'EXODUS'.....OTTO BIRTHS ISREAL IN 3 HOURS AND 28 MINUTES.....

 Exodus (1960)    It dawned on us that in close to 6 years of blog reviews, we've covered a major chunk of director Otto Preminger's filmography......

                 He rarely receives the attention that other consequential, pivotal directors of the 50's and 60's enjoy.....we suppose that's because his films became more renowned for their controversial subject matter and taboo breaking rather than any filmmaking artistry on display in them.  Preminger, a stage-trained director, possessed no real cinematic style or flair......he simply assembled top-notch all star casts and pointed the camera at them.

                 Like Hitchcock, he was a tireless self-promoter, and similar to Hitchcock's tongue-in-cheek "actors are cattle" persona, Preminger cultivated his reputation as a raging tyrant given to bullying his actors to extract the performances he demanded of them.  (From many actors' recollections,hey confirmed that this rep was more than earned.....)

                  And in our moviegoing lifetime, it happens that Preminger's films were among the first we encountered when we made our transition from attending kiddie-matinee fare to watching actual 'grown up; movies.......(you know, the ones our neighborhood theater ran at night instead of Saturday afternoons......no wonder we've ended up reviewing so much of Preminger's 60's outpput.....)

                   "Exodus" kicked off a new era  and genre of Preminger films.....lengthy, elephantine, star-studded drama epics, all of them based on doorstop best selling novels telling expansive epic stories on their subject matter. (Subsequent films included 1962's "Advise And Consent"  (Washington politics - see our 3/14/17 post), 1963's "The Cardinal"  (A Catholic priest rising through the ranks), 1965's "In Harm's Way" (World War 2 Navy life - see our 5/29/18 post)........and finishing up with the grotesque, off-the-rails Deep South potboiler, 1967's "Hurry Sundown"  (see our post of 6/20/17)

                    Over the years, we've come to remember these films fondly, not only as part of our young movie-going lifetime, but to savor them as examples of ambitious, character-based storytelling......the kind of material now relegated to streaming mini-series.

                   Preminger immediately courted controversy with "Exodus" by hiring blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo to adapt the Leon Uris novel about the the creation of the state of Israel in 1948.....but then so did Kirk Douglas who also enlisted Trumbo to script "Spartacus". With Trumbo's name clearly listed on the credits of both these major 1960 epics, Preminger and Douglas effectively broke the back of the blacklist forever.

                  Scored with a sweeping, memorable theme by composer Ernest Gold, "Exodus" plunges  into the turmoil of British occupied Palestine, Thousands of World War 2 Jewish refugees, many of them Holocaust survivors, seek escape to the Holy Land  in the hopes of forming their own independent state.  With thousands of these immigrants detained by British forces in Cyprus, a fearless Jewish rebel (Paul Newman) conspires to liberate over 600 of them via a barely operable freighter to sail them to Palestine......and bring the attention of the world to the refugees plight as the United Nations plans to vote on the establishment of Israel. 

                  Upon arrival in Palestine, the film then serves up a vast panorama of characters and incidents...... there's  ideological clashes among the competing groups of Jewish rebels, the dangers of sharing a  homeland with a hostile Arab population, the very beginnings of a determined, courageous  new population of people attempting the near impossible task of forging a  new nation. 

                   From this point on, it would take us longer than this film's running time to detail the many parallel plotlines Preminger and Trumbo introduce in a cast fronted by Newman and Eva Marie Saint, playing an American nurse who gets caught up the struggle and in a romance with Newman.  The film offers up generous portions of melodrama, action, terroristic violence, suspense, pathos and heartbreak. 

                  Call us corny, call us old-fashioned, but every so often, but we still treasure movies like this......movies you get lost in for an entire evening (or afternoon, if you prefer).   And with today's films strictly divided up into noisy CGI circuses and film festival sleeping pills, something as earnest and entertaining as "Exodus" blows in like a breath of fresh air. 4 stars (****). A smooth flight on Otto-Pilot. 

                 

'BENEDETTA'....ARTHOUSE OR GRINDOUSE? NUN OF THE ABOVE.....

 Benedetta (2021)    Whatever you think of this movie, which veers from artistic seriousness to 1970's 42nd St. 'Nunsploitation', this much can't be denied......

             Paul Verhoeven is back, baby!

             And the director provocateur of 'Robocop', 'Total Recall', 'Basic Instinct' and 'Starship Troopers' once again pushes the sex 'n violence envelope.......even when making a film set entirely in a 17th century Italian nunnery.

             Not that the setting stops him from serving up a banquet of forbidden lesbian sex, brutal physical abuse, blood-soaked religious symbolism, near psychotic Catholic repression, supernatural possession, whippings, stake-burnings, limb-loppings, naked nuns wielding dildos,  Jesus Christ.......and the plague!  (Complete with  pus-filled, infectious body lesions....)

                 And all of this delirious Medieval madness taken from a true story?  What's not to love?  

                While the skill and style poured into this handsomely photographed French language spectacle implies it aspires to higher purposes,  we can't blame anyone who watches it with a tub of buttered popcorn in their hand, taking it in as a guilt-free grindhouse wallow.

               This film had us a hello as soon as we laid eyes on the lead actress in the title role, Virginie Efira......whom we fell head over heels for in the odd little French romcom "Up For Love" (see our post of  8/2/21...)

                 The statuesque, stunning Efira plays Benedetta, who as an overly pious child, is sold by her father  to a convent's Abbess (Charlotte Rampling) for a lifetime as a 'Bride of Christ' nun. The now grown Benedetta really does have the hots for J.C., regularly caught in the throes of Paul Verhoeven-like visions that look like outtakes from "Robo-Jesus'.    

                  She further sends the Abbess and the Catholic hierarchy into a tizzy when her lifelike dreams afflict her with stigmata crucifixion wounds and have her growling in an angry demonic-like voice.   If that isn't enough to stir the film's already boiling pot, there's the arrival at the convent of the desperate young Bartolomea (Daphne Patakia), fleeing physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her entire family. 

                  As anyone who's ever encountered a nunsploitation movie,  it doesn't take long for Benedetta and Bartolomea to strip down and do the humpa-humpa......deploying a whittled down wooden Virgin Mary as a......well, need we go on?

                All of this blasphemous sexual and religious frenzy doesn't sit well with the neighborhood Papal Nuncio (Lambert Wilson) who shows up to go full Torquemada on Benedetta's unfortunate ass...and just in time for the Bubonic Plague to start super-spreadin' everywhere.....(Here's where "Benedetta" starts to closely resemble Verhoeven's other grandly gross Medieval epic, his 1985 "Flesh + Blood" with Rutger Hauer)

                 This all leads up the the film's riotous final act where the director finally unleashes the  demented Verhoevian climax you knew was on its way sooner or later.  And he delivers it right on time.

                  We return now to the question we posed in the title of this post. Should we treat any of Verhoeven's trademarked hysterical hoo-hah as if it's genuine film festival cinematic art or is it a 'Nuns In Heat' grindhouse bottom-dweller all dolled up to look like a respected, classy drama?  

                  You decide. Like all of this director's films, we suggest it's a  mixture of both - high art for the culture vultures and blood and babes for the rest of us. . And that's why audiences and critics alike find his work riveting, regardless of whether we find fascinating, thrilling or grossly repulsive.. 

                   For us, that makes the film something of a 3 & 1/2 star (***1/2 achievement.  Whatever it's supposed to be, we know we couldn't look away......and we suspect, neither will you.

 

                

                 

                   

'MALIGANT' CRAZYTOWN HORROR AT ITS LOONIEST....

 Malignant (2021)   Let's not dilly-dally here....we 'effin' loved this off-the-rails, out-of-its-mind splatterfest from horror maestro James Wan ("Insidious", "The Conjuring", "Saw"...)

             We can't help but adore a horror film that jumps out of the gate into crazytown and keeps it up for almost 2 hours.....with the added bonus of a plot twist that renders the entire piece even more sick, disgusting and deranged than you could possibly imagine. 

              The twist affords the movie to pour on the gore equal to the levels of  blood that came rushing out of that hotel elevator in "The Shining".

               We've read all the stuff about the movie paying tribute to multiple classic horror tropes, including the Italian giallos......but honestly, we didn't detect much of a Giallo vibe here......

                What's truly on display is more of a grand homage to the 'corruption-of-the-body' horror pioneered by David Croneneberg.......and director Wan takes the Cronenberg-ian warping of the flesh to all new stratospheric heights. 

                 By now, you must have figured out that 'Malignant' is aimed squarely at only the most dedicated hardcore horror aficionadas......anyone who's only a casual tourist through mainstream horror films shouldn't go anywhere near this, unless you're prepared to fasten your seat belt and keep your tray table in an upright position......

                Now comes the hard part of this review.....how do we even describe this movie without spoiling its bonkers plot?   

                  Fine.....we'll take up the challenge.

                 Madison (Annabelle Wallis), is an unhappy young wife given to multiple miscarriages and physically abused by her piece-of-shit husband,......that is, until a horrific home invasion attacker rips and bends the miserable bastard's body into a variety of twisted directions.

               More similar ghastly murders occur,  each of them witnessed by a terrified Madison  as an out-of-body experience that places her in the middle of every gruesome, nauseating death.  And yes, the people dying connect to a long defunct hospital that attempted to contain and control a murderous youngster named 'Gabriel'.  (From a flashback, we already know this loon possesses inhuman strength and telekinetic powers....)

                  Not a word more about the story will we speak of.....

                  You can guess all you like about what you think might be going on, but chances are, you'll still end up with your jaw on the floor when you see what this movie has in store for you during its final third. 

                   "Malignant" did the job for us....more than fulfilled its promise to become an a new modern horror film classic. Heartfelt and hideous all at the same time, BQ's declaring this a horror film worthy of our 5 star (*****) FIND OF FINDS  rating.  If you've got the nerve, don't miss checking it out. 

OSCARS MADNESS WRAP-UP....WILL SMITH'S GREATEST....UH....HIT.

 The Academy Award Telecast - 3/27/22     

           Apart from the grotesque closing spectacle, no real surprise here......

           As everyone expected, it was a pre-ordained inevitable shit show......an off the rails embarrassment to almost all the participants sucked into it. 

           Some of the disasters were already locked in and pre-planned ahead of time......the ruinous, toxic and insulting decision to disrespect some major craft and creative categories by not airing their wins live. The bizarre choice of hosts including funny comic Amy Schumer, the gratingly unfunny Wanda Sykes and inexplicably, actress Regina Hall. 

             A guest list loaded up with people who have no connection whatsoever to films and filmmaking.......oh yeah. 

             And as always, you knew the Academy and the show's producers would come up with some new creative way to make the "In Memoriam"" segment an incompetent mess.....they did not disappoint.    

            Sure enough, all those boxes duly checked off......

            But in that endless, 3 hour and 45 minute evening, never underestimate the Oscars telecast to unleash a miserable parade of moments you wish you could un-see and un-hear....

             This year, the Oscar trainwreck will go down forever in history......and infamy.

             Let the autopsy commence......

            Beyonce and the tennis ball rockettes.....though we realize it is every American's sacred requirement to bow down to Queen B, this went on so long, we thought we'd tuned in to the Billboard Music Awards by mistake......

             The "Regina Hall's horny as hell for Hottie Hunks" bit......the Cringe-O-Meter dial went up to 11 as the nation thrilled to the sight of Hall feeling up Jason Mamoa......glorious.

             The James Bond 60th Anniversary tribute presented by three....athletes?  Meanwhile Dame Judi Dench, who played Bond's boss M in seven films and Remi Malek, who played Bond's nemesis in the latest one,  stayed seated.  Brilliant planning....genius. 

              Wanda Sykes' tour of the Academy museum, Amy Schumer dangling in mid-air as Spiderman and the performance of the non-nominated "We don't talk about Bruno" from 'Encanto'.......we bring this stuff up as examples of what the telecast decided to include instead of letting the winners of the banished categories receive their awards on live TV......dead-on-arrival comedy skits and the inclusion of a song that not only wasn't nominated, but makes no sense taken outside the context of the movie it came from.

                 And now. last (and all time worst)......the Smith-Rock Smackdown......For psychoanalysis of the Will Smith-Chris Rock incident, we'll refer you to the 10 million tweets and 30 million blogger and pundit observations already floating through the cloud......

               Our simple take.......what an ugly, strange carnival went on display here.....a snapshot of Hollywood with its carefully tended public relations masks ripped off for us to gape at like a gory traffic accident......and a perfect snapshot of our current culture, a nation fairly reveling in division, resentment and public eruptions of rage at the slightest provocation. 

               We thoroughly enjoyed and admired Will Smith's Oacar-worthy performance in "King Richard", but he eclipsed it and not in a good way, with the schizophrenic performance of his acceptance speech.  He crazily veered from entitled arrogance to a simpering, groveling modern day Uriah Heep, claiming he's a conduit for love when the world just watched him bitch-slap a comedian who made a dumb cheap joke at his wife's expense.

                  For this, the Hollywood crowd gave him a standing ovation.....which still leaves us at a loss for words.......other than to point out the Grand Canyon divide that now exists between the showbiz community and the rest of us everyday folk who live with the consequences of our actions.

                What a terrible strange night it was.......but for us, finishing with at least this one happy ray of sunshine........

                   'Coda' wins Best Picture, beating out "The Power Of The Dog"  Joy, joy, joy and hallelujah that a heartfelt, audience friendly film took the Numero Uno award from the the frontrunner, a pretentious, unwatchable piece of culture-vulture film festival sludge unfit for human consumption.

                 

FRIDAY MADNESS WRAPUP.......THE GOP CLOWN CAR, THE SUPREME TRUMPANZEE, AND THE ALWAYS PUTRID PUTIN....

          And the madness reigns supreme......oh, right, speaking of Supreme......

Clarence Thomas's Trumpanzee wife Ginni......somehow feels like the least surprising news this week, that the consort of the all time worst Supreme Court justice is a rabid MAGA cultist, texting Baby Orange to overthrow the election.....making us wonder how her reactionary schlub hubby ever got on the court to begin with.....oh now we remember, like the beer swilling Kavanaugh, he dodged a woman's complaints against him......

Putin whines that the West is cancelling Russia like it did to J.K. Rowling.....let us get this straight.....so the living embodiment of Voldemort is cranky because  we're isolating Russia?  In related news, Putin received "cheer up!" cards from Syria's Bashar al-Assad and Kim Jung un.

NATO estimates 7,000 to 15.000 Russians have died waging war on Ukraine.....at last, some good news for a change.......Bravo, Ukraine forces.....

Johnson & Johnson vaccine recipients suffered a higher death rate from Omicron Covid.....stated a Johnson & Johnson spokesman, "We're terribly sorry, we really thought baby shampoo would really knock out the virus".......

Sarah Palin threatens a political comeback.....and we quote her - "....we need people that have cajones......We need people like Donald Trump who has nothing to lose like me and no more of this vanilla milquetoast, namby pamby wussy pussy stuff...."    And we thought all this time that Vanilla Milquetoast Namby Pamby Wussy Pussy Stuff was a new milkshake flavor at Wendy's......In honor of this tweet, MENSA awarded Palin a special 'reverse Mensa' membership for people whose I. Q's test lower than a cantaloupe....

The GOP  stooges torment Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson.....with a host of lunatic interrogations....John Hawley's 'soft of pedophiles' , Ted Cruz's "are babies racist?", Lindsay Graham's storming out in a temper tantrum......the CDC issues warning that 95% of the GOP falls under the category of 'Bacteria'.......

        Wishing all BQ visitors a happy weekend and for Vlad Putin to contract every form of terminal cancer known to medical science.......See you Monday!

'DEEP WATER'....THE RETURN OF THE HORNY THRILLER....

 Deep Water (2022)   Not entirely the worst idea.......after a 20 year absence since his last film (2002's "Unfaithful") 20th Century Fox dug into the mothball closet to pull out director Adrian Lyne, who ruled the 80's and 90's with high profile steambaths like '9 & 1/2 Weeks", "Fatal Attraction", "Indecent Proposal" and the "Lolita" remake. 

                Who better to modernize a 1957\\novel by Patricia Highsmith ("The Talented Mr. Ripley", "Strangers On A Train").....a story very much in the Highsmith universe, where no bad deed goes punished.......

                   Disney inherited the film after gobbling up Fox, but no one expected to breathe heavy at the sight of Ana de Armas fellating Ben Affleck on Disney Plus......that explains why you'll find it parked on Hulu.

                   As a great lover, curator and collector of guilty pleasure, we welcomed "Deep Water", a deep dysfunctional dive into the warped marriage of two pretty people with too much time, money and booze on their hands. 

                      Vic (Affleck) has retired young on the wealth from his microchip that powers attack drones. He dotes on his precocious little daughter and loves playing the role of  an ice cold, dead-eyed sociopath to terrorize young studs lusting for his smokin' hot nympho wife Melinda ( deArmas)

                     But is Vic just screwin' around with Melinda's would be boy toys or is he really capable of prying them off her by killing them? 

                     And now comes to part where we force ourselves to shut up about what happens next, otherwise we'd spoil all the "you gotta be kiddin' me moments......(though we can't resist advising you to be on the lookout for a quiet but disturbing little exchange between Affleck and his little girl....all at once strangely funny and creepy beyond words....

                     But we can talk about the bizarre marriage-from-hell enacted by Affleck and de Armas, portraying a sick coupling of two toxic souls. Together, they're a minefield for anyone in their vicinity, their union  fueled by simmering rage, psychotic jealousy......and at the end of  day, something resembling love.....sort of....or their fractured notion of it.. 

                    True, the climax makes no sense whatsoever on multiple levels and the abrupt final shot looks like Adrian Lyne dozed off in the editing room.......but in a perpetually aroused thriller like this, getting there is all the fun, as long as the filmmakers don't forget to pile on the sex sleaze and psychosis. 

                     Admit it, why else would we waste time watching it?  And "Deep Water" piles on great big globs of sex, sleaze and psychosis....plus a bonus - slimy snails! (Don't ask...) Affleck does fine subtle work here as Vic, who's a sort of a Tom Ripley re-imagined as a suburban house husband. 

                      But he can't help it if de Armas eclipses him as the overheated, libidinous Venus flytrap Melinda, always on the prowl for all night drinking and boinking......but not necessarily with her husband, who mostly glowers in silence as she cavorts with her latest admirer. 

                      Since we can't remember the last time we wallowed in such an unabashed, junky sex thriller, we'll go as far as 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2).   For anyone who cares to indulge, we'd say sit back, relax and enjoy it for what is is.....a silly, feverish return to 1990's multiplex trash....junkaholics rejoice......

'LAST EMBRACE'....HITCHCOCKERY HITS NIAGARA FALLS....

 Last Embrace (1979)    12 years before he galvanized the cinema world with "Silence Of The Lambs", Jonathan Demme, was yet another young director seeking to break out of  helming low budget, Roger Corman grindhouse movies.

             He followed the example of Brian DePalma in using a Hitchcock homage as the surefire way to capture major attention and stand out from the directorial crowd......

               "Last Embrace" has a lot going for it to start out with - it featured Roy Scheider, a newly minted major star after his lead role in "Jaws", the little seen and underappreciated Janet Margolin as his romantic interest, a wonderfully quirky supporting cast of Christopher Walken, John Glover, Charles Napier and Sam Levene and a grand symphonic score from the legendary Miklos Rosza......

                And, most Hitchcockian of all, a feverish, melodramatic climax at Niagara Falls!  (Hitch himself most likely passed on ever using the Falls after  Henry Hathaway's 1953 "Niagara" with Marilyn Monroe and Joseph Cotton.....s                )

                 In the lengthy filmography of Hitch imitations,  Demme's homage falls somewhere in between the deliriously overheated DePalma efforts like "Sisters" and "Obsession"  and the dry-as-dust academic copies like Robert Benton's 1982 "Still Of The Night" (which also featured Scheider - see our posts on "Sisters" 11/19/18, "Obsession" 7/28/17 )

                 Here Scheider plays Harry Hannan, a clandestine government agent newly recovered from a breakdown he suffered when his wife died in a firefight crossfire between Hannan and his assigned target. He's still damaged and living on his last nerve when some unknown assailant tries throwing him in front of commuter train.  An enraged Hannan mistakenly manhandles an innocent bystander played by a young Mandy Patinkin.

                 Hannan's superior (Walken) little use for him, and Harry's convinced someone's out to kill him......who may or may not be his angry brother-in-law (Napier) who blames Harry for his sister's death. Adding to his woes, he finds his apartment now leased and  occupied by Ellie Fabian (Margolin)  a lovely graduate student who's as high strung and fearful as he is.  

                 That's as far as we'll go with the details since the rest of film involves, as you might expect further attempts on Harry's life, the hunt for clues as to what's really going on and the growing romance between  Harry and Ellie.

                 Director Demme, aided by Rosza's trademark expansive scoring, presses all the Hitchcock buttons in the suspenseful set pieces that all lead, as you knew they would once you look at the film's poster, to the massive cascading waters of Niagara......and it's no honeymoon for Harry......

                 If you're a lifelong Hitchcock fan who wouldn't miss checking out  all the imitators as well (worthy or unworthy), then cook up some popcorn and and give warm hug to "Last Embrace"......a pretty good free copy is available to stream on Youtube. 3 stars (***)..  

'HOUSE OF GUCCI'......GRAND OPERA GOES GAGA.....

 House Of Gucci (2021   We've read all the stories of how Lady Gaga's constant self-celebration may have deprived her of  garnering a bunch of Best Actress nominations  during this awards season.

              That's a damn shame. After finally watching 'House Of Gucci', we say, you go, Gaga.....

               In this three ring circus of a movie, she's the tightrope walker, trapeze artist and lion tamer all rolled up into one.  And when she's on screen, (the center ring,) you can't look at anyone else. 

                 Ridley Scott, that tireless maestro of ambitious epics, makes this one far more watchable and digestible than his previous film, the medieval he-said-she-said slog, "The Last Duel".  He's smart enough to realize Gaga's the MVP here but not smart enough to figure out what kind of movie he's making...either circus-like semi comic opera or a solemn gaze at a collapsing dynasty.....a la the "Godfather" trilogy. 

               ( You can pick up the Coppola 'Godfather' vibes as you watch Al Pacino and Jeremy Irons as the elder Gucci brothers......they resemble the old guys whom young Al Pacino had  bumped off during the christening scene in the first 'Godfather....)

                So for close to 2 hours and 40 minutes, the film veers back and forth between cavorting like an  overripe pulp melodrama and then tamping it all down as if to say, "Oh wait a minute, this is serious stuff we're dealing with..."

                 We much preferred the over-the-top opera mode, with Lady G doing a combo of Lady Macbeth, Lucretia Borgia, Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren. Playing the the lower middle class, ferocious firecracker Patrizia Reggiani she's a stitch to watch as she stalks, woos and marries fashion scion Maurizio Gucci (Adam Driver).

                  Throughout the rest of the film, Patrizia's many schemes, machinations and maneuvers to propel Maurizio and the Gucci brand into fashion world supremacy fall apart, one after the other.  For all her Lady Macbeth-ing, she deeply underestimates Maurizio's ability to transform from the feckless naif she married to a full fledged, ruthless, cold hearted Gucci.  Not one to be undone after he takes up with another woman and divorces her, Patrizia goes full Borgia on his ass......(all of this a well documented true story....) 

                  The fun of all this is watching Gaga hurl herself into this role as if she's performing a Super Bowl halftime show that goes on for several hours.....(by the finale, , she's even swarmed by the papa...papa.....paparazzi.)  But let's also give credit to Adam Driver, who anchors the movie when it chooses to do one of its hairpin turns into serious drama.  While LG's playing to the balcony, his more subtle, nuanced work finally displays how deep and thick the Gucci blood runs.

               Returning to the 3 ring circus analogy, the clown contingent arrives in Jaret Leto's startling portrayal of Paolo Gucci, the clueless, hapless, dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks Gucci cousin with sad delusions of adequacy. Slathered with gallons of plastic, prosthetic makeup and delivering his lines in an operatic sing-song tenor, he looks and sounds like an escapee from the "Nightmare Alley" carnival midway.  (So Ridley Scott really can't grouse about why some critics didn't take this film seriously...)

                Far from a perfect movie by any stretch of the imagination, but we salute Ridley Scott's continued goal to lay out a 12 course cinematic meal that's features something tasty for everybody to sample. So maybe Gaga's too full of herself and so maybe this movie can't ever find a consistent tone.......it's still a crazy feast to gorge on and you shouldn't miss it.. 3 & 1/2 stars (***1/2) 

'LISTEN TO ME'.....WOEFUL DEBATORS VS. 'ROE V WADE'.....

 Listen To Me (1989)    This ridiculous, machine-tooled college romance arrived at the tail end of the reign of genial, addled, dementia-ridden President Ronald Reagan.......and the pretzel-twisting logic the film used to make its Reagan-ized politics palatable to moviegoers renders it doubly offensive  33 years later.

             Wait a sec......politics in an 80's youth movie?  Those breezy time wasters where everybody's greatest goal was to jump each other's bones and get into each other's pants?

              Writer-director Douglas Day Stewart does indeed set up all the familiar tropes and characters.....two innocent rubes pitted against each other in competition, the playboy Big Man On Campus, the muscular jock, the chubby nerd,  the pathetically shy sweet girl (in this case made especially vulnerable by giving her a crippled leg)

              The film plops them all down at Kinmont, a sunny California college  where public debating is pursued with the same rabid bloodlust as football or basketball.  And the intense, driven debate coach (Roy Scheider, clenching his jaw like Jaws is still after him), needs a top team to to take on Harvard  - where the competing teams will argue for and against Roe V. Wade in front of five Supreme Court justices. 

               As fate and Stewart's script would have it, the showdown has Kinmont, given the unenviable task of arguing against  Roe while the Harvard boys, silver tongued, blonde and handsome, take the pro position, which a majority of Americans continue to support today......(despite malicious GOP legislators' efforts to take away women's rights make their own decision on abortion).

                This makes things tough for our cutie-pie Kinmont team  (Kirk Cameron, Jamie Gertz) two lower middle class strivers, hoping to prove themselves after winning debate scholarships to the school.

                 And even tougher for the movie itself, since Cameron, a painfully mediocre TV stitcom actor ("Growing Pains") makes embarrassing attempts to play a cornpone country boy with a gift of gab....complete with false, folksy patter as if he's Reagan-Lite. Cameron's heinous hillbilly,  with coach Scheider's encouragement and advice, would even invent a fictitious backstory for himself to score debate points.

                 This brings us to the film's ludicrous finale, in which director Stewart takes an idiotic stab at pleasing everyone on both sides of the issue. Forced to debate against abortion,  Cameron champions a woman's right to have one, while wailing utter gibberish about 'Roe V. Wade' destroying the moral fabric of America......(Douglas Day Stewart may well believe that right wing lunacy and Cameron's already abysmal performance of it sends the movie into pure crazytown.

                 This Grade D actor's supposed eloquence, which requires the same suspension of reality as Spiderman's web-slinging, tips the five Supreme Court justices into giving him the win......and the required hug 'n smooch from teammate Gertz, whom he's been unsuccessfully romancing throughout the film. 

                  (We'll not even go into the eye-rolling, melodramatic backstories assigned to these cardboard characters. Besides, those lovebirds' troubles pale in comparison to the script's schizoid treatment of the entitled, BMOC played by Tim quill.....depending on what scene he's on, this guy goes from snarky egotist to sensitive, misunderstood soul, to misogynist abuser and back again.)

                  As a a video movie buyer back in the 80's, we viewed every grade of  teen/college movie.....some ended up as timeless classics, some remain amusing, silly trifles, some just stank from the lack of time, money and talent put into them.....

                  "Listen To Me" stood by itself as the only one of these films that came across as rotten to its very core......filled with low-grade, minimal actors and truly wrapped around the most convoluted, corrupt and cynical script we've ever encountered. 

                    A winner of  the BQ's rarely given AFH -  An Abomination From Hell.  No debate.

                   

'SUMMER OF '42'.....A SHTUP TO REMEMBER.....

 Summer Of 42 (1971)    This one cleverly followed the marketing path taken by the previous year's read-the-book-see-the-movie sensation Love Story (1970).....which turned tear-inducing kitsch into a box office bonanza.

              Warner Brothers convinced screenwriter Herman Raucher to novelize his script before it ever went before the cameras.  Sure enough, the book-movie, an overly sentimental, nostalgia-drenched recollection of Raucher's sexual initiation at the hands of a grieving World War 2 widow, hit the bestseller lists. Ka-ching, ki-ching.

              Eventually the film version arrived to the delight of a pre-sold audience eager to see the tale play out on the big screen.  Ever so gently directed by Robert Mulligan ("To Kill A Mockingbird") and smeared with soft focus golden brown hues by cinematographer Robert Surtees, the movie hit the sweet spot for audiences looking to escape into a simpler, more morally clear era. 

               And who could forget Michel Legrand's achingly sad theme music that played throughout the entire film? (Later to become a hit song.)

               As he did in "To Kill A Mockingbird", once again director Mulligan coaxed endearing performances out of young inexperienced actors, in this case Gary Grimes, Jerry Hauser and Oliver Conant. The boys played three teens spending a long, bored 1942 summer on Nantucket island....while a world war raged around the globe. 

                Grimes character 'Hermie' a teen version of Herman Raucher is the sensitive soul of the trio and he's captivated by beautiful newlywed Dorothy (Jennifer O' Neill) who's just said her goodbyes to her Army recruit husband as he ships out to join the fight overseas.

                In between the expected scenes of adolescent hormonal horseplay among his two pals, Hermie strikes up an overly polite, but none the less adorable friendship with the kind, lonely Dorothy. When she receives  the dreaded telegrammed news of her husband's combat death,  she's devastated .......and as a momentary escape in a cloud of crushing grief, she takes Hermie to her bedroom, losing herself to sex as Hermie loses his virginity......

                  If this all sounds too fairy tale unbelievable and far-fetched, well.....sure it is. But Robert Mulligan stages this sequence with such an ever so careful,, delicate touch, he made audiences believe it, even as film critics and other professional cynics mocked it. 

                  For the record, Herman Raucher later admitted that in reality, the young widow was so drunk and distraught at the time, she probably didn't even realize what she was doing......or to whom she was doing it to.  Maybe a more gritty director than Mulligan could've filmed it that way, but he'd need a far better actress than Jennifer O'Neill, who came from fashion modeling. (Plus it was designed to be that kind of film anyway....)

                 But for this film's purposes, the luminous, apple-cheeked model fit in perfectly with the film's Never Never Land world of 1940's nostalgia.....and 1971 moviegoers, afflicted with the twin miseries of Richard Nixon and Vietnam, lapped it up.  

                  And in all honesty, during the 105 minutes it took to watch it, so did we.  Call it unrepentant marketing cheese if you like, but strangely enough, that didn't stop us from liking it. 3 stars (***).

'THE MATRIX RESURRECTIONS'....."OH BOY! A FOURTH ONE!"....SAID NOBODY.

 The Matrix Resurrections (2021)    We'd give ourself a migraine remembering the first three 'Matix' movies.....

           The first one? Super cool.  The second?  Yeh...uh..ok...cool enough.  The third?  Oh, Christ, make it go away already.....

              The fourth?  A hybrid mess.....30 percent meta joking around, 30 per cent CGI landfill, 40 per cent Warner Brothers corporate greed. 

               Speaking of the WB, the suits were bound and determined to make another 'Matrix' with or without the participation of its creators, Lana and Lily Wachowski.  Lana no doubt took that threat seriously so she stepped up to direct and co-write 'Resurrections'......

               And wasted no time at all in opening the film with a most incisive 'F*** You' to Warners with game designers carping about WB's  demand for more 'Matrix' games.....

                But of course, we forgot to mention,  though these poor suckers think they're existing in the real world as we know it, they're not......they and everyone else are just avatars in the 'Matrix', an artificial reality created by the vast, omnipotent machines of the  real world, a dystopian universe wracked by wars between rebel humans and machines. 

                Pardus us, but if we attempt any more plot description of this film, we'll lose the will to live altogether.....

                ......other than to say that the supposedly deceased Neo and Trinity from the first three films (Keanu Reeves, Carrie Moss) discover they've been resurrected into Matrix-ians by the real world machines.  Then onward to the endless slow motion Kung Fu battles and the even infinitely longer slow-motion gun battles.....with bullets moving slower than the pace of "The Power Of The Dog"......

                  That brought us back to the basic observation we had when watching the original trilogy......since all these interminable action-packed sequences take place in an artificial, computer constructed world, then what's at stake here for the participants? 

                   Just like the superheroes in the onslaught of  Marvel comic book movies, the Matrix versions of humans slam into walls at 80 miles an hour, fall off buildings 100 feet high or more and crawl out crashed  and crushed vehicles without so much as a single boo-boo. Cause....yeh, we know.....they're merely representations of people.

                   Which begs the same question we ask now as we did then........as superbly crafted as these marathon fights are, why should we care for even one second about what's going on in them and how they'll end.....(if they even do.....we may have dozed off through some of 'em...

                    At the very least, we'll  commend Lana Wachowski for her ambitious stab at having it every which way......taking well deserved jabs at Warner Brothers for wanting to will this unnecessary movie into existence and then doing the job for them herself.  

                    If you feel you must endure it, as a 'Matrix' completist, stay for the very end of the typically life-deadening credit crawl of 3000 digital artists.......there's one final nasty little joke that truly sums up the entire project......

                     For that gag alone, we'll computer generate 1 star. (*). And that's as far we'll go......

'RUN ROSE RUN'.....WE SAY 'HELLO DOLLY' TO A HOT PLATE OF COUNTRY-FRIED PATTERSON

 Run Rose Run by Dolly Parton and James Patterson (2022)    For any avid reader who can't resist  indulging in a page-zipping up-all-night bestseller from time to time........here's your next tub of hot buttered popcorn with a side of fall-off-the-bone baby back ribs......

               At first glance, country music living legend Parton may appear as one of the most unlikely of James Patterson's celebrity collaborators........but it only took us a few pages in to realize it's the perfect match of co-authors.....

                Within each of their own fields, Parton and Patterson rule as two of popular culture's most compelling storytellers.......so their teaming up to create a country music thriller loaded with catchy songs is such an inspired idea, we wondered why it didn't happen sooner.

                Yes indeed, the book, just like a movie, features a specially written collection of hew Dolly Parton songs that function as an integral part of the story ....(which you can purchase separately and we promise to review in an upcoming post.)

                  And what else could that story be about other than a fierce, beautiful young country music songwriter-singer wanna-be who hitchhikes to Nashville in pursuit of stardom.

                   Annielee Keyes, possessor of a golden voice and brilliant songwriting talent, is also something of an ornery, firecracker survivor. And she luckily catches the eyes and ears of retired country music legend Ruthanna Ryder, who takes the prickly hillbilly girl under her wing for mentoring.

                   But there's a load of dark, dark secrets of Annielee's past, as well as mysterious thug stalkers who periodically show up to beat her senseless.  As her fledgling career rises with Ruthanna's guidance and help, so do the threats to her life from something or someone out of her tortured past.....

                 And we shouldn't even bother saying that in true Patterson, style, climactic thrills and suspense arrive right on time in the final 2 page long chapters......

                    Parton and Patterson conduct a vivid tour through all the brutal ups and downs of trying to break into the music business.....and Parton's fans (and who isn't one?) will get a kick out of seeing variations of her public persona play out in both the characters of the young Annielee and the still feisty veteran performer Ruthanna.

                   For a fast fun read from two master entertainers, we say run down a copy "Run Rose Run" as fast as you can.....it's right up there with hot buttered popcorn and baby back ribs. 4 stars (****)

                   

                 

'PAM & TOMMY'.....STRIFE-STYLES OF THE RICH 'N INFAMOUS

 Pam & Tommy (2022 Mini-Series)    The filmmakers who put together this way too long account of the first official celebrity sex tape seemed to never make up their minds on how to approach their story.......so they make labored tries as having it every which way.......as a sharp-as-a-knife social satire and at the same time, a heartfelt incisive expose of the mistreatment and objectification of women. 

               While there's certainly things to admire in this 8 episode Hulu series (specifically its careful attention to the victimization of actress Pamela Anderson), there's not nearly that much to this story that justifies stretching it out to multiple episodes.........in which some of them, you can sense the filmmakers were just killing time......and wasting ours.

                The show kicks off with a sardonic, deadpan vibe as it recounts the turbulent romantic life of the C-List celebrities Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee......she being the meagerly talented and ample-chested 'Baywatch' starlet and Lee being the heavily tattooed rock 'n roll Motley Crue drummer. 

                 Living like debauched royalty in a vast L.A. mansion, Lee and Anderson cavort like hormonal teens until they ran afoul of  a disgruntled bottom-feeding contractor Rand Gauthier (Seth Rogan). Lee, for no other reason than he can, stiffs Gauthier out of money owed for home renovations, not only firing him but confiscating his tools. 

                   Gauthier then took his revenge by robbing them of a VHS tape Lee took of himself and Anderson while they sexually romped on a boating vacation.  The rest, as they say, became part of history in pop culture and the mainstreaming of celebrity porn.

                  The clueless Gauthier's schemes to enrich himself by selling copies made of the tape quickly go awry for him. He stammers, sweats and sees his life undone as the tape makes its way through the hands of a creepy gangster (Andrew Dice Clay), the reptilian Penthouse Magazine mogul Bob Guccione (Maxwell Caulfield)  and eventually a savvy adult movie distributor (Fred Hechinger)...... who markets the 'Pam 'n Tommy' sex tape so it rests on video store shelves everywhere.

                    Lee and Anderson tried a variety of desperate attempts to retrieve the tape, everything from sending thugs to beat the crap out of Gauthier to lawsuits and legal maneuvers from their high powered attorneys. Nothing worked for them.......their personal Pandora's box was opened wide to the world, right along side Lee's legendarily huge penis. 

                    And here is where the show makes its most pivotal points.......as their tape became part of the cultural landscape (and the butt of Jay Leno's monologue), Tommy Lee's reputation as a badass rogue was only enhanced by it........whereas Pamela Anderson, who hungered for better gigs than playing the 'Baywatch  slice 'o cheesecake, saw her reputation and career degraded into that of 'low level  D-list slut',  a punchline for comics to feast on.

                    Not that anyone should worry about the series turning into a strident feminist rant, since the show takes great pleasure in skewering and lampooning people on every level  of the Los Angeles-Hollywood food chain......from scumbag hustlers to Hugh Hefner. For an bonus, over-the-top showstopper, it even serves up the bizarre spectacle of Tommy Lee carrying on a conversation with his chatty, tumescent shlong.

                   We'll throw in a few hand claps for the lead actors, who throw themselves into it with ferocious abandon.......Lily James and Sebastian Stan inhabit Pam and Tommy to the very max.....and you can't look away from their uncomfortably real recreation of the star-crossed collision of two dim bulbs with too much money, too much ego, and not much sense.   

                    As the even dumber Gauthier, Seth Rogan looks like he's having a dryly funny good time doing a warped variation of his typical slacker roles. You'll feel for his confused frustration as he witnesses his own life spin faster and faster out of control. 

                    We still hold to our final conclusion........that 'Pam & Tommy' would have been far more powerful and effective if done as a one sitting feature film......stretched out to episodic length, it runs the risk of becoming repetitious and too drawn out. 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)