sardonic smile at the sheer amount of money, time and talent expanded on these epic superhero slugfests with their ever growing population of costumed characters and creatures........
At this point, I'd need one of those NCAA March Madness bracket charts to figure out who's who and who's doing what to whom in order to keep them all straight........their various superpowers, allies, enemies, weaknesses and their connectivity to the multiple storylines in play......
I'd also need a Masters Degree in quantum physics to figure out the complex layers of time travel the gang's using to reverse the events of "Avengers: Infinity War"..........(ever since "Back To The Future II", BQ's made it a strict policy to not spend so much as one second attempting to understand screenwriters' wonky time-travel science........forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown.....)
Given that 5 million bloggers and critics have already had their say......I'll simply drop in a few random notes.........
Memo To Disney and Marvel directors: WHEN ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO PEE DURING YOUR GODDAMN 3 HOUR MOVIES!!!???? When are you guys gonna realize you're not making "Gone With The Wind" or "Lawrence Of Arabia"........
you're making movies about people in spandex throwing each other around like my cat does to chew toys......this doesn't take 3 hours......Let's see you guys sit through "Endgame" while slurping on a jumbo Coke.....bring your Depends......
Fat Slob Thor Far and away our favorite character........at last a superhero who looks and sounds like the Big Lebowski..........to make it perfect, they should have had him yell out in the heat of battle, "Hey man, there's a
beverage here!" (Just wondering how many Comic-Con fanboys compared the size of their paunches to Thor's)
Smart Hulk Our second favorite character, the best visual effect in the entire film......finally allowing Mark Ruffalo to play the Hulk as.......Mark Ruffalo......in his next Marvel appearance, they should make him a Kindergarten teacher.....or a Presidential candidate......
One More Memo To Disney and Marvel Directors: DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THERE'S ANYONE LEFT IN THE WORLD SO STUPID AS TO BELIEVE YOU REALLY KILLED OFF............(WE DARE NOT SAY) And no, we're not referring to the individual who gets a climactic death scene to rival Greta Garbo's in "Camille".......we speak of someone else......whose demise gave us the same reaction we had watching half the "Infinity War" cast reduced to dust in the wind.......
yeah, right. Sure....whatever.
......And While We're On The Subject, Disney, Could You Promise Us That The Next 47 Marvel Movies Will Have Nothing To Do With Infinity Stones.......Seriously, guys.....give 'em a rest and think of something else for the superheroes to overcome......gallstones, maybe....
Captain Marvel........truly the most annoying superhero in the crowded Marvel universe. Unlike her flawed, conflicted, all-too-human compatriots, CM's insufferable satisfaction with her unlimited God-like powers makes us cringe every time she shows up. Here's hoping she stays in outer space.......might as well, since she considers us all beneath her.......
Okay, that's more than enough musing for a comic book movie. 2 & 1/2 stars (** 1/2)
(.......as seen on Blu-Ray......with multiple pee breaks....)
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