Trigger Warning (2024.....answers the long simmering question we've always longed to ask.....
......how bad does a movie have to be for Netflix to sit on it for two years before finally deciding to spew it out for all to see?
Answer.....this bad.
Fortunately for Netflix stockholders, this one's not one of their 300 million dollar pale imitations of a 1990's action-adventure blow-em-up, cobbled together from leftover algorithms borrowed from the Schwarzenegger-Stallone-Willis era.
On the contrary, it's a grungy, dirt-cheap looking imitation of leftover algorithms borrowed from the Schwarzenegger-Stallone-Willis era.
Jessica Alba assumes commando-black-ops-ass-kicking duties previously held by J-Lo and Gal Gadot. But not to worry, even when she's clobbering, kung-fuing. and Jason Bourne-ing a generic load of scummy combatants, she's still cute as a button.
The storyline, exhumed from one of those Shane Black-ish action-adventure scripts, relies on that old, old Western movie trope.....the hero returns to the homestead, only to find out the town's infected with villainous corruption.
So welcome to middle of effin' nowhere New Mexico, where our gal Jessie does battle with a foul family whose rotten partriach (Anthony Michael Hall) is running for the Senate as a Trumpian wanna-be. The fam's side hustle is swiping high tech arms from a nearby Army depot and selling it to terrorists.
What little entertainment value one can extract from this is the sight of Alba pounding into oblivion any number of look-alike lugs twice her size and weight. But after the 8th of 9th such sequence, the film becomes a long, slow snooze.
And don't waste your time or eyes hoping to feast on spectacular scenery or settings. Daddy Netflix most definitely decided to not lay out that kind of money.....a major chunk of it takes place in a cave.
Blatantly connect-the-dots and paint-by-numbers, a viewer could literally forget about this movie while they're still watching it.
We know we did. 1 star (*).
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