The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes (2023) An truly dubious accomplishment.....this movie manages to totally encompass everything BQ abhors, despises, loathes in a movie........
It achieves multiple levels of revulsion that we never dreamed possible......
How do we hate this movie......let us count the ways.....
Let's start with Hollywood's most toxic practices that's led to the ruination of modern mainstream cinema.....seizing popular IPs (Intellectual Properties) and ruthlessly squeezing them as cash cows until every last dollar has dribbled out of them......
And just when everyone thought studios had milked a cash cow IP dry, the squeezing goes on and on, resulting in unnecessary sequels that nobody needed, nobody wanted, nobody asked for......and whose very creations are so fundamentally wrong headed and downright dumb....that you can only gape at them in wonder, muttering, "what they hell were they thinking?"
George Lucas himself kicked off this series of blunders with his atrocious 'Star Wars' prequels....which took three films over nine years to lay out how Annakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, a subject nobody really gave a rat's ass about.
But once studios see bucks flowing in from an IP, they can't stop squeezing the cow......which is why you see the last Harry Potter book divided into two separate movies........(a tactic slavishly imitated by the producers of the "Twilight" and "Hunger Games" series, even though the last books in each of those series didn't have enough material to warrant two movies...)
As another evidence exhibit, we give you Sony's addictive attatchment to Spiderman,, resulting in the ridiculous Andrew Garfield alternate universe 'Amazing Spiderman' trilogy and their current, dead-on-arrival catastrophe, 'Madame Web'......
And now we come to this revolting Hunger Games prequel which answers the burning question that nobody but Lionsgate studio suits had the slightest interest in.....how did villainous Coriolanus Snow (played originally by Donald Sutherland) become such a dick?
Again, BQ shouts out the answer to this question with every ounce of our heart and soul.....
Who gives a flying ****?
Stretched out to a mind-numbing 160 minutes, this atrocity's divided into three acts......first act presents young Snow (Tom Blyth) as a brooding sensitive soul, possibly capable of heartfelt emotion. He's tasked with coaching Lucy Gray Baird (Rachel Ziegler) one of the teen"tributes" selected to kill each other, 'Battle Royale' style. It's all for the latest live televised arena carnage to entertain the populace of Panem, the fascist empire American's evolved into. (the Panem-anians are like the GOP, offering thoughts and prayers as they watch children slaughtered.)
The second act presents the slaughter itself, where Lucy not only displays an innate ability to outlast and outlive her fellow Panem-Fodder, she's apt to burst into song at any moment......as if this entire mess of a movie was designed solely to show off Rachel Zieglar's pipes....like an endless episode of 'American Idol' half-assed Karaoke produced in the depths of hell......
The third act, finally delivers the inevitable transformation of young Snow into the double dealing heartless prick who'll eventualy give Jennifer Lawrence such a hard time in the future. Wow....what a surprise.
Here's the one and only thing that amused us enough to keep us awake.....the use of the most hilarious character names since James Bond's girlfriends and the Hillybilly babes of Al Capp's 'Li'l Abner'......Clemensia Doveoate, Volumnia Gaul, Vipsania Sickle, Festus Creed, etc, etc. We only wish they'd thrown in Pussy Galore, Penelope Smallbone, Molly Warmflash, Moonbeam McSwine and Appasionata Von Climax......
Enough of this madness. There's nothing wrong with this movie that a flamethrower aimed at all available copies coulnn'r cure. An absolute AFH, an ABOMINATION FROM HELL.....may the memory of it stay blank for a thousand years.........or more.
No comments:
Post a Comment