Paint (2023) File this one under "it-must've-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time".......that is, until this movie dropped into oblivion from the day it was released......
This began life as one of those insufferable twee screenplays that comprise the celebrated annual screenplay 'blacklist'......unproduced scripts prized for their startling originality.
On this list, you can usually find scripts that pluck out chunks of real life or real people for their fanciful fictitious treatment........oddball stuff like, for example, a romantic pairing between two dwarves while working on "The Wizard Of Oz", or the life of the guy who invented Drano.
"Paint" creates its own alternate universe version of PBS art instructor Bob Ross, the gentle, soft spoken soul who showed us all how to to craft sumptuous landscapes with some bold strokes and dabs of primary colors.
I won't bother wasting time describing how the film bears little or no similarity to the actual life of Bob Ross. You probably guessed that already.
Here's what really inspired the filmmakers who slapped this together while no doubt high-fiving each other.........the supposedly riotous idea of decking out Owen Wilson as a Halloween Shop Bob Ross as he softly purrs his lines with his trademark whiny monotone drawl........that voice so beloved to comedy impersonators (along with voices of Christopher Walken and Jack Nicholson)
Personally, watching 2 hours of Wilson the Volleyball from "Castaway" would be far more compelling than the equivalent amount of time watching Wilson the actor as a faux Bob Ross.
Sounding like Mr. Rogers after swallowing an entire bottle of Benadryl, Wilson literally murmured and whispered me into the best nap I've ever enjoyed..........right in the middle of movie.
Any need to go on with this? Worthless, unwatchable pretentious horse manure......fit only for the hardiest of film festival culture vultures. Zero stars (0)
Avoid this one like the plague....unless you're seeking a quick fix for a bout of insomnia. In that department, Owen owns it.......
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