I WAND TO GO HOME..........BQ PLUNGES DOWN THE LOWER DEPPS OF "CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD"......

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)    Never mind Grinelghoul or whatever the hell his name is......let's focus on the movie's crimes..........   

                  Trusting souls that we are, we'd like to assume that J.K. Rowling has honorable intentions in revving up a prequel franchise to the Harry PotterVerse..........

                   As for Warner Brothers, we know their intentions..........keep squeezin' the udders on that Potter Cash Cow until the very last bucks ooze out........

                    But if they keep making them like this film........them there udders are gonna shudder down......

                   Can't figure how they build a franchise around Eddie Redmayne's weirdly recessive, one note portrayal of Newt Scamander,,,,,,  He plays some sort of creature-whisperer to  the movie's CGI menagerie......(smart beasties, though.......they have nothing to do the impossibly dense plot, preferring to pop up like circus acts when stuff gets boring......which is frequently)

                    Whoever came up with the idea of  Redmayne playing this character like a mumbling, borderline autistic introvert, didn't imagine how uninteresting it would be to watch this guy for over 2 hours........

                    No, on second thought, maybe they did.  Which would explain the presence of Johnny Depp as the magical frosty-haired fascist Grindelwald, pumping up the pure blood wizards into world domination........(no doubt Rowling conceived this character as stand in for Trump, whipping  his acolytes into a Make Abracadabra Great Again frenzy.....)

                     So Depp's main purpose here: to wake you up after Redmayne's scenes......

                     The plot?  Don't ask us. You'd  need the equivalent of an NCAA March Madness bracket chart  to figure out the players, who they are and what they're after.......

                         There's three or four women characters floating around through the movie........but .none of them manage to move Redmayne out of his permanen state of dazed torpor.....

                    And then we've got some young stud who somehow figures into Depp's master plan for.......nah, we give up.  This is as soul-sucking to write about as it was to watch........

                     Screw this movie.........it's senseless, endless, the usual CGI diarrhea....shat out by the usual 4,000 digital artists.......and watchable only by the usual 80 trillion Chinese moviegoers.......

                     Maybe they can figure out what goes on in this movie......1 star(*)......corporate product at its greedy worst, about as magical an experience as doing your tax returns........