And so we duly endured 2 and 1/2 hours (interrupted every 7 minutes by 587 commercials) of this anxiously awaited (by its target demographic, not us) musical sequel to the Disney Channel's "Descendants".......an overly busy concoction about the young sons and daughters of classic Disney animated villains.
Without the emotional guilt of Beloved Daughter's entreaties, we'd normally only watch this movie strapped down like Malcolm McDowell in "Clockwork Orange", with our eyes pinned open by metal clamps. But as we gaped at the supposed offspring of Malificent, Jafar, Cruella DeVille and Ursula sing and dance, we couldn't help comparing them to another set of children, also sired by a creepy, cartoonish villain......Don Jr., Eric and Ivanka Trump.....
The movie? We make no attempt to analyze or review it.......it would be like reviewing a box of Cocoa Puffs cereal, or any other mass produced, overly sweetened, slickly packaged product. Consider it just another example of the Disney corporate machine strip mining their existing product instead of working to create new original projects. Walt Disney, as has been thoroughly chronicled, was as much of a ruthless, cruel cutthroat as his fellow Big Studio peers.......but however heartless his soul, the man was a creative visionary, willing to take daring risks on his big dreams
The only visions and dreams of the reptiles who currently run Disney are of floods of money pouring in from their re-booted versions of Uncle Walt's old movies.....
But enough of them.......we'll wait until they get around to a politically correct remake of "Song Of The South" with Whoopi Goldberg and a CGI Bre'r Rabbit beating the crap out of Jeff Sessions.....
Getting back to those 'Descendants' kids........three of them, unlike the Trump children, have renounced the evil ways of their nefarious parents. But not Mal, the conflicted daughter of 'Sleeping Beauty's Malificent, She's the Ivanka of this group..........attempting to embrace sanity and decency while fighting off the urge to transform, like her vile parent, into a fire breathing dragon. But unlike Ivanka, Mal worries about her ability to assume the role of Kingdom Princess........Ivanka, on the other hand , has no such qualms about functioning as an un-elected Royal Advisor, that much favored position in third world banana republics.
The movie even throws in its equivalent to Don Jr.....in a big dumb guy who's the son of Gaston, the narcissistic bully of "Beauty And The Beast". Just like their dads, Gaston Jr. (or whatever the hell his name is) and Don Jr. are clueless and stupid beyond description. Teen Gaston doesn't get to commit any serious offences here.....as opposed to his real life counterpart, so moronic that he can't comprehend that he betrayed his own country.
In the Disney film, as you might expect, all ends well.....the kids are allright, finishing up with an energetic song and dance......and the promise of yet another sequel....
As for real children of all too real Baby Orange, the only singing they might get to do is in front of congressional committees and special prosecutors....... and the only sequel they might star in: a remake of "All The President's Men".....or possibly "Village Of The Damned"
For "Descendants 2", 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)...(we didn't mind the snappy songs and the one witty idea that 'Little Mermaid's Ursula runs a Fish 'N Chips joint...)......for those other kids, the Trumplings and their bright orange, barely animated father.......forever and always, 0 stars.
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