'OCEAN'S EIGHT'........A 70 MIL GIRLS' NIGHT OUT.........

Ocean's Eight (2018   We will NOT pile on this movie just cause it's another all-female reboot of a primarily male blockbuster franchise......

                  To us, it, whether it was populated with all men, or all women. or all muskrats.......it would still stink. 

                    The gender thing aside, it just plain sucks for what it's trying to do........no matter who the hell's in it. 

                     This thing cost something in the neighborhood of 70 million. The all-girl 'Ghostbusters' remake cost about 144 million. So we're talkin' in the ballpark of 214 million for the two of them......

                    Now think on this.......think how many lower budgeted female-driven, female produced, female directed films could have been made using that 214 millions. 

                   Probably enough to fill up the entire slate at Sundance for its next three years or so.......

                   Yes, we chuckled enough at the 2016 'Ghostbusters'.........and as far as we're concerned, all those fanboy-trolls who went gunning for it on the basis of gender can go screw themselves.....(oh never mind, that's probably their main source of sexual gratification....)

                   But even if 'Ghostbusters' and a few moments in 'Ocean't Eight'  gave us a few giggles here and there,  the staggering amount of money spent and the equally staggering lack of original thought and creativity that went into these reboots........depressing beyond words......

                    Especially with "Ocean's Eight", which completely fails in its mission to duplicate the spark of fun and camaraderie in Steve Soderberg's "Ocean's 11"   

                   A few laughs from a few cast members erupt now and then......the but whole sorry mess seems low energy and dead in the water from the very start.....

                   No wonder. The film fell into the hands of Gary Ross. This is the guy who almost killed the "Hunger Games" in its crib by directing it with what looked like a Kodak Brownie 8mm handheld camera. Mercifully, he was kicked off of the franchise after the first film in the series........

                     Ross gets nothing resembling real performances from his two lead actresses, Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett. They're just there. 

                     Thankfully, in the middle of all this torpor, some of the cast (Helena Bonham-Carter, Anne Hathaway) resort to hamming it up to keep the audience awake. Hathaway, especially, does a witty job impersonating her own poor public image.....as a self-absorbed, clueless fame-chaser.......

                   The heist? No better or worse than all those 'perfect crime' heists we've seen in the 'Ocean's' franchise and countless other films.....and that's part of the problem. For all it's exaggerated cleverness........we've seen it all before. Frequently.

                     Yawn. 

                     We can only hope this film kills the stupid idea of expensive bloated all-girl remakes of  all-guy movies..........we would have loved to see a film with all the cast members of "Ocean's Eight" together........but a real movie.

                      A real, original movie. A real original story. How many ways to we have to put it?

                      A real goddamn movie.....you brainless, money-grubbing Hollywood assholes.

                      1 star (*)......strictly for Bonham-Carter and Hathaway.