Oh where to begin with this unhinged 90 minutes of dubbed-in-English madness?
Forget the North Pole......this Santa hangs out in the celestial heavens......aided and abetted by a United Nations of child helpers, each outfitted in their native garb. So we commence with Santa leading his armies of kids in his own demented of "It's a Small World After All" musical number...….(including many kids from Trump's 'shithole' countries.....)
Meanwhile, down in Hell.....(yes, we mean the Hell)…..Satan sends out a rubber-limbed, pathetic minion named Pitch to harass and torment Santa on his Christmas Eve trip around the world.
Pitch is dressed up in a Halloween Adventure shop devil costume, complete with stick-on plastic ears...….(he looks and sounds like a slightly more animated version of Trump's own Satanic minion Stephen Miller....)
More wackiness unfolds...….Santa's communication center consists of a satellite dish with a giant ear in the middle and a radio transmitter equipped with a pair of big fat Rocky Horror lips...…(keep in mind, we swear we're not making any of this up.....)
Down on earth, the movie goes even crazier...….a little girl's dream sequence has her surrounded by creepy adult-sized dolls with stitched on faces......for utter lunacy, it rivals anything you'd see from Federico Fellini or Ken Russell...….
And here comes Santa, laughing as if he's seen the whole movie in its final edit. He's well armed, by a doddering Merlin The Magician, no less, with magic sleeping powder to keep the kiddies firmly comatose...……(similar to the same stuff no doubt used by Bill Cosby in later years.....in 1959 theaters, the movie itself put kids to sleep faster than Santa's powder.
Our personal favorite scene...….Santa showing up (regrettably off screen) as a night club waiter, plying rich insensitive parents with smokin' martini potions to make them remember they left their son home alone on Christmas Eve...…
It might be way too lenient a rating, but for our own nostalgia level and its wondrous, sustained insanity, we're Ho-Ho-Ho-ing 3 stars (***) for this Santa...….who can fly over any border wall with his wind-up plastic reindeer...…(and no, we don't kid about that either.....)
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