RIP SHANE RIMMER..........BQ'S FAVE CONTROL ROOM TECHNICIAN......

              Sorry to say farewell to one of our favorite, most familiar journeyman character actors, Shane Rimmer…….

              If you're a lifelong fan of sci-fi/fantasy films and TV, then you'd instantly shout out "Oh, yes, THAT guy!"  He managed to pop up in a slew of legendary, iconic movies......

             A Canadian, he joined the select group of actors always called upon to play Americans in British films and TV shows......

              You might remember him best from his most high profile role, the no-nonsense U.S. nuclear submarine commander who helped Roger Moore save the world in "The Spy Who Loved Me"...…

                And you'd easily spot him as one of Slim Pickens' B-52 bomber crew in "Dr. Strangelove" (along side the young James Earl Jones)…..as well control room technicians in "You Only Live Twice", "Diamonds Are Forever", "Star Wars-A New Hope", and the Christopher Reeve Superman films.....he also lent his authoritative, yet somehow comforting voice to one of "Thunderbirds" puppet characters...

                  Shane Rimmer enjoyed an incredibly fruitful career for a humble actor always spoken of as one of the nicest guys in showbiz...….

                  A warm, welcome presence every time we saw him on screen, he'll be missed. RIP Shane Rimmer…….we wouldn't have wanted anyone else manning those early-warning radar screens when supervillains attacked...….

CHASEBOOK.COM.........BQ SAYS 'CLICK 'R TREAT' TO "SEARCHING"........

Searching (2018)     Not that ever occurred to me to ask for one........but at long last, here's a computer screen movie that's....holy clickbait......a real movie......

                Even better, a damned good one.

                I can't remember how many posts ago......but at some point I did an old fart's "get off my lawn!" rant about movies that depend on text messages to deliver their plot points.......

                ........for the simple reason THAT EVEN ON A BIG-ASS FLATSCREEN, MY EYES AREN'T UP TO READING YOUR GODDAMN LITTLE TEXT MESSAGES!

                 Ah, that felt good. Oh and kids, get off my lawn........

                 So it's a surprise to me as much as anybody that I love this sharp little thriller about a distraught dad (John Cho) delving into his missing teen daughter's social networks in a desperate attempt to find her......

                 Yes,as a confirmed low-techie,  it impressed the hell out of me when I watched Cho do all that lightning-fast computer crap that I normally have to beg Beloved Daughter to do for me........

                 And you could hear my LOL of recognition as I watched him break into his daughter's websites by asking for new passwords..........(only because I've had to do this to enter my my own sites cause I've lost or forgotten the passwords.....)

                 But I digress.......back to the movie, which functions like clockwork on multiple levels......

                 First, it works as a brilliantly wicked display of  the cyber-lives we lead on the internet........a warped fun-house of deception masquerading as truth........where an entire populace can become fantasists spinning out their own reality.......and give in to every dark impulse.

                 Secondly, apart from all the on-line razz-ma-tazz, it's a solid, good old-fashioned Hitchcockian thriller, dotted with suspenseful dread, false clues and a jaw-dropping twist to take your breath away.......

                  Quite a high-wire act going on here.......BQ says find this one quick and press 'Play' or click on it or do whatever you do on whatever device you view films on........pardon me, while I hit the 'star[ key 4 times (****) for "Searching"........

                    So proud........I didn't even have to call in Beloved Daughter to do that for me.......

A SPOONFUL OF SPLENDA......BQ TELLS DISNEY TO GO FLY A KITE WITH "MARY POPPINS RETURNS"

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)     My heart goes out to anyone faced with writing a review of one of Disney's elaborate reboot/reinvention/remakes of one of their beloved classic films......

            So to everybody faced with posting something about Tim Burton's "Dumbo"........my deepest sympathies.......

              Pardon me while I take a deep sigh.........

             When Disney's corporate masters finally finish their CGI strip-mining of Walt's old catalog, we wonder what their production slate'll come down to..........a live-action "Steamboat Willie"?  With Christian Bale losing 147 pounds to play Mickey Mouse?

              Sorry, but this isn't any different than reviewing a new car that you just drove off the lot......

             I could go on and on how bright and shiny it is, how it hums along, gives a smooth ride, and overall is one hellacious piece of meticulously crafted technology......

             But ya know what?  For all the rapturous descriptions.........it's still a machine. Assembled on a production line from mathematically precise blueprints........

             If any real human beings worked on it, all they did was tighten screws, connect wires, and spay on a fresh coat of paint.  Robotic arms probably welded the thing together.......

              The scientific calculations here are both impressive and kind of frightening.........for every moment and song in the original "Mary Poppins", there's an equivalent imitation........giving the audience the effect of watching an alternate universe version of the 1964 film.

               The filmmakers here exhaust themselves into oblivion making their duplicate 'Mary Poppins'........to use the universe of "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" as an example, after the pod people finished ooozing out exact copies of everyone, all the movies they made would look like "Mary Poppins Returns", creepy carbon copies of films by previously flesh and blood people.......

                Fittingly, Emily Blunt's Mary Poppins appears hatched from a pod.........she's got the costumes and delivery of Julie Andrews.......but the inherent warmth and goodness Andrews radiated is somehow missing........(you half expect the kids to scream out "My nanny is not my nanny!")

                Early on, in the film's interminable 130 minute running time, Blunt sings "Can you imagine that?"......this movie's artificially sweetened, pod version of "A Spoonful Of Sugar".......

                As she warbled on,  BQ couldn't help mentally totaling up the daunting amount of time, money, and laborious amount of craft (actors, dancers, musicians, production staff) that went into this film.......

                 For a dreamy moment as the credits rolled, we thought of the fresh, completely original film these talented people could have come together to make.......instead of sweating bullets to produce a machine-tooled, 1 & 1/2 star (* 1/2) thing like "Mary Poppins Returns"........

                 Can you imagine that?
           

BRAINS!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,CHOMPIN' AND SUCKIN' ON "FIEND WITHOUT A FACE"

Fiend Without A Face (1958)   What?  I've managed to do this blog for close to 3 years without ever getting to this one????

                  High time.  Long overdue.

                  First thought that always struck like lightning.........1958??  How in holy hell did this one go out into the world, with its amazingly insane climax, in 19 Friggin' 58?

                   It's more like a batshit crazy late 1960's film that some perverse joker stuck in a time machine and sent back a decade earlier......so he could cackle and giggle, imagining the looks on those 1958 faces.....

                    What an awesome premise to start out with........ invisible little brains leaping on to people's necks and sucking out their spinal fluids, cracking the spine itself while they chow down......

                     If this had been a typical super-cheap 1950's sci-fier, the brains would have probably stayed invisible......

                      But oh no. In the film's final minutes, the creepy, crawly bastards take form and shape, courtesy of quaint herky-jerky stop-motion animation.  Cute as they are, they launch a full scale assault on a room full of humans.......and a glorious people vs. brains free-for-all ensues......

                    In the heat of battle, B-movie stalwart Marshall Thompson blasts away at the fiends......who spurt out copious amounts of brain goo, accompanied by fabulous slurpy sound effects (like pumping out the last of a ketchup bottle)......they look like they're auditioning to play gunshot victims in future Sam Peckinpah movies.........

                    For lovers of beyond cheesy horror-sci-fi pulp, this movie comes close to orgasmic......

                   And before we forget, a special shout out to the unsung actor playing the official town asshole.......as the only living survivor of a brain attack, he gets just enough of his own brain sucked out to render him a drooling, moaning idiot.   The only thing this poor shmuck's missing now is a Make America Great Again baseball cap.......

                     So, so easy to rate this one.......an unquestionable 5 star (*****) FIND OF FINDS.  We only wish there stuffed-toy versions of the Fiends, so people could sleep with them around their necks.......

GOD TOLD THEM TO.........BQ PRAYS FOR "ELMER GANTRY"

Elmer Gantry (1960)    Watching this again, if you look past the usual over-amped Hollywood melodramatics of it........you can view a disturbing snapshot of the core of Donald Trump's notorious "base".......the people who've surrendered themselves to the cult-of-personality

                In the doughy, hypnotized faces of the rubes who gather 'round for Burt Lancaster's literally hell-raising revival-tent sermons, you can see them.......

                 They've sacrificed all intelligent reason and common sense as the failed-travelling-salesman turned fly-by-night evangelist Gantry holds them in his grip......

                   Pretty much the same way that failed real-estate con man turned make-believe President Trump regales his adoring red-capped throngs with "lock her up', "fake news"......and "I alone can fix it...."

                   In the film, as in real life, heartland evangelicals think they've been sent a savior direct from the Lord Himself.........and they're more than willing to look past his lies, immorality and the fundamental falseness of his piety........

                    For them, it doesn't matter........what matters is that Gantry and Trump put on one hell of a show......and in their spellbinding theatrics, they promise to calm all fears, solve all problems......if only the crowd will trust them.

                    Which the crowd does........

                    But there's a huge, disturbing difference between the fictional Gantry and the all too terrifyingly real Trump........(it's the same difference between Trump and Andy Griffith's multi-media rabble rouser Lonesome Rhodes in "A Face In The Crowd")

                    To make us all feel better......the movies provide stern falls-from-grace for Gantry and Rhodes.......Gantry's holy rollers turn on him and pelt him with tomatoes and eggs once the press reveals his dalliance with well-worn prostitute Lulu Bains (the astounding cast-against-type Shirley Jones, picking up an Oscar).....

                    Lonesome Rhodes career demise is even more spectacular.....inadvertently spilling out his utter contempt for his audience into a 'hot' mike.......broadcasting his true self to the very people who worship him.......

                    But nothing like those upending turns of fate ever affects Trump........since all of his vile personality and behavior occurs in plain sight........and with no repercussions or surprise from his followers.........he remains their anointed savior........no matter how many pussies he grabs, no matter how many dead war heroes he insults, no matter how many children he separates from their parents, no matter how many murderous dictators he falls in love with......

                   Maybe that's why I gravitate to classic films.........where the moral underpinnings of America still stay in place........where liars, cowards, con men and assorted false prophets get the comeuppance they richly deserve........

                   As opposed to the way we live today, where wrong is right, black is white, two plus two equals five...... and the deep, poisonous division between those of us who haven't given up rational, independent thought and the crowds still flocking into Elmer Gantry's tent.......and listening to  Lonesome Rhodes TV homilies.......

                   Since there's no more Hollywood endings in real life for real knaves (a la Richard Nixon)......we'll have to take comfort in 'Elmer Gantry's climax.....4 stars (****)......and keep prayin' for happier endings ahead........Amen, brother.

EDIFICE WRECKS..........BQ DE-CONSTRUCTS 'SKYSCRAPER'.......

Skyscraper (2018)    I feel like the amount of time I spend posting about this movie should equal the amount of thought that went into it........

                     Three minutes, maybe?  Four?  Five?

                     A fair chunk my adult life was spent as a buyer for video stores (you remember, them, right? )  After the success of "Die Hard" in 1988, I found my desk inundated with advance screener copies of God-Only-Knows who many 'Die Hard' imitations.........

                      You know the formula well........one lone wisecracking hero versus an army of commando thugs........and so we had endless variations of "Die Hard" on a --------- (fill in your own location here)..... as in 'Die Hard' on a plane, 'Die Hard' on a train, 'Die Hard' on a boat, 'Die Hard' on a mountain.....yada, yada, yada.........

                       And that's not even including the official 'Die Hard' sequels themselves..........

                       So about 30 years later, here comes "Skyscraper".......which is 'Die Hard' on a you-know-what.....accomplished almost entirely with CGI......,most likely made  inside a warehouse loft covered with green-screen wallpaper.....with the movie itself to be animated in later by the usual platoons of digital artists.......

                       Hardly a movie at all, it's a corporate sausage blueprint of the last 50 'Die Hard' ripoffs......a blatantly generic nothing of a film that feels like it might have been written and directed by one of those disembodied cyber-voices from one of our devices.......(as in, "Siri...make me a Die Hard movie"......)

                        And for such a schematic enterprise untouched by human hands, they found the perfect actor.........the all-purpose generic He-Man, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.......

                        I'll say this much for The Rock.......he convincingly sweats, strains and gasps as he hurls himself around that green-screen warehouse.........which the computer animators then color in to make it look like he's doing all this stuff inside a burning, super-duper futuristic skyscraper......why, they even digitize him a prosthetic leg, just to amp up the handicap factor as he faces off with the baddies.......

                       Oh yeh, the bad guys.......led, per the usual blueprint, by some Euro-psycho with a thick accent.....his minions enjoy machine-gunning scores of innocent people.......not because it has anything logical to do with the plot, but cause it looks cool to see them machine gunning scores of innocent people.........

                        25 years ago,when 'Die Hard' clones ruled,  this would have a gigantic huge hit. I probably would put have put in a purchase order for dozens and dozens of copies to fill up the store shelves......

                        But in 2018?  It looks like a Lego-assembled version of every Die Hard ripoff ever made.......shiny, plastic, soulless.........re-fitted and re-hashed for ADD-afflicted video game players living out their lives in their parents' basements......

                        As for The Rock......he just missed getting the ultimate accolade for a movie like this, the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Blimp.........sorry, big guy......there's always the MTV Movie Awards coming up, where you'll have to compete with 87 Marvel super-heroes.......

                        Now that I've officially spent way more time on this post than anybody involved in 'Skyscraper' worked on their movie, let's wrap it up.........Zero Stars (0)........watch 'Die Hard' instead.

                   

RIP LARRY COHEN........MASTER OF MUTANT BABIES, WINGED SERPENTS AND KILLER YOGURT

               Sad to say......we've lost one of our all-time favorite writer-directors.......Larry Cohen, the brilliant idea guy and wildly freewheeling independent creator of such cult classics as the "It's Alive" trilogy, "Q-The Winged Serpent", "The Stuff", "God Told Me To" and classic TV shows like "Branded" and "The Invaders"........

                 Cohen wrote 'high concept' scripts long, long before the studios ever adopted that phrase as a definition of they craved......a story idea so striking, so imaginative and so deceptively simple what you couldn't resist it.......

                Who else but Cohen could recruit the iconic, irascible legend Bernard Herrmann to write the score for Cohen's slapdash, primal "It's Alive".......about the birth of a monster baby who promptly kills everyone in the delivery room and chews off its own umbilical cord.......

                 And more great stuff followed........including, literally...."The Stuff" about a tasty ice-cream-yogurt-like dessert that eats YOU first.....and the immortal "Q-The Winged Serpent" about a giant flying bird-lizard that nests on top of the Chrysler building and swoops down to munch on sunbathers in penthouse pools.......

                 Cohen pumped out his wacky, pulpy little epics long before the studios began lavishing multi-million dollar budgets on sci-fi/horror films.........we can only dream of what his films might have looked like if he'd had the the kind of money thrown at junk like "Mortal Engines" and "Pacific Rim".....

                But Cohen went his own way.......with meager cash, sheer nerve and sharp screenwriting chops, he managed to craft the most memorable filmography you'll ever enjoy.

                A one-of-a-kind artist.........somewhere in the Larry Cohen universe, we can hear the plaintive wail of a monster baby......

LEAN CUISINE! WE STAUNCHLY DEFEND (SORT OF)....THE RIDICULED "RYAN'S DAUGHTER".............

Ryan's Daughter (1970)    Master of epic-filmmaking David Lean took enormous amounts of crap from the uppecrust movie critics like Roger Ebert........they mocked and derided this movie with no mercy.....

                Why?   The story here, a semi-revamping of "Madame Bovary" by writer Robert Bolt wasn't substantial enough for them..... too skimpy to sustain Lean's overwhelming visuals and grandiose, almost mythic style.......

                Wow, did their panties ever get in a twist about Lean applying his Grand Opera directorial talent......to A LOVE STORY!!!!

                 These are all the same critics who'd make their funny little punnies about films like "Vertigo".....("....oh my, it's the same Hitchcock and bull story..."  yuk, yuk, yuk....How clever)

                   We kinda wonder how Ebert and that bunch would review today's output from studios..........200 million dollar, 2 & 1/2 hour movies about spandexed superheroes throwing each other into buildings.........(.....too skimpy for 'em, maybe?)

                    Here's the deal.......anyone who's visited this blog knows we're absolute suckers for Grand Opera filmmaking......in other words, big scale, ridiculously overblown sets, costumes, acting, storytelling.........

                      Many directors attempt this style, but precious few have a real flair for it, who aren't afraid to throw caution to the wind and go friggin' crazy with their films........regardless of  how bloated and sheer nuts the end results might appear.......

                      Our favorite examples.....Sergio Leone, Michael Cimino......and in this regard, David Lean.

                   In revisiting "Ryan's Daughter", we practically got legally high groovin' on Lean's stunning visuals......and the superb cast (with one horrible, lethal exception)......Robert Mitchum, skillfully playing against type as a shy, humble schoolteacher, Sarah Miles. Trevor Howard, Leo McKern, Barry Foster (vivid as the dangerous IRA leader)......and even John Mills controversial, Oscar-winning work as the Quasimodo-like village idiot......

                    Call us wacky, call us foolish, but we loved the whole, heaving, overblown, larger-than-life package.........who else but Lean would wait around a year for a real, spectacular coastal storm.......so he could film a real, spectacular coastal storm.........where you can watch Leo McKern come close to actually drowning in the middle of it.......

                    And the killer irony of it all.......Lean finished filming "Ryan's Daughter" for MGM just as the studio fell into the clutches of the Smiling Cobra, James T.Aubrey, who'd turn the studio into a cheapjack discount store.....(see our previous post about Aubrey and "Nightmare Honeymoon")

                     Aubrey arrived too late to inflict his usual damage on the film, so it went out into the world as a fully uncut Lean epic.......(probably the last time any old-school film would escape MGM unshredded in the editing room....)

                     Sadly, though, we found two flaws in "Ryan's Daughter".......one merely an annoyance......but the other a poisonous spear in the very heart of the film.......

                      The annoyance.......Maurice Jarre's score. Yes, he could write indelible themes that would forever energize and identify the film    (as in Lean's "Lawrence Of Arabia" and "Doctor Zhivago").......but then the rest of his scoring would drone on like hurdy-gurdy music coming from an amusement park carousel.........(sounded to us like Jarre didn't even bother watching some of the sequences where his music randomly wanders around, unrelated and unconnected to the images....)

                      The poisonous spear.........Lean's ruinous casting of the useless, blank-faced James Dean wanna-be Christopher Jones as the film's romantic touchstone.   To give you an accurate level of this disaster.......imagine "Lawrence Of Arabia" with a department store mannequin playing Lawrence instead of Peter 'O Toole.

                      Realizing the grievous mistake of inflicting his film with such dead weight, Lean tried cutting almost all of Jones' dialogue and dubbing his voice with a real actor....... to no avail.   Even with an actor's voice emanating from his expressionless, comatose lips......Jones was never more than a non-entity waiting to disappear......which he eventually did.

                      Despite Jones, we found more than enough in this movie to still make it a full ten-course David Lean meal.......(the storm sequence alone remains one of the most visually amazing set-pieces in film history)........but the culture-vultures' attack on it left Lean disheartened, waiting another 14 years til directing again with "A Passage To India".......

                    To hell with the critics.......we dearly love us some Grand Opera movie-making......a lost art that depended on huge emotions and eye-bulging cinematography.....(the real kind, not the stuff animated by 5,000 CGI cartoonists).....for that, BQ says 3 stars (***)
                   

                     
             

                 
               

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SMILING COBRA-CRAP! WE UNEARTH "NIGHTMARE HONEYMOON"

Nightmare Honeymoon (1974)........barely qualifies as a movie. It's more of  ragged piece of debris left over from the 5 year ruinous reign of MGM by former CBS Lizard-In-Chief James T. Aubrey.......

                Not for nothin' was Aubrey dubbed 'The Smiling Cobra'......a reviled corporate buccaneer who spent a hateful lifetime running roughshod over TV and movie superstars, producers and directors.......

                 In the wake of his MGM turbulence, Aubrey's take-no-prisoners, slash-and burn leadership left behind a string of cheap, rotten, forgettable movies......all them ripped to shreds in the editing room by Aubrey..........(not to mention his vicious battles with directors Blake Edwards over "Wild Rovers" and Sam Peckinpah over "Pat Garrett and Billy The Kid"....)

                  If nothing else, "Nightmare Honeymoon" serves as prime example of MGM's toxic Aubrey era.........

                   We wouldn't even try to guess how this movie started out or its original intentions.........all that 's left of it is an ugly, jumbled mess that emerged from the Aubrey meat grinder......

                   It kicks off as some sort of half-assed Tennessee Williams community theater production..........a big ole Southern Fried Weddin' between a pampered Belle (Rebecca Dianna Smith) and her studly beau (Dack Rambo), a Vietnam vet.......

                    The bride's Big Daddy (Pat Hingle) and the wedding guests seem bound and determined to torment the newlyweds with a marriage-destroying hazing........this bunch relentlessly pursues the couple like the super-posse in "Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid"......

                     The plucky kids, however, escape into the Louisiana backwoods, where they promptly run afoul of two hit men (John Beck, Roy Jensen)  The eye-bulging, drooling Beck, who carries on like a Grade Z refugee from an Ed Wood movie, knocks out Rambo and rapes Smith.......

                    Seeking revenge on behalf on his now traumatized bride, the couple manages to hunt down the hoodlums in New Orleans, leading to a tedious protracted showdown that takes almost half the film's brief running time.........

                    Slow, nasty and stupid, the film chooses to showcase its very worst element.........John Beck's embarrassingly awful work as the deranged killer-rapist.......(we'd guess that maybe James Aubrey looked at this trainwreck performance in the editing room and saw a complimentary mirror image of himself.....)

                     Like most of the bedraggled, damaged movies that hobbled out of Aubrey's MGM production slate, "Nightmare Honeymoon" was seen by few and enjoyed by none..........

                    But let's not forget to mention James Aubrey's one singular achievement ....(his one and only reason for his tenure at MGM).....amid all the wrecked films and cancelled prestige big-budget projects.....he left the studio functioning at a small profit.......but its golden,glory days were long gone, dust in the wind.......and all of its memorabilia sold off by Aubrey for quick cash.....

                     As for "Nightmare Honeymoon".......Zero Stars (0)......BQ recommends no RSVP for these nuptials.......presumably, the deceased Aubrey is keeping busy in Hell, overseeing production of more movies just like it......

                     Maybe Trump can watch them all when he gets there........

               

               

                 

LETHAL FAKE NEWS..........."ACE IN THE HOLE" BARBECUES THE PRESS.........

Ace In The Hole (1951)    Legendary writer-director Billy Wilder took an ultra high-dive with this one.........one of the bleakest, angriest views of journalism and humanity ever filmed.......

             And you'd better believe that 1951 America wasn't ready for it.......it tanked immediately.....

              Paramount tried re-titling it "The Big Carnival" at the last minute. Didn't work........even though 'The Big Carnival' identifies the essence of the film far better than 'Ace In The Hole'......

              Kirk Douglas, at his jaw-clenchingly Kirk-iest, plays Chuck Tatum, a down-on-his-luck big city newspaper reporter who's burned every bridge behind him........(alcohol, adultery...you name it)

              At the very end of his rope, landing in Albuquerque. Tatum stumbles on to a Golden Goose human interest story.......in Leo Mimosa.a hapless desert dweller who got himself trapped while exploring an ancient Indian cliff-dwelling mountain........

              Chuck, who can crawl far enough into the crumbling caves to speak to this poor soul, orchestrates a grotesque, spectacular media circus around Leo's rescue.......complete with amusement park, circus tent and Chuck himself as the exclusive impresario and author of Leo's heart-wrenching story.....

              It's a role ready-made for Kirk Douglas's trademark boiling intensity, as Tatum plays everyone like a piano.....the public, the corrupt cops and even Leo's floozy, money hungry wife (Jan Sterling), who was about to walk out on her husband.

                (When Douglas attempts to arrange a good-optics church appearance for Sterling to pray for her husband, she complains...."kneeling bags my nylons".....)

                 Not surprisingly, Chuck Tatum's bottomless cynicism pushes him into moral twilight........spiraling into the inevitable darkest of conclusions and the film's unforgettable final image......one the best visual show-stoppers you'll ever see in American cinema........

                We won't spoil any of the details........just experience the film........movie-goers wouldn't see anything like it again until six years later with "Sweet Smell Of Success".......an equally dark excursion into journalism-noir peppered with knife-edge dialogue  (see our post on that one)

                It took decades for "Ace In The Hole"s rediscovery as a way-ahead-of-its-time classic......anyone who thrills to the power of movies to hold you in their grip cannot ignore this one.........been a long time since BQ handed out this rating and there's no film more deserving......
......a 5 star (*****) FIND OF FINDS.  Seek it out.

ID YOU ID OR ID YOU AIN'T MY BABY........WE ALMOST CAPSIZE IN TWEETSTORMY WEATHER!!

           Now you know why we're not on Twitter........

           We give you......Exhibit A:   The last several days..........

           Twitter, for those of you who forgot the lessons of "Forbidden Planet", was invented by the lost alien civilization The Krell........who came up with a way for everyone to release their inner demons, their every foul, evil thought.......

             They all killed each other in one night.........by the Id in each of them......

              Here on earth, same thing's happening........except it's taking longer, since we're not as advanced as the Krell and our internet's way slower........

              The word 'Tweetstorm'  always gets applied to Baby Orange, a lonely, unloved, quivering coward who sees the Long Arms Of The Law at last closing in on him after a lifetime of corruption and debauchery........

              He rages......not against the dying of the light, as you might expect a 73 year old to do.......but at Saturday Night Live....

               But, lo and behold, he's TRUMPED (so to speak) by, of all people.......the husband of his Chief Babbling Minion.........

                .....who brilliantly tweets......and we quote:      "You.  Are.  Nuts"

               Which succinctly sums up Baby O's entire weekend Tweet-0-Mania..........

                Ah, but wait! Better yet.......Baby Orange's official Congressional Minion, a simpering, whimpering little invertebrate named Devin Nunes, wants his hurt feeling and wounded ego massaged with 250 million dollars......

                  Why? He was mocked mercilessly by a cow. Yes, you heard that right........by a twitter account named 'Devin Nunes' Cow'..........it moooooved him tears......(sorry, we couldn't resist But then neither could anybody else, including Devin Nunes' Cow.....)

                  Which brings us back to who started it all........The Id.......

                  Since Idsy-Widsy's now running rampant on Earth........we've done the world a favor. In the interests of letting Id work off a little steam and control his anger management.......we opened the Id a Twitter account.......

                    We can only hope you'll choose to follow his tweets so as not to piss him off too much.....

                           The Id @ The Real Id  1 hr
                           Welcome to my tweets, bitches. I hate you all and want to tear you into
                           little pieces!  BTW, anyone see'Captain Marvel' yet?  Awesome sauce!
                            #BringMeBrieLarsonNow

                           The Id @ The Real Id   2 hr
                            Personally, I LOVE me some Saturday Night Live. That "It's a Wonderful
                            Trump' skit?  I spit blood lol-ing!  Not MY blood, of course - heh, heh, heh.

                            The Id  @  The Real Id  3 hr
                             Mark your calendars, all you Id-iots (how do you like your new name?  You
                             get it, right? Id....plus iots....Id-iots.  Anyhoo, your favorite Id (and mine) guests
                             on Hannity tonight!  Watch me make him look sane and reasonable by
                             comparison!  #MakeAmericaIdAgain!