'NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS'......CRUDE BUMS AND NO FUN

Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)   You've no idea how much we'd have loved to tell you that this movie lives up to all the down 'n dirty fun that it promises in its outrageous, funny title.........(and its tagline as well....."This sister's one bad mother"........)

          So, so very, very sorry.

           Ir'a joyless, crappy sludge, slapped together by an amateur-night crew of 'filmmakers' who spent way too much time watching Tarantino, Rodriguez and DePalma movies.......

            These hacks were so busy shouting "Woo Hoo!" at all the violence in those directors' works, they took no notice of the actual filmmaking skills on display.........

             The first crucial thing these yo yo's failed to comprehend........Tarantino, Rodriguez and DePalma use real actors.........the 'Nude Nuns' clown car thought they could imitate their idols by using non-acting non-entities who deliver their dialogue at porn-star level......

               Beyond painful to watch.

               But we will give them a smidge of credit for their lunatic plot........which envisions an unholy alliance between a Mexican Catholic church and "Los Muertos", a scuzzy bunch of drug dealing goons.......

                The poor nuns are forced to work as either drug packagers (stripped down to only their headgear), or stripper-hookers......or in the case of Sister Sarah, beaten and drug-addicted sex slaves....

                Sister Sarah however, newly energized by a message from God, breaks free and goes on a vengeful rampage........and yes, she's nude......and yes, she wields big guns.....

                 And that's all there is , folks.......except for a moment at the finale when the filmmakers, consumed with delusions of grandeur, set up a supposed sequel........

                Which we hope nobody will hold their breath waiting for........

                 Bottom-of-the-barrel stuff.....we'll eke out 1/2 of a star......and that's title and the tagline......we only hope "This sister is one bad mother" can be put to use on the next revival of "The Sound Of Music",,,,,,,,