HELIUM-HEADED IDIOTS IN SPACE! BQ BLASTS OFF FOR THE "WILD WILD PLANET"

The Wild Wild Planet (1966)      Sounds so apt, but no, the first part of this post's headline does not refer to the Trump advisers who came up with his "Space Force" plan to make the Galaxy great again........

                 'Helium Headed Idiot' is the insult commonly hurled by the characters in this grandly ridiculous Italian space opera.......

                  It's used, we guess, as a futuristic substitute for 'son-of-a-bitch', 'asshole' and 'douchebag'...... (closer to what the actors said upon their first reading of the script....).

                 If we start describing this movie, it's going to sound like a riotous, giggle-a-minute hoot.....

                And it is.......if you opt to watch it drunk out of your mind.......

                 Viewing it sober?  A whole other story.  With all your faculties in place, you'd have plenty of time to contemplate the community-theater acting, the storyline lunacies.......and the special effects that make Ed Wood Jr. look like James Cameron.......

                Our director here is none other than that tireless inevitable Shlock-inator, Antonio Margheriti (a.k.a. "Anthony Dawson", to trick mouthbreathers into thinking they're watching something filmed right outside Bayonne, New Jersey.....)

                 Sadly though, Antonio/Anthony hadn't figured out that you can't direct an outer-space action adventure with the same stately, measured pace of a Steeve Reeves Hercules movie.......

                Filled to the brim with craziness, the movie only chugs along like a freight train that's slowed down to 5 miles an hour to roll through a road crossing......

               But what craziness!  Space Cadets (and we mean that as both their job description and overall intelligence) must do battle with Mad, Mad, Mad scientist 'Mr. Nurmi'.....(notice he has no medical degree, even though he spends the entire movie harvesting body parts, shrinking thousands of people to doll-size...... for easy transport to his personal planet for even more gruesome experimentation.......at the very least, he's solved the problem of how to fit bodies into the overhead bins)

                 Nurmi, a prime Helium Head if ever there was one, deploys a formidable army of scantily clad, Swingin' 60's babes accompanied by bald, 4-armed mutants in wraparound shades and black leather ponchos.  Our Space-Studs, dumber than a box of meteors, have trouble identifying them at first........but never fear.....once they do, they engage the Babes in a see-it-to-believe-it judo bash........never have so many people flipped so many other people over their shoulders.......

                This all leads, naturally, to a big showdown on Planet Nurmi-ville, where the Nurm-inator unveils his penultimate project.........biologically blending himself together with the hot girlfriend of  the primo Space-Hunk.......thereby making Nurmi the first official Intergalactic transgender......

                 And as this lunacy ensues, you can also feast your eyes on the landscapes that look they came out of the box of "Barbie's First City Of The Future'......and the space shuttle that zips around on its string in complete circles.......

                 Need we go on?

                 For the first time, BQ awards 2 separate ratings.......1 star (*) if you foolishly choose to watch this stone cold sober.......but 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2) if you watch with loads of friends.....all of you fully lubricated with multiple six-packs, and/or generous portions of Vodka, Rum, Wine....etc, etc,etc.....when you start calling each other 'Helium Heads', you know you're having a good time.....