May December (Netflix 2023) .....falls into that odious category BQ abhors with every fiber of my being.....
The mind-numbing, tedious-to-the-max, near unwatchable Oscar Bait movie........that sits up and begs for its awards statuettes like a hungry puppy begging for adoration....and treats.
Screw these movies.......or in the immortal words of Charlton Heston at the finale of "Planet Of The Apes".....damn them all to hell.
Here's the only entertaining thing related to this snoozer......that the always misbegotten Golden Globes placed it their category of "Best Comedy Or Musical".
In the immortal words of millions of tweeters and Tik-Tokkers.....WHAT THE ****?????
Although I'm nursing a sly suspicion that the GG goobers may have cultivated a sly sense of humor in nominating this sludge as a comedy......
And even amidst the depression, dysfunction and family misery this movie's steeped i I'm thinking director Todd Haynes was privately snickering to himself over it, particularly in its intentionally annoying music score.
Haynes lifted a Michel Legrand score from the 1971 film 'The Go-Between', which consisted of non stop, semi-mournful piano pounding. 'May December' then proceeds to club you over the head with this music for almost its entire 2 hour running time.....that is, if you haven't already slipped into a coma after the first 20 minutes.
The punishing use of the Legrand theme is most likely why the Golden Globe trotters think the film's funny......with the overheated piano accentuating the pulpy, perverse, ripped-from-the Tabloids storyline.
It's a re-hash of the infamous life Mary Kay Letourneu, a teacher who seduced and molested a 12 year old boy, later having his baby while in prison. And in true stranger-than-fiction style, Letourneau and the boy late married, having more children.
The film re-names them Gracie and Joe, played by Julienne Moore and Charles Melton (of "Riverdale"). Now settled into an apparent wealthy lifestyle, the couple has one kid in college and 3 about to graduate high school.....and all of 'em can't wait to escape their strange parents......their conflicted, tormented young dad and their all-controlling mom, who deep down recognizes the damage her warped impulses wreaked on everyone around her.
Into this hotbed of psychological trauma comes Elizabeth (Natalie Portman) an actress who's going to play Gracie in an upcoming movie. Under the thin veneer of the actress's, empathetic, polite probing, the family's dark secrets and silent agonies are slowly exposed......
And by slowly, I'm talking slow enough to send you into a deep sleep before the film staggers up to its halfway point.
Certainly no one can fault the acting. Moore and Portman excel in their prickly back-and-forths......and Melton's a true revelation in his role. His work here earns the one and only award this movie actually deserves.
So if I understand the Golden Globe-ians, this bloated boring descent into a woeful family with pedophilia as its origin is a rib-tickling laugh-getter..........cause that soapy piano score tells us so......
Yuk. Double yuk. Other than Melton, I hope everyone else involved in this tries holding their breath until they're called up for Oscars. 1 star (*).
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