DEPT. OF SILLY CINEMA STRIKES BACK!..........."SPF 18"

SPF 19 (2017)     Funny how things work out.........one day after we open the Pandora's Box of the Department Of Silly Cinema (films mad by people who have no business making films).....BD (Beloved Daughter) randomly picks this steaming pile of excrement for us to watch........

                   Not that either of us had an inkling of how awful this would be.......BD hoped for a cheerful, sun-drenched teen rom-com.......BQ merely hoped for something that wouldn't make his eyes roll upward so much that they'd stay stuck forever in that position.........

                   Main impression:   The "director" here (and I use that term jokingly) must have somehow held Goldie Hawn, Molly Ringwald, Pamela Anderson and Keanu Reeves deeply in his debt..........I can't think of any other reason for their sporadic participation in this non-entity of a movie.........

                   Hawn contributes an off-screen narration, sounding like she's reading a fairy tale for teens with severe arrested development..........unnecessarily describing what we already see.......rich, dumb adolescents with various non-problems hanging out at a beachside Malibu home that looks like a slightly smaller version of the Sydney Opera House........

                    The sheer ineptitude of the acting, writing and directing here staggers the imagination........in a complete stillborn state, amateur actors slowly spout dialogue at each other like they're just learned English.

                      This makes the movie appear  as a perfect duplicate of a church-funded, faith-based Christian effort........with the entire cast and crew recruited from people who'd normally bring the mayo and potato chips to the Sunday  church picnic.......

                     .........except for the fact that Jesus is nowhere in sight here.  The only thing this movie worships is surfing and designer wetsuits..........

                        There's also a desperate effort to heavily layer up the soundtrack with instantly recognizable 80's rock songs........to trick you into believing you're watching a real movie......

                      Uh-uh.......won't work.  Once again, another glorious AFH, an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.......Keanu, Molly, Pamela, Goldie.......I hope your debt is paid in full, for the love of surfboards.....