The Fall Guy (2024) & Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes (2024)
One thing's for sure.....the summer movie blockbuster parade ain't what it used to be.
Sure, we're nostalgic for those good old days when dozens upon dozens of summer movies clogged up the multi-plexes like planes all trying to land on the same runway.....
COVID and everyone's reliance on streaming changed all that. These days, we're lucky if one major studio release pops up ever two weeks or so.
Budget-wise, the studios still overspend like drunken sailors on a one night leave.....and they're still opiod-level addicted to tentpoles and sequels that nobody wanted.....
One singular bright spot was the long overdue fall of the Marvel spandex factory......rolling out crappy new superhero films for an audience already exhausted from even the good ones
The continued bad news - the punishing, overlong running times, with loads of films featuring about 80 minutes of story stuck somewhere deep inside 160 minutes...(or more, God help us) A plague on these overindulged directors who think their dumbass action movies should run as long as "Lawrence Of Arabia".
Speaking of summer movies.......let's have a look at a few, eh?
The Fall Guy Surprise, surprise. We liked this. It's junk done right. Furious action, well staged, plenty of laughs and a sparkling duo in Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt. What's not to love?
Apparently, for whatever reasons, a lot of ticket buyers didn't. Gave it a pass.....maybe to wait for streaming. We get that, cause it does look like those cookie-cutter 300 million dollar Gal Gadot turdcakes that Netflix wastes their money on.
But again, we say......if you want a fun, fun, fun, turn-your-brain-off thrills 'n spills wingding, it's damn good for what it is. Really. 3 & 1/2 stars ***1/2)
Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes.....well, that's another story. People either dig 'Apes' movies or they don't.
True confession: we never did......except that first 1968 Charton Heston "Damn you all to hell!" initial outing. Cause nobody ever saw anything like it......and we all loved how it played like a 2 hour 'Twilight Zone' episode, courtesy of one of its co-screenwriters, Rod Serling. (It even features a brief shout-out to Jerry Goldsmith's famously jarring, atonal score for the Heston film)
The rest of 'em? Nah. Depressing, nasty, cruel, almost all of them with downbeat endings and the carved in stone message, The Future Sucks. That goes for the first five and the recent 2000's trilogy, where the motion capture CGI replaced the Halloween Adventure Shop costumes.
'Kingdom' does have a few things going for it. Epic heft. The whole 'hero's journey-Lord-Of-The-Rings razz-ma-tazz. And yes, visually, it's frickin' spectacular at times. Beautiful, lush fantasy landscapes rendered with all that enough cash and 1000 CGI artists can give you.
But at the end of the day (and the movie's prostate-punishing 2 and half hours) it's fundamentally the same dreary ride....depressing, nasty, cruel......and setting up sequels that promise an Ape war with sporadic bands of humans trying to get their ever itchy trigger fingers back on those big red 'Nuke 'Em!' buttons. Woo hoo. Include us out. 2 stars (**).
By no means is BQ done with the multiplex.....we're just getting started, since a bargain matinee is a cool way to spend a hot summer afternoon.
And the popcorn's damn good. Make no mistake, we'll stop in there next week for 'Furiosa' and report right back to you.
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