Once again, we've moved heaven and earth to bring our visitors the hottest news scoops on the planet......this transcript of a text chat between BFFs Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin came to us courtesy of "Hacky-Sak", the 600 pound master hacker living in his parents' basement at an undisclosed location.....
In the interests of a free and fair press, we present it in unedited form.....
DT: Vlad! Vlad, you loveable little KGB weasel , how the hell are ya?
VP: Useful idiot! Long time no talk! How they hanging down at the summer palace? Still putting the orange salami to Melenoma or did she lock you out again?
DT: Never mind the wife......I knew once I took her out of the box, I couldn't re-sell her on E-Bay. I just called to congratulate you on the invasion! What a genius move!
VP: You like, huh?
DT: Vladdy, you da man! Can't get enough of that footage of your army blowin' the shit out of apartments full of Ukranians! What style....what savvy! I wanted to do the same thing in California and New York, but those Pentagon pussies wouldn't go for it.
VP: Hey, by the way, say hello to Tucker Carlson and all your GOP minions. Really appreciate their support. You're my kind of traitors!
DT: No probemo! I love how you shut down all the radio and TV in Russia that went against you! You've no idea how many times I wanted to do that to the New York Times, Washington Post, CNN, MSBNC and Saturday Night Live!
VP: I was gonna make half of them disappear and hit the rest with poison darts.....but I've got a war on, you know? So busy. Don't worry, my chubby wubby moron, you'll get a chance to do all that if you get back in 2024.
DT: Vladdy, you rat-faced demon, you know you're makin' it hard for me, right? All this week....the whole world knows what prick you are and what a frickin traitor I am to the U.S. Everybody's startin' to love democracy again. That's gonna make re-election tough, even with all those new laws the Red state numbnuts passed to stop people voting!
VP: So sorry, my idiot, but I couldn't help myself. I needed a big win and those stupid little Olympic ice skaters keep falling on their ass no matter how many drugs we pump into them......
DT: Don't worry, Vladski, you're still my hero always. Hugs and kisses, baby!
VP: Smoochies right back at you! Talk soon, I promise!
No comments:
Post a Comment