Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023) Once again, BQ stands proud as the very last blogger to see a movie that's already generated 20 million reviews and blog posts.........
But I think my timing's perfect, even if everyone's memory of the film (fond or otherwise) evaporated amid the tidal wave of attention lavished on ...."Barbenheimer".......
Among the primary reasons the SAG and WGA strikes brought films and TV production to a standstill (other than the massive greed of studios, streamers and producers) was the frightening new technology of A.I.......and its toxic ability to duplicate its own screenplays.....or even actors' physical beings.
Not exactly breaking news to anyone who watched James Cameron's first two "Terminator" movies, which decades earlier predicted 'Skynet' an A.I. of the future gone rogue.......
So the writing's on the wall, folks.....if today's A.I. can churn out fake scripts and artificial actors with the precision of Body Snatcher seed pods, can killer cyborgs be far behind??
But rest easy, sleep sounder. Tom Cruise's 'Mission Impossible' operative Ethan Hunt, unstoppable as the Energizer Bunny, is on the case to save us all.
He's battling "the Entity", an all powerful, all knowing A.I. that seeks nothing less than dominating the world or maybe even destroying it altogether (depending on whatever it's in the mood for).It will rule us all by flooding the globe with a torrents of its own self generated misinformation.....much like Fox News and the Republican party.
But Ethan ain't drinkin' any of' that digital Kool Aid, so the Entity's framed him as a global fugitive......with every secret agent and cop in the world on the hunt for Hunt. This leads to what we all line up for in a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible caper.......a non stop parade of elaborate chases and hairbreadth escapes that reach unheard of hysterical heights of spectacle.
So screw you, Entity....you suck-ass HAL 9000 wanna-be......you don't scare us.....not when we've got Tom Terrific riding a motorcycle into mid-air so he can parachute off it......
But Tom.....I hope you won't mind.....but I've a few notes to give you.....especially since after 160 minutes of exhaustive action, you're only halfway through kicking the Entity's big fat cyber-ass...a climax you're making us wait for until 'Dead Reckoning Part Two'......
First....for a Mission Impossible supervillain, the Entity comes off as fuzzy and ill defined. It pops up for a few appearances as a pulsating design, like a screen-saver that escaped out of somebody's laptop. You call that thing a big bad? Seriously? Phillip Seymour Hoffman's pudgy fiend from "M.I.III' was way scarier......your omnipotent Entity looks like SAG's prez Fran Drescher could make it pee itself pixels using only her honking harsh language........
For Part Two, you can toughen up the Entity by giving it a genuine voice.....but no gentlemanly snark like HAL......I'm thinking more like that ulra-creepy metallic-robotic 'Colossus' from 'Colossus The Forbin Project' (look it up). And if, God willing, you get to lobotomize it like Keir Dullea did in '2001', make sure it dies while singing Taylor Swift's "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together".
And for Christ's sake, can't you come up with a more more formidable human minion for the Entity than 'Part One's Esai Morales?. What about Dave Bautista? What about Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham? How 'bout Sean Hannity and Marjorie Taylor Greene for bonus evil?. Then throw in Michael Cera to play the brains of the bunch...(I'm really not kidding about that last one.....).
Hope you understand, Tom, as a longtime M.I. fan I'm only trying to help......I won't even bill you for all this invaluable advice. As for 'Dead Reckoning Part One', 4 stars (****)......even if you're a batshit crazy cultist whom your ex-wives couldn't wait to escape from, BQ would never miss an M.I........see ya for Part Two......
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