Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Gauntlet (2018) Since we've been rabid fans of the show since it started 30 years ago, this is the only series we would ever binge-watch in one single day......
Which we did.........(and given the overall quality of the films involved here, we'd like to put in our name for at least the Nobel prize......)
But thank the movie Godz for the new MSTK3 crew led by Patton Oswalt, Felicia Day, Jonah Heston, Baron Vaughn, Hampton Yount and Rebecca Hansen........who work tirelessly to heap well-deserved ridicule on some of the most misbegotten movies ever made.......
In no particular order, the gang eviscerates.......
Mac And Me (1988) Odious beyond belief in its conception, it's brazen, naked corporate greed on full display........an evil attempt by MacDonald's and Coca-Cola to slap together a feature length advertisement for both companies.......masquerading as a crude, blatant imitation of "E.T." Never has a film more richly deserved the insults hurled at it.......
Atlantic Rim (2013) Another 'Mock-buster' that rolled off the Asylum Company assembly line.......the folks that make cheap, ghastly knock-offs of whatever sci-fi/fantasy film was hot at the time........(guess which one this was carbon-copied from.....) Loads of unintentional laughs.......our collection of repulsive heroes stand around wisecracking amid the collateral damage piles of dead bodies caused by their robot-vs-monster battles.....yuk.
The Day Time Ended (1979) We couldn't possibly get mad at this one......a slapdash, raggedly little whats-it from the cheapjack fantasy factory of producer Charles Band.........hapless family finds their Southwest desert home trapped in an inter-dimensional time warp.......cue the non-stop random array of special effects - UFO's, stop-motion monsters, frickin' laser beams and pretty matte paintings. The everything-but-the-kitchen-sink screenplay inspires the MSTK3 crew to perform 'Concepts', a 'Music Man' type riff on this movie's utter disregard for rational script structure as taught by authors Syd Field and Robert McKee.......
Killer Fish (1979) An oddball spaghetti mash-up of the 'thieves-fall-out' genre combined with 'Jaws'.......courtesy of, who else, the ever prolific Antonio Margheriti (a.k.a. 'Anthony Dawson'). Jewel heist gang (Lee Majors, Karen Black, James Franciscus) find themselves stuck in the middle of Piranha infested waters along with a vapid model (the quintessentially vapid Margaux Hemingway) and her fashion-shoot crew. Only minor fun to be had at the expense of this one.......Dawson/Margheriti's various rip-offs and imitations of other movies never really reach the great heights of lunacy attained by others......he was simply too much of a jounreyman to take those kinds of risks.....
Lords Of The Deep (1989)......dredged up from shlockmeister Roger Corman's 'Concorde' company period.......where he kept busy grinding out knockoffs of blockbusters and incredibly......even cheaper imitations of his own already, legendary 50's and 60's ultra low-budget junk. This one's a rock-bottom blend of James Cameron's "The Abyss" and the underwater-monster mini-genre that flourished briefly with films like 'Leviathan' and 'Deep Star Six'. (Corman himself turns up as a corporate lizard addressing the cast from a TV monitor....) Harmless and pathetic in its execution, with terrible acting and a monster that looks borrowed from the prize selection at a State Fair carnival booth......
Ator, The Fighting Eagle (1983) No wonder they saved this one for the series finale......unlike the others, "Ator" remains cuddly and lovable in its absolute awfulness......one of the hundreds and hundreds of zero-budget Italian-made imitations of 'Conan The Barbarian', all featuring bland hunks swinging swords the size and length of Tomahawk missiles. (The MSTK3 crew even shows rare restraint in stopping themselves from using their classic Miles O' Keeffe line......"How much Keeffe is in this movie?".....) Miles, most famous for playing Tarzan to Bo Derek's Jane, cuts a swath through piles of assorted barbarians (and a jumbo spider) on his way to rescuing his scantily fur-clad sweetie.......who used to be his sister until he found out he was adopted. In our video-biz glory days, we loved these movies for their innocent cheesiness.......laughing along, we never felt guilty wasting our time on them......(unlike foul, corrupt bile like 'Mac and Me'...)
Individually, on their dubious merits, we'd give each of theses movies no more than 1 star each........but given the full MSTK3 treatment, with the films' committed idiocy accompanied by the thorough verbal roasting they've always asked for, they ascend to.....dare we say it?......their very own new art form. And worthy of 4 stars each (****)
Whether you binge 'em as a six-pack or enjoy 'em one at a time, BQ says don't miss any of them.
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