Ilya Muromets (a.k.a. The Sword And The Dragon) (1956)
Baby Boomers would only recognize this epic Russian fable from its cut down, American-ized version, released as "The Sword And The Dragon". Recut and amateurishly dubbed, American exploitation distributors scored a few quick bucks off it from kiddie matinees.....
Subsequent generations might have only encountered the film when they watched the 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' gang lampoon it without mercy.
But in our tireless task of curating such oddball, lost films, BQ will now look at the uncut, newly restored version, in the original Russian with subtitles....
The film recounts the saga of the Ilya Muromets, a legendary Russian folk hero. Ilya, a barrel-chested, warrior built like an NFL linebacker, is sort of a mash-up of Paul Bunyon, King Arthur and The Incredible Hulk......
... his enemies won't like him when he's angry. He looks like Santa if Santa was ready to kick ass and chew gum.....but all out of gum.....
And nothing pisses off Ilya more than the hordes of invading Tugars pillaging their way through his beloved 'Rus'. (They're depicted here as leering, sneering Asians, in the same way the Japanese were shown in Hollywood movies during World War 2.......)
You know right away about the depth of Tugar depravity.....their chief rules from a circular podium held up by bent over slaves. He only vacates it to let a seductive dancing girl use it for a performance.....(no doubt a break for the podium slaves, since she probably weighed less than the Tugar.....)
And whenever Tugar The Terrible demands a better view of the proceeding, he orders up a mountain to stand atop.....made up of live human bodies.....badass to the max.....
These evil bastards not only abduct Ilya's beloved wife and toddler son, they seize the boy to raise him as one of their own, eventually sending him off to fight his own real father in a clash of the old and young titans.
On his way to greater glory, Ilya encounters and captures, a 'wind demon', a creepy troll who puffs his cheeks up like balloons in order to expel his own homemade hurricanes.....(much like Trump at one of his rallies.....sound and fury signifying nothing....)
The tugars deploy a three-headed fire snorting dragon, who lays down 'Apocalypse Now' levels of napalm. Ilya keeps his head during all the chaotic battles, which is more than we can say for the mechanical dragon........
Dragon heads roll, and the entire Russian army is put on display, marching across the widescreen landscapes by the thousands. It's a staggering sight to behold and nothing like you'd ever see in even the most expensive Hollywood epics......
(But then again, Cecil B. DeMille had to actually pay his extras for the crowd scenes......but in the Communist Soviet Union, the government lent out their entire armed forces to movies.....that is, whenever the guys weren't busy invading and subduing their European satellite neighbors......)
Overall, the film's quite a proudly nationalistic spectacle to watch, with a pounding symphonic score and sight of mighty Ilya (Boris Andreyev) brushing off assailants like flies before the expected heartfelt re-uniting with his wife and son.
The only thing surprising us here was the remarkably choppy editing...... with the massive sweep of the story undercut by the film's reliance on short scenes, divided up by constant fade-ins and fade-outs......(possibly due to a lot of footage lost over the years, before the film could be fully restored)
So for all BQ cinema addicts who love going off the beaten track for unusual films........look no further.....3 stars (***).
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