The Tearsmith (Netflix-2024) The pure in heart will no doubt believe the origins of this Italian YA romantic drama......that it was birthed as
a novel, "Fabricante di lacrime" by someone named 'Erin Doom'.....
Okaaaaay.......sure. Whatever.....
Those with hearts showing some cynical wear and tear might not swallow that line.....and could very well think the book and film were A.I. generated by sticking the 'Twilight' series and assorted Grimm fairy tales into a blender to see what comes out......
Let us introduce you to our star-crossed, angst-ridden eventual soulmates.....the sweetly doe-eyed Nica Dove (Caterina Ferioli) and her tortured Broody McMoody boytoy Rigel Wilde (Simone Baldasseroni).
Lifelong orphans, they're serving hard time together at 'Sunny Creek', a forbidding Dickensian hellhole they refer to as 'The Grave'. The physical and mental abuse is regularly dished out by the joint's horrific Headmistress From Hell Margaret (Sabrina Paravicini).....Evil Margie, who nurses an unhealthy obsession with Rigel, excludes him from the sadistic punishments she inflicts on Nica and the other suffering kids.
But wait! A glimmer of hope! This depressed duo receives a 'get-out-of-orphan-hell' card they're both taken in as fostered teens by a loving couple, the Milligans.
Not that their new familial life makes anyone any happier. Rigel broods like a champ and treats Nica with aloof contempt.......except whenever they come within groping distance of each other, which sends their hormone level off the charts......(and presumably does the same for teen girls watching the movie.....)
Do we really need to go into any more of this? Connect-the-dots misery and melodrama follow, all of it crudely dubbed into English. Easy to mock but as you're reading this review right now, somewhere in the world, slumber party girls are gathered 'round a TV, swooning with delight at every feverish, suggestive moment.
Far be it from BQ to deny lovesick adolescents their heaping portion of heartthrobs and hotties in overheated agony.....
If you're nowhere near the designated demographic for this film, swerve sharply to avoid it. If you are, though....2 stars (**). C'mon, Ms.Doom, or Mr. A.I. Roboto (or maybe you're one and the same).....is this the best you can do?
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