In its full uncut version......we've never seen a movie that so fervently begs for ridicule from the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" gang......
This is Independent filmmaking at its most ghastly.......deliriously pretentious, humiliating beyond belief for the unlucky actors trapped in it........unwatchable and repulsive on every possible level, both in content and visual style.
The kind of movie that makes you wish for the return of the 2 precious hours of your life that you wasted on it.......
We enter the sheer hell of this movie in future apocalyptic Texas, where 'bad batches' of undesirables have their scalps tattooed before they're kicked out of the state into the bleak, dystopian desert wilderness........(Trump and Sheriff Joe might have an orgasm watching this part....).
The latest refugee, blonde hottie Arlen (Suki Waterhouse) wanders around until captured by a group of fellow outcasts who've turned to cannibalism for food. Tough luck for Arlen, cause mealtime for the clan costs her an arm and a leg......literally.
Uncomfortable with providing all-you-can-eat barbecue for this bunch, our plucky gal escapes across the desert, dragging her cute, mutilated little self on a skateboard.....(and no, we're not making any of this up.....)
She winds up in a kinder, gentler bad batch enclave appropriately named 'Comfort'....(conveniently dropped off out a shopping cart by a grizzled, mute Hermit played by an unrecognizable Jim Carrey).....'Comfort', colorfully decorated with a giant-sized Boom Box, is presided over by a post-apocalyptic Hugh Hefner who has dubbed himself 'The Dream'.......(fair warning to you all: this lunacy isn't anywhere near as much fun to watch as it is too write about....)
'The Dream' (played by The Keanu Reeves) busies himself impregnating a whole bunch of 'The Dream' mansion house bunnies and proudly boasts of his singular achievement.......indoor plumbing to pump everyone's shit safely out of Dreamville........(hugely ironic, considering Reeves delivers this earnest dialogue in a colossal shitstorm of a movie).
Somewhere in the abyss of the storyline, Arlen's back in the desert, where she bonds with cannibal hunk Miami Man (Jason Momoa). We know the prettiest girls gravitate toward the bad boys, but falling for a guy who previously snacked on her hacked off limbs? No wonder all the nice guys feel lonely and frustrated......
We realize in describing this that it all sounds a demented spoof. If only. They're dead serious here......and visually, the film moves like a series of still photographs, each one held in front of you ten minutes too long. You can feel yourself growing older as this atrocity grinds on......
Enough. We can say no more. Don't merely avoid it......run screaming from this movie....we give this Zero Stars...(0)......or more to the point, Minus Infinity.......
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