MONSTER RALLY!! ......BQ'S EXCLUSIVE ROUND-TABLE WITH GODZILLA, MOTHRA, RODAN & KING GHIDORA!

                  Yes, you read that headline right.......BQ spared no expense to bring together the Fab Four of apocalyptic destruction for an exclusive group interview........to coincide with the opening of their new film "Godzilla, King Of The Monsters"........

                   I rented out my local Wal-Mart's parking lot, the only venue that could fit them in.......and with a clear agreement that NO topic is off-limits.........(with one exception.....)

                    Please note that  King Ghidorah's conversation had to be divided up by KG #1, KG #2, or    KG #3, depending on which of his three heads are speaking......

BQ:   Welcome to the Beached Quill, all of you!   Gotta say, you're lookin' good for your ages if you don't mind me sayin'-

G:  No Botox on me, baby......which is more than I can say for these three.....

R: Hey, screw you, morning-breath, at least I don't look I've been hittin' the Tokyo Dunkin Donuts for the last five years.

G: All muscle, bird-brain. You heard of six-pack Abs?  I got 30,000 cases of Abs.......

M:  Hydration, that's the key, darling.  And skin softening lotion after you peel off the make-up every night.

BQ: No question, Mothra, you still rock the red carpet.......who are you wearing?

M:  The wingspan's Dolce & Gabanna, jewels on the antenna are Harry Winston-

KG #1, 2, 3:  (in unison)  Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!

G:    You brain dead lizard, will you take off those stupid red hats, already!  You're not at a rally, morons!  And the Warners guy warned you - no politics on the publicity junket......

BQ:  I had no idea King Ghidorah was a Trump supporter-

G:  Yeh, he loves the screaming.........and some Russians on Facebook talked him into registering each of his three heads to vote in three different states,,,,,Alabama, Georgia and Mississippi.

BQ:  Getting back to the film, how'd you guys feel about gettin' the band back together.....I mean, starring in a film together again?

G:  Not the first time a studio tried it. Couple of years ago, The Weinstein brothers pitched us a project.......they wanted something like "Original Gangstas", you know, the one of with Jim Brown, Fred Williamson and Pam Grier?

R: Oh right, I remember that script.......we were gonna play international art thieves pullin' one last heist.....we were gonna clean out the Louvre.

BQ:  You're kidding. You guys?

M:   Lost count of how many re-writes they went through, they couldn't figure out a way to make us look inconspicuous when we break into the museum.  Not to mention Harvey Weinstein tried to assault me at the Cannes film festival.....

BQ:  Oh my God, for real?

M:    Big fat bastard tried to grab 3 or 4 or my legs, started singing 'Larva, when you're near me' to himself.  I can't discuss this any further.........there's litigation pending.

KG # 1:  No obstruction!

KG # 2:  No collusion!

KG # 3:  I'm totally exonerated!

G:   King, will you shut the hell up with that shit already?  No wonder you love Trump.....three heads and you're still dumb as a rock.

BQ:  Here's a question for all of you.  This is a huge movie for you guys, with a 200 million dollar budget.  Any of you worried about the film's reception, how it'll fare at the box-office?

G:   Nah, we're cool. All you can do is breathe fire, step on some buildings, kick a little ass and hope for the best. Steven Seagal gave me that advice years ago. Or was it Michael Bay......?

M:  I'm just a little disappointed they cut out my best scene.  They got the Olsen Twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley to sing me out of my cocoon. It was so sweet......

R:  Bullshit, it slowed the movie down. And those little dwarfs can't sing for squat....

G:  Even if we don't do well here in the States, we'll kill 'em in China. They eat this crap up. They even sat through 'Mortal Engines'.....

BQ:  King Ghidora, you have anything to add before we wrap things up here?

KG # 1, 2 & 3: (singing in unison)  "I'm the only one of me! Baby, that's the fun of me!"

G:  What can I say. Three headed imbecile really loves his Taylor Swift.......but all the heads have to fight over one single IPod.......not a pretty sight......

BQ:  Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me. Godzilla, I simply have to ask......before you go, could you light up your back plates and shoot out a little fire for us?

G:  No problem. But I hate when kids ask me to do this in airports and Starbucks.........Okay, here goes.....this Bud's for you.
                         (sound of roaring......fire....)

BQ:  Oh jeez...........there goes the Wal-Mart.........oh the humanity!

G:    Ooops. My bad.  Damn, I was gonna pick up that DVD with all the 'Dumb and Dumber' movies......they had it for 3.74, too.