The 1st Amendment protects us from revealing how we managed to obtain a sample of Senator Rand Paul's phlegm.......and how a covert team of scientists extracted a sentient sample of the virus for us to interview......exclusively for this blog and our treasured visitors.....
We proudly and unashamedly present an uncut transcript of the interview......
CORA: Hey, knock yourself out, flesh-boy. Sooner of later I'll be sneezed to meet ya...heh, heh. First let me say Hi! to your followers........Good Evening, Ladies and Germs.......just call me Cora.for short.....I'd love to give ya all a big sloppy hug 'n kissy-kissy!
BQ: I doubt anyone wants that. So......you've really shaken the world up, haven't you?
CORA: Oh baby, I'm just gettin' started.......and you United States suckers......thank you so much! You've made it sooooo easy for me and my family to infect you all.......electing a complete moron to run your country! You guys are awesome!
BQ: But wait a sec......President Trump thinks we can contain you enough to re-open our nation in time for Easter Sunday services........
CORA: By all means.....do it. Please! Please! Especially all you Red Hat mutants who think everything that comes out of that walking bowel movement's mouth is the Gospel Truth!
BQ: You mean to say......you won't be gone if people crowd into all the U.S. churches on Easter Sunday?
CORA: Are you shittin' me? Eh, maybe you are, the way you humans obsess over toilet paper........listen up, you feckless four-limbed meatpie, I'm gonna be sittin' in every single Trumpworld church pew, come Easter!
BQ: Well, that's disturbing......
CORA: Disturbing? You mean delightful! You guys show up in force in the churches, you won't just praise Jesus.....I'll do my best to make sure you meet Him personally....heh, heh........
BQ: At least the President no longer believes that you're a hoax.....
CORA: He's priceless......My buds and I were wonderin' how may people we'd have to kill until President Dickwad and Fox News dropped the hoax crap.......hey, you want a selfie with me?
BQ: No, we're good right here, thanks. So......what are your future plans? What's next for you?
CORA: What do you think, numbnuts? Wipe you bastards off the face of the earth.......until there's nobody left but me, cockroaches and maybe Greta Thunberg, whom you dumbasses should have listened to all along.......
BQ: But many of us do re-cycle. And a majority of us voted against Trump.......you're just being evil and nasty.......
CORA: I know! But unlike you're idiot leader, I'm not racist, I don't discriminate. I want to off
everybody! White people too! And breaking news, bub......Trumpty-Dumpty can't hurt my feelings with one of his stupid nicknames. He can call me 'Chy-Na Virus' all he wants....I'm still comin' for ya........
BQ: We appreciate you took time out of your busy schedule. Any last words for those reading this?
CORA: Hey listen......I'm not all bad. After all, didn't I infect Harvey Weinstein and Rand Paul?
You're welcome, America! My advice......get out more and mingle. And when you listen to those White House press conferences, pay careful attention to your President. Take everything he says to heart!
BQ: But almost everything he says is either delusional or an outright lie.....
CORA: Shhhhhhhh! Keep that to yourself, will ya? Don't spoil all my fun.
BQ: One last thing before you go......let me introduce you to Lysol spray.....
CORA: (sound of screaming) Arrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
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