DEPT OF SILLY CINEMA............."LADY STREET FIGHTER"

Lady Street Fighter (1981)     Here's the thing about laughing your way through really crappy movies........

                 It's fun for about 20 minutes or so.........maybe more if you're good at supplying instantly funny put-downs, a la 'MST3K'.........

                   But there comes a point where you realize that precious moments of your life tick away as you waste it on garbage unfit for human consumption.....

                    Keep in mind, I do not speak of wonderfully entertaining tripe like 'Fiend Without A Face', the original 'The Blob'......or even 'The Green Slime'.......

                    Those puppies, bad and embarrassing as they are, never fail to keep me enthralled and amused every time I watch them........

                      No, what I speak of here is incompetent, inept, unwatchable turds, slapped together by people who never, ever should have been allowed near filmmaking equipment.......

                      Exhibit A:  This movie........the brainchild of Renee Harmon, a German woman who, after marrying an American soldier, ended up in the USA to pursue her delusions of  creativity in movies.........

                      Renee's staggering lack of both acting and writing talent made Ed Wood Jr look like Orson Welles, but that bless her ridiculous soul, that never stopped her.

                        "Lady Street Fighter", written by Renee, has her as voluptuous Euro-Babe (you'd have to use your imagination to imagine her as such) tracking down sleazy mobsters who tortured and murdered her sister........

                          At least I guess that's the plot, since Renee's thick accent renders most of her dialogue as gobble-de-gook.......

                          I'll spare you (and myself) any detailed descriptions of the arthritic kung fu fights, shootouts and car chases that unfold.  Or the written-in-crayon dialogue, which is all post-dubbed, making the film resemble random loops from European porn.

                        But you do get to take in the sight of Renee performing exuberant fellatio on various stalks of celery...…….if nothing else, the girl does dote on her veggies.

                        Luckily for Rensee and the gang, the film was so bottom-of-the-barrel and under anyone's radar, that they avoided a massive copyright lawsuit from United Artists.......since their tinny attempt at a music score consisted of ripping off Ennio Morricone's "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly"...........

                        Do NOT make the terrible mistake of thinking this would be fun to watch after a guzzling several six packs......whether you watch drunk, stoned or stone cold sober, "Lady Street Fighter" remains forever an AFH....an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.  Take heed..........