WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP........SPECIAL "WE'LL SEE THAT HAPPENS" EDITION.......

                We couldn't think of a better title for this edition of the Madness Wrap-Up than Baby Orange's favorite phrase.......which he deploys when he's got no frickin' clue what'll happen.....or no clue as to what he's doing....

                 Baby Orange and the Coronovirus......This may end up like the famous ironic ending of H.G. Wells' "War Of The Worlds"..........Like the Martians, Trump seemed invincible to every effort to take hims down.......until tiny germs finally put an end to him........well, we can always live in hope......

                   What's truly sad.......the MAGA Trumpanzees will be the last people to realize that their tubby orange savior couldn't care less how many of them drop dead.......that the only thing fueling his fear and anger is what the virus is doing to the stock market.........

                    Mike Pence, the Czar of The Coronovirus.......we'll wait a minute if you need time to catch your breath and stop laughing.  So let's get this straight.....the Manager-On-Duty in charge of responding to the spreading international heath crisis is the guy who thinks smoking won't kill you.......His Excellency's first order:  no face masks for Gays and Lesbians,  cause Mikey figures this virus is a great way thin out their population........(Don't you feel better alaready, knowing Mike's on the job?)

                     Baby Orange wants Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Sonya Sotomayor to recuse themselves to decisions that involve him.......and also wants them banned from Brett Kavenaugh's all-night Keggers......

                       and for Equal Time's sake, let's cast a jaundiced eye on the rolling Trainwreck of Democrats....

                         Memo To Bernie:  You're too f***ing old. If you're the nominee, all those kids who orgasm over all the pie-in-the-sky tripe you promised them will finally figure that out......on election night, when they face an eternity of Trump.  And  then you can move to Cuba, where anyone who hasn't been thrown into a prison torture chamber at least knows how to read......

                          Memo To Biden:  You're too f***ing old.  And your mind's going.

                          Memo to Bloomberg:  Sign up for a steel cage match with Elizabeth Warren.....and make it free on TV, you can afford it.
.
                           Memo to Buttigieg:  We like you, Mayor Pete, we really do. You're certainly right about the unimaginable horror of a Trump Vs.Bernie election........but the cold, hard, sad fact is......the only way you'd be a viable nominee is to sign up for one of Mike Pence's 'gay-to-straight' conversion summer camps......and then get yourself a female wife. We don't like saying this.......but that's where America still resides in 2020.....

                            Memo to Warren:  You're annoying but at least, unlike Bernie, you've made an effort to figure out how to pay for the pipe dreams you're promising....

                            Memo to Klobuchar and Steyer:  Go home, guys. Game over.

                            Having issued these memos, we must point out that we'll hold our nose, close our eyes and vote for whichever of these bozos wins the Democratic nomination..........keeping in mind that even a Coronovirus microbe would make a better President than Baby Orange........

                            Have a great weekend, everyone..........keep your friends close, along with your hand sanitizer........

'DEEP STATE'......HAYLEY CHILL GAVE US A THRILL.....

Deep State by Christ Hauty (2020)   We couldn't help falling deeply in love with this novel's super-dooper heroine, Hayley Chill.......even knowing she could kick our ass seven ways to Sunday if crossed.....

               She's a young West Virginian Army vet.......tough as nails, a champion boxer, with a hillbilly twang in her speech and a ramrod formal attitude that clearly announces she's no one to mess with.......

                And what a way to kick off her post-military career........as a White House intern in the administration of a divisive, controversial President.........whose unexplained, strange leanings toward Russia have earned him the eternal hatred of the fabled 'Deep State', a cabal of  conspirators in the CIA and Senate......

                 Whip-smart as she is, it doesn't take long for Hayley to stumble upon the Deep Staters plot to assassinate the rogue Chief Executive.......and once they stumble upon her, a lethal cat-and-mouse game plays out all across Washington D.C.......with Hayley dodging killers left and right until she and the cabal's formidable hit-team finally meet for their showdown clash.......

                 Oddly enough, author Hauty, a seasoned screenwriter, sometimes ditches his compelling,
movie-like narrative to get bogged down in overwritten, descriptive character backgrounds......and his omniscient habit of detailing the future fates of peripheral characters comes off as annoyingly precious......as if it's something he always dreamed of doing for his screenplay people and  now at last could truly play God.

                   But back to the good stuff........the outrageous plot reeks of today's toxic current events and the fearless, force-to-be-reckoned-with Hayley Chill might be the only person who can bring stern justice and a sense of morality to the utter chaos and madness that passes for 'government' these days.....

                   Personally, we can't wait for her next adventure......and if you're still not intrigued after reading this post......we should mention this book detonates the most fall-off-your-chair, mindblowing twist you'll  ever read this year........a jaw dropper that might even make you laugh out loud at its inevitability.......

                 We dare say no more......except the rating, 4 stars (****) BQ says chill out with Hayley Chill for a chillin', thrillin' good time.......

                 

'THE GOOD KILLER'....AND A GOOD THRILLER-DILLER

The Good Killer by Harry Dolan (2020)    Nothing like a swift, suspenseful cross-country chase to cozy up to on a cold winter night.......

                And this one's a beaut........nothing splashy or extra spectacular or backloaded with improbable WTF twists........just good solid action with some satisfying payoffs......

                You've seen this plot before in multiple books and films.......young attractive couple go on the run from a plethora of bad guys.........and you can't wait to see how they'll manage to turn the tables on all their pursuers/tormentors.......

                 Sean and Molly live quietly in their own DIY protection program........Two separate villains are on the hunt for them.......a thug who holds Sean responsible for the death of the thug's beloved brother (long, long story....you'll understand it in the book)......and a shady, cultured art dealer from whom the couple stole some priceless artifacts as revenge for his assault on Molly.....

                 Our fugitive couple stay effectively well hidden from these creeps until Sean goes Mall shopping........and,as fate would have it, ends up taking down an insane shooter who's in mid-rampage killing innocent victims.........instantly making Sean and Molly nationwide celebrities as they're photographed while forced to go on the run again, their anonymous identities blown.

                 Spotting their prey on CNN Breaking News, Vengeance-fueled Thug and assorted violent minions resume the hunt while Shady Art Guy sends out his own team of goons to capture our dauntless duo......the chase is on, bouncing from Texas to Montana to Nashville, among other spots......

                 Suspense aplenty, vast quantities of breathless action and finale showdown that'll have you flipping the pages at warp speed.

                 Need we say more?  Thriller lovers, hunt it down ASAP. It's a 4 star ride (****) for sure.

'THE MYSTERIANS'.......GIVE US YOUR HOT BABES OR ELSE.

The Mysterians (1957)   Ask any Baby Boomer who saw this as a kid and watch their eyes glaze over with blissful remembrance ........daydreaming of Saturday afternoons at the neighborhood movie theater, their faces stuffed with popcorn and jellybeans........

               How could you not love this riotously noisy alien invasion epic from the master of Japanese Monster Mashes, Ishiro Honda?

               Forget that oh-so-clever phrase "less is more"........in Honda-world, MORE is more.

                This one's got it all.......a kick-ass giant robot who shoots frickin' death-ray blobs out of its eyes......flying saucers........horny aliens in capes and motorcycle helmets who've come to earth demanding 3 Kilometers of real estate and at least 5 Earth girls to do the Humpa-Humpa-Burnin'-Love and help birth little alien half-breeds.

                Unfortunately, the Mysterians, as their called, arrive decades before Tinder, so they resort to swooping up some unwilling girls.........without even asking them if they'd like long walks on the beach and cheese 'n wine by a fireplace...........(if only they'd advertised on social media, they could've easily snagged Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie and at least one Kardashian.......

                 Our government and military forces seem okay with the 3 Kilometers demand.........but they draw a red line when it comes to the whole alien human-girl-trafficking business.........so it's off to all-out war we go.......with a Hey Nonny Nonny And Hot Cha Cha!

                 And what a war. The Mysterians, like Spielberg's aliens in his "War Of The Worlds", start their invasion literally from the ground up. Bursting first out of a mountainside comes Big-Ass Robot, doin' the Godzilla Two-Step across miniature landscapes and thousands of fleeing people.

                 That's merely the appetizer before our earthly defense forces and the Mysterians get down to some serious back-and-forth frickin' laser cannon battles.........(cue the cheering from the kids in those sticky Saturday Matinee seats........

                 Needless to say, the poor Mysterians not only lose their 3 Kilometers of land, but their abducted sex-slaves as well, leading to the first example of Intergalactic Coitus Interruptus........

                 Cacophonous fun for all ensues......and let's not wrap up this post without mentioning whom we consider the movie's MVP, composer Akira Ifukube, the legendary creator of Japanese Monster scores. Minute by minute, Ifukube matches the movie's non-stop battle sequences with a continuously thunderous score that never lets up........nobody would hear anything like it until 20 years later with John Williams' epic 'Star Wars' music......it's that good.

                 Sit back, load up with popcorn and jellybeans (of whatever guilty-pleasure candy of your choice) and return to the sublimely silly splendors of "The Mysterians".......when aliens went lookin' for love in all the wrong Outer Spaces.......4 stars (****)

'THE SPACE CHILDREN'......NUKE KIDS ON THE BLOCK.....

The Space Children (1958)   This obscure, long forgotten gem came from that cult sci-fi dynamic duo of Producer William Alland and director Jack Arnold......

               Earlier in the 1950's, these two pumped out a slew of iconic classics for Universal Studios......"It Came From Outer Space", "Creature From the Black Lagoon", "Tarantula", "The Incredible Shrinking Man", "Monster On The Campus", "Revenge Of The Creature".....

                Film buffs well remember Alland as the dogged reporter tracking down the hidden meaning of 'Rosebud' in "Citizen Kane"........and Jack Arnold's directorial career covered every genre imaginable - everything from "High School Confidential", "The Mouse That Roared" to countless TV episodes....("Gilligan's Island", "It Takes A Thief", "Love-American Style")

                The duo moved over to Paramount for "The Space Children"...... and their studio new overloards obviously held Alland and Arnold to an even more rock-bottom budget than they'd had for their Universal fantasies..........the film looks as rushed and cheap as any 1950's hour-long TV show.....(and only a few minutes longer)

                 The film also stands apart from the Universal sci-fiers in its strong moralistic, anti-war, anti-nuke message.......and in its final minutes carries the same warning for humanity delivered by 1951's "The Day The Earth Stood Still"........Alland and Arnold once again spun gold from the poverty-row budget they were given to work with.......skillfully deployed to hammer home a stern lesson for Cold War warriors.....

                  Which is........."Attention, Earthlings......this is your neighbors from outer space......stop threatening to blow each other the f*** up with H-Bombs or else. Don't make us come down there and send you to your time-out corners..... clean up your act and wise the f*** up, already."

                  And so a glowing, pulsating Alien Blob comes floating down on a beam of light. landing near a temporary beachside community of rocket technicians........who just happen to be working on "The Thunderer", a big-ass rocket that'll launch an H-bomb into permanent orbit around the Earth.......you know, in case we get antsy about the Russkies and want to drop a nuke in their borscht.

                    The blob speaks telepathically only to the kids of the rocket techies, turning the tykes into sort of a benevolent, pacifistic 'Village Of The Damned' sabotage team.  Under the semi-hypnotic control of the blob, the kids set out to teach their parents and the U.S. military that when it comes to  'No Nukes'. they ain't messin' around.......make no mistake, 'The Thunderer's gettin' ripped asunder and goin' under......

                      As a fascinating side note, the blob also takes a dim view of the standard parental corporal punishment so prevalent in the 1950's.......when one of the dads threatens to smack around his son, his arms go numb........and the film's one outright villain, a drunken abusive stepfather, gets Blob-o-fied into a corpse with his eyes still wide open.   The blob won't stand for any of that 'spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child' crapola......not when there's rockets to dismantle.....

                      It's a swift, crisp little movie and to the delight of Baby Boomers, it's heavily loaded with instantly recognizable faces.......Jackie Coogan from "The Addams Family", Rayond Bailey from "The Beverly Hillbillies", Russell Johnson from "Gilligan't Island", Johnny Crawford from "The Rifleman".........and two of BQ's personal all-time favorites.....Adam Williams (the knife-hurler from "North By Northwest") and Sandy Descher (forever immortal as the little girl who froze moviegoers to their seats when she shrieked at the memory of "Them!" in 1954)

                BQ considers "The Space Children" a must-see for all lovers of classic movie sci-fi.....
.....we give it a full 5 glowing, pulsating blobs...(*****), a FIND OF FINDS. Now if only the blob would come back and shake some sense into those brain-dead climate deniers........

                   

                     

               

'GONE WITH THE WIND'......REVIEW BY SPECIAL GUEST D.J. TRUMP!

Gone With The Wind (1939)    Since there's no telling when BQ would've gotten around to this, we thought we'd turn over the blog to a Special Guest Reviewer.........a man whose appreciation of this touchstone of classic cinema knows no bounds.......

                   Who better to review "Gone With The Wind" than the man who promised to Make America Great Again......and longed for the Hollywood of yesteryear.......when co-star (and eventual Academy Award winner) Hattie McDaniel wasn't invited to the Atlanta premiere.....

                    So let's turn over to the review to Baby Orange himself.........

                    "Now here's a real movie.......nothing like that Korean horseshit "Parasite".....lousy South Koreans.....maybe I can talk my little boytoy Kim into nukin' 'em.......

                      'Gone With The Wind', what a awesome flick.......a movie where all the darkies don't get uppity and stay in their place.......(reminds me of all the trouble me and my and my dad got into for keepin' those folks out of our apartment buildings.........man, those Civil War Southeners, they knew how keep the jigaboos in line........and out of the bathrooms too.....

                      And oh that mansion! Tara!  Doesn't it look like one of my resorts?   What a spot for a golf course.......if I had a place that size, I coulda blanked some serious coin, chargin' the upkeep to the government......

                       You gotta love that scene where they make all the Southern Belles take a nap all together.......damn, wasn't that an awesome way to calm down nasty women?  Make 'em all take a nap......too bad, I still can't talk Melania into it.......

                     And those Civil War heroes!  Weren't they the best traitors EVER? They looked damn spiffy in those uniforms......well, at least until they got the shit kicked out of 'em......

                      You can see from that movie that maybe slavery wasn't such a bad idea after all........they all looked pretty well fed and happy if you ask me.......

                       What a shame those Southern boys had to lose.........but hey, with me in charge, who knows?  Maybe we can get that ole South to rise again........and make American white again.......

                        We need to bring back movies like that.......so I'm givin' it 4 Burning Crosses (****)

                        Hey, ya know what's another great movie? Sunset Boulevard!  It's all about a celebrity with delusions of grandeur.......so I can relate......

(At this point, we reminded Baby Orange that "Sunset Boulevard" was directed by Billy Wilder, a German-Jewish immigrant who fled to America to avoid the lethal wrath of Adlolf Hitler.)

                        Really? An immigrant?  What'd he leave Germany for, anyway?  Maybe he shoulda stayed, give the Nazis a chance........some of them are good people, believe me......

(We've no further comment on this.....We think our Guest Reviewer said it all........)

                  

WEEKDAY MADNESS WRAP-UP......SPECIAL 'DEMS DEMOLITION DERBY' EDITION

            Given the riveting display of rancor, bluster, and overall nastiness in Vegas last night........we've decided to give out some 'BQootie' awards........

             Best Heaven-Sent Gift To Donald Trump:  Bernie Sanders.......who, if nominated, will most likely carry Vermont and California only........ensuring another 4 year careen into Hell itself with the Mad Emperor and his minions........

              Worst Performance as Daddy Warbucks:   Michael Bloomberg, the Democratic liberal who hates African Americans and woman almost as much as Donald Trump. We get the feeling he's not really a Presidential candidate......he just plays one on TV ads.......

               Best re-creation of the "I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up" Senior citizen.....Joe Biden. Now be a good boy Joey and eat your applesauce all gone........

              Best 'Here's Your Testicles In A Jar, Now Hit The Road' moment.....Elizabeth Warren's eviscerating take-down of Mike Bloomberg

              Best candidates to play George and Martha in a remake of "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf'...or future contestants on 'Survivor'......Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar 

               Best candidates to stage a live TV performance of "Knives Out"......all of the Vegas debaters.........

               and even more 'BQooties' for other newsworthy folk..........

               Best new campaign slogans for Pardon-happy Trump's upcoming election battle.....

'Maintain The Swamp'......'Better Homes And Pardons'........'Vote For Me, Get Out Of Jail Free'.....

                Worst comedy club imitation of an Attorney General......Attorney General Bill Barr.

                Most Deserving Jailbird Of The Week.......Roger Stone......

'PHASE IV'......ANT-POCALYPSE NOW

Phase IV (1974)   1970's sci-fi movies usually dealt with dystopian, depressing futures.........welcome to the 21st century, folks......you're all gonna die.

             Then Lucas and Spielberg put an end to this parade of apocalyptic woe in 1977 with the release of 'Star Wars' and 'Close Encounters'........

              Most of those '70's' End-Of-Days movies aged badly........but 'Phase IV' a brilliantly imagined pure science fiction experience, had endured and grown in reputation and stature over the decades.

             A stunning, totally visual experience from beginning to end, it's the one and only film directed by the legendary Saul Bass, renowned for his striking main title sequences and iconic poster-logos for major films of 50's and 60's......

              Unlike the clunky, clumsy sci-fi films of its era ("Logan's Run", "Soylent Green"), 'Phase IV' unfolds more like a direct throwback to Kubrick's '2001'.........steeped in moodiness, mystery, and stunning photography that implies a world thrown out of balance by cosmic forces beyond our control.

              Those unknowable galactic glitches have somehow infused desert ants with all-powerful intelligence.......and since nature already gifted them with ruthless organization, superhuman strength and self-sacrificing courage, they're now dedicated to ruling the earth.....at any cost.

              In other words, it's the ants' world We only live in it.

              And that's all you need to know. Just sit back and absorb the experience......which includes jaw-dropping macro-photography of the ants as they go about their new agenda of world domination........

               You'll long remember what we consider the film's most poignant and yet most disturbing sequence......worker ants, one after the other, absorbing a deadly insecticide in order to feed to their queen.....who'll spawn a whole new army of ants resistant to the poison......

               Sadly, the film's studio, Paramount, tampered with it, eliminating its mind-tripping climax that imagined a world conquered by the ants. Young mogul Robert Evans, the champion of "Chinatown" and "The Godfather", couldn't relate to the distant, cold remoteness of 'Phase IV's bleak view of failed humanity........the film quickly turned into a buried, long forgotten cult classic.......

                But never forgotten by BQ. For seekers of great cinema and challenging science fiction, it remains a 5 star (*****) FIND OF FINDS.

JABBA THE A.G. SPEAKS! BQ'S EXCLUSIVE SIT DOWN WITH MOB SHYSTER BILL BARR!!!

          Only on this blog can you thrill to this kind of breaking news..........

           We cleverly disguised ourselves as Shmendick Borscht, a Ukranian secret agent who claimed to have photos of Hunter Biden and Hilary Clinton swapping bundles of cash and cocaine with each other..........while sharing a hot tub with Andrew McCabe......

            With those credentials, we gained immediate access to Attorney General Bill Barr.........and here's the uncut transcript.......

BQ:    So, Mr. Attorney General, how does it feel to have over 2,000 Federal prosecutors calling for you to resign?

BARR:   Here's a quarter.....call someone who cares.  I don't give a flying subpoena if 10,000 of 'em want me out. I only need one guy to like me. And he does. Whole bunches.

BQ:      You mean, of course, Baby Orange....er, I meant to say, President Trump.

BARR:   Damn straight, you pencil-necked Ukrainian underling. Where are those photos you promised? I'm gettin' a world class boner just thinkin' about 'em.

BQ:     All in good time. Seriously though, do you really think Trump has the powers of an absolute monarch, answerable to no one and above the law?

BARR:   Breaking news, ass-wipe.......Trump IS the law.....the law IS Trump. Suck it up and welcome to the New America, sweetheart.

BQ:      But doesn't that mean the end of democracy.......the separation of powers.......the rule of law....everything the United States has stood for......for over 2 centuries???

BARR:   Wah-wah-waaaaah. Boo hoo, boo hoo. Dry your tears, snowflake. You're living in the Kingdom Of Trumpsylvnia........and guess who's the new Prime Minister?

BQ:      That would be you, I'm guessing.

BARR:  Does a frog shit in the pond? He does indeed. And so do I, for that matter. Couldn't reach the Justice Department crapper in time, so I saw the fountain outside the building.....so what the hell-

BQ:   Please, Mr. Barr, too much information. Although.....the sight of that would be an apt metaphor for what you're doing to the United States Of America.

BARR:   What are you, a secret agent for MSNBC?  Let's see those supposedly hot pictures......does Hilary show some tit at least? Make this worth my while, you Ukie bastard.......

BQ:  In a minute. Did you read that Op-Ed from Bush's former Attorney General?  He referred to you as un-American......

BARR:  Big fat effin' deal!   Yeah, so what?  I don't have to be American anymore. I'm Trumpian! 
So wake up and smell the jackboots, sonny........or else you'll find yourself in one of our planned
're-education' centers.

BQ:   Now you're describing fascism.

BARR:  Yeah, baby.....now we're talkin'!!

BQ:  But don't you realize you took an oath to uphold the Constitution and serve as the upholder of Justice for the American people?

BARR: (laughing)  You gotta be shittin' me........the only oath I swear to is to protect You-Know-Who......the rest of you suckers can take flying f**k at a rolling donut....:..

BQ:  I appreciate your time, Mr. Barr-

BARR:  Wait a goddamn minute, where's those incriminating photos you promised?  I've already got indictments lined up.....tomorrow I'm gonna indict the Bidens, Hilary, Robert DeNiro, Joe Scarborough, Anderson Cooper, Brad Pitt, Taylor Swift, Michelle Obama, Oprah, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!

BQ: The entire choir?

BARR:  They promised they'd flip on Mitt Romney.....

BQ:  Sorry, sir.....I'm not a Ukrainian agent. Actually, I'm just a blogger looking to expose you for the slime you are......but you do a pretty good job of that in broad daylight anyway.....in front of everybody.

BARR:  I knew it! A Never-Trumper! I should have known when you started asking sane, rational questions. Security!

            (BQ managed to escape Bill Barr's office just in time before Kelly Anne Conway ran in, armed with a cattle prod.and a flamethrower.......happy to bring you this breaking story....)


           

'THE FORCE'.......A WORMY COP CRAWLS OUT OF THE CORRUPT BIG APPLE......

The Force by Don Winslow (2017).........

            Before we launch into this book.......sorry for our semi-vacation last week. The second week of February is like the week before Christmas for BQ.....since it includes both Valentine's Day and the birthday of BW (Beloved Wife)......and means lots of last minute shopping, celebratory dinners out, and special custom-written cards for BW and BD (Beloved Daughter)......all in all, an exhausting week......

             But now, let "The Force" be with us.......a title we sought out after we heard a major film version is in the works for Matt Damon......

             If you loved all the violent, gritty New York cop movies of the 1970's ("French Connection", "Badge 373", "Taking Of Pelham One Two Three", "Across 110th St."......this book's the ultimate evocation of them........

              It's a virtual epic Greek Tragedy of corrupt NYC cops operating in a boiling cesspool of racial hatred, gang warfare and a climate of total immorality and greed that starts at the highest levels of Big Apple society.....

              In this hellish atmosphere, there's little difference between the street-level inhuman scum and the movers and shakers who rule the city from their penthouses.......

             The 'hero' in the middle of this urban Dante's Inferno is veteran, decorated cop Denny Malone, whose Task Force commandos attempt to hold back the gory apocalypse that Harlem seems on the verge of.......

              But Denny and his cops are as corrupt and heartless as the murderous thugs they police.......they've lined their pockets with kickbacks, payoffs and cocaine they've stolen from their own legendary raids on drug lords......

               Just about everybody's after Denny's scalp.......the cartels, Internal Affairs and rival cops whose corruption more than matches his own......

               But it's the Feds who finally entrap him, forcing him to turn informer on the entire rotted food chain of New York's law enforcement and judicial systems.........dirty cops, dirty D.A.'s. dirty judges, dirty politicos........

                Denny's futile attempts at keeping the walls from closing in on him coincide with an imminent verdict on a cop who shot and killed an unarmed black teenager........a verdict that could turn New York into a fiery repeat of the Los Angeles Rodney King riots.....

               Brutal stuff every step of the way, with none of the large cast of characters coming away unscathed.......(and yes, you may find yourself sort of rooting for Denny, if only to see if he can outwit and outmaneuver the massive forces arrayed against him.....)

                There's no telling how much of this story will make it into the movie, so we recommend, as always, you dive into the book first........it's a 4 star (****) rollercoaster ride to hell.......and as it races through its end-of-days climax, you'll tear through the pages like crazy.

HAVE-NOTS VS. HAVES.......'PARASITE' AND THE OSCARS

              What'd we like at the Oscars?  What'd we hate?

               In no order whatsoever.........

              Janelle Monae's opening number......no one's on the fence about this......you either think it was a showstopping triumph or exhausting, weird and desperate.........BQ goes with the latter.

               Steve Martin and Chris Rock......more or less the unofficial hosts, since they pretty much did what most Oscar hosts usually do........fire off a few solid jokes that land well, then disappear for the rest of night......

               Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig......we're totally with Billie Eilish in watching this. Two preening, self-satisfied 'comedians' who think they're the funniest, coolest kids in the Middle School cafeteria.........and if we forget to mention this in any other BQ post, we think Wiig's monumentally unfunny......

                James Corden and Rebel Wilson.......another bit that split the blogoshphere, judged either cringeworthy or riotously funny......BQ goes with the latter. 'Cats' had it comin'.....and who better to hammer the last nails in its fake furry coffin than two of its own cast members.......

                No love for "The Irishman".......that includes us. Bloated, overstuffed, re-heated Scorsese......too long, too tiresome, repetitive in the extreme.........and utterly undone by the 'Uncanny Valley' de-aging of its stars.....to hell with it.....

                Not much love for "1917" either........so who the hell cares anyway. It was nothing more than an elaborate special effects stunt masquerading as a movie. Wait'll it hits the $3.74 Wal-Mart bargain bin......

                 Randy Newman.......was this guy even awake while he played his nominated song?  Then again, listening to this listless, noodling tune, we wouldn't have blamed him if he started to snore in the middle of it........

                 Eminem's surprise appearance.......best part of this: the audience reaction, ranging from unbridled delight to 'What the f***'.........

                  Brad Pitt.......if he's really writing his own acceptance speeches then he ought to host next year's show.........nice zinger directed at the Senate jellyfish who slithered in slavery to Trump.

                  "Parasite" takes both Best International and Best Picture.......We don't know if it makes sense to let 'Parasite' double-dip into both categories.......but that doesn't stop us from lovin' it all the same. Most deserving win of the night.......provocative, disturbing, startling in its crazy twists and turns........the very definition of fearless filmmaking without a net......it's a 5 star (*****) BQ
.....FIND OF FINDS......

                     Joaquin Phoenix....... his acceptance speeches never disappoint........somewhere in the verbiage, we think he told us to stop being nasty to one another.....and stop trying to ruin people's career's cause they sent out a stupid tweet when they were idiot teenagers.  Blather on, Joaquin.....we love ya for it.

                     Rene Zelwegger......oh shut up. And sign up for a support group that'll give you a reward chip if you stay away from plastic surgeons for the rest of the year.......

                    The 'Death Parade'.........the usual glaring omissions.......a list loaded up with obscure Industry underlings,, but missing Luke Perry, Cameron Boyce and Robert Conrad........maybe Oscar fans can start a Kickstarter fund designed to pay the Academy board to include everyone next year.....

WATCH THE SKIES!.........BQ SIGHTS 'UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS' BUZZING D.C.!!

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story Of Flying Saucers (1956)   Attention all you Baby Boomers.....(and you know who you are).......remember this one from 'The Late, Late Movie Show'??

             We had to watch it with the sound turned way, way down so Mom 'n Dad wouldn't catch us with the TV on at 2 'O Clock in the morning........

              But damn, how could we not?  Motherfreakin' UFOs!  With actual, we kid you not,  real live hand held crappy camera footage of flying  saucers streakin' through the sky!

               Lucky thing the subject matter, all by itself, was inherently sensational........since the movie was a bottom-of-the-low-budget-barrel documentary that played like a training film for people newly awakened from a coma........

                The 'cast' (and we use that term lightly) consisted of an odd assortment of real folks who encountered saucers, non-actors badly pretending they could act.......and a few professional Hollywood character actors thrown into the mix.....(Bert Freed, Olan Soule, Harry Morgan, Les Tremayne).....

              There's no thrilling recreations of alien encounters here.........just the facts, Ma'am (as Dragnet's Joe Friday used to say).......and a whole lot of talking heads explaining things.......

               But for a few minutes, the movie finally remembers it's a movie and comes alive with a chilling little claustrophobic scene that has our Air Force bigwigs huddled around a radar monitor.......

               The scene replicates one of the most famous, early UFO incidents...... when a contingent of 14  saucers decided to take a joyride over Washington, D.C.......confounding and unnerving the Air Force pilots who made futile attempts to chase after them......

               And yep, that Harry ('MASH) Morgan's voice on the intercom as the pilot who finds himself close to a head on collision with something not of this earth.......

                Even in the hands of this film's clumsy, amateur-night documentarians, that scene still maintains a raw power.......(and Steven Spielberg more or less remade that scene in the air-traffic control sequence from "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind".....)

                After a painstaking breakdown of those two 16mm film clips of UFOs, the movie ends with an ominous written scroll.......if the incidents can't be explained away rationally.......then what are the UFOs?  What do they want?  And where did they come from?

                Even after the movie ended, followed by an avalanche of used car salesmen and vegetable chopper ads, chances are we Baby Boomers were still wide awake.........

                  .........and watching the skies. 2 & 1/2 stars (**1/2)

FAREWELL SPARTACUS - R.I.P. KIRK DOUGLAS (1916-2020)

               We've all thrilled to the scene where Spartacus's followers, in an act of selfless courage, brotherhood and defiance of authority, stood up and declared "I am Spartacus!"

                As stirring as that gesture may be........we knew there was only one Spartacus.

                He didn't live forever, as much as we wanted him too........but he came damn close at 103 years on this earth.

                And left us a lifetime of monumental performances, forever  preserved on film.

                 Dedicated to his art, as intensely driven and engaged by life as any human being could be, Kirk Douglas was one of the few remaining icons of what's come to be known as cinema's Golden Age.......

                  .......an era well-named, because we doubt anyone will ever experience anything like it again......the actors, the filmmakers.......and the films.

                   For anyone who might wonder who it is and what it is we lost with the passing of Kirk Douglas.......watch "Champion", "Lust For Life", "Ace In The Hole", "Detective Story", "The Vikings", "The Devil's Disciple", "Lonely Are The Brave", "Gunfight At The O.K.Corral", "Paths Of Glory"........

                   ......and of course, the film where we knew without question......
.......that Kirk Douglas was Spartacus.

MIDWEEK MADNESS WRAP-UP.......SPECIAL 'MISTAKE OF THE UNION' EDITION......

             A veritable tsunami of madness........but we'll try to keep up.....

             Baby Orange's State-Of-The-Reality-Show address.......too bad Hitleer's documentarian Leni Riefenstahl is no longer alive to film it.....she could have called it 'Triumph Of The Swill'

              Baby Orange bestows the Medal Of Freedom on.......Rush Limbaugh?  And why not......the vile, blowhard, lying radio gasbag paved the way for Baby Orange......and what a perfect moment -  Limbaugh, the master of cruelty, lies and insults having a medal affixed to him by the Baroness Of 'Be Best' herself,  Melania.

                Ah, but there's a silver lining to this story.......Rush can take pride in knowing that when his Stage 4 cancer finally packs him off for his well deserved trip to Hell, he'll be the only Medal Of Freedom winner there.......

                 Baby Orange claims he'll guarantee health care for pre-existing conditions....once again betting on the fact that his Trumpanzees are too stupid to realize he's been doing everything he possibly can to eliminate health coverage for people with such conditions......it's possible that Trumpanzees might finally realize this when they've sold their house and car to pay for their chemotherapy bills......or maybe not until they've taken their last pain-wracked breath.........Make America Dead Again......

                 Nancy Pelosi tears up Baby Orange's speech..........yeah, no question it's a crude, rude way to out-meme Baby Orange........but tragically, it's a symbol of where we are, what we've become, what depths Baby Orange has dragged everyone down to.........the damage he's inflicted on the nation, democracy and civilization is deep......and may take decades of healing.  Overall.....a cause for sadness.......

                 Lindsay Graham and Rand Paul still want the whistleblower's head on a pike....for daring to reveal the truth, the Whistleblower's earned the wrath of the Southern Fried Jellyfish and Paul, who's the human equivalent of a dumb little yapping dog who chases after cars, nipping at the tires.......

                 Minions posing as GOP Senators about to exonerate Baby Orange....."Yes, we understand that he did a kind of naughty thing.......but it's certainly not impeachable and he promises he'll never, never do it again......honest. Come on now,  all he did was extort a foreign country to cheat his way back into the White House......that's not nearly as bad as a blow job....."

                  And while we're on the subject of Democrats.......

                   The Iowa App-tastrophe......if nothing else, it's making everyone, at long last, ask , "Why is this f***ing state with its corn-fed, whitebread population and their idiotic, convoluted caucuses even important?"  How about this.....next Presidential election, leave Iowans the hell alone to vote on what's really important out there.....who wins "Miss State Fair Funnel Cake" of 2024

                    And as the last of Iowa caucus results roll in......a BQ message to all those rabid supporters of Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders........

                     Dear Social Justice Snowflakes and assorted 'Bernie Bros'  Here's how it's gonna play out if either one of your favorite Fruit Loops manages to secure the Democratic nomination......

                      Not only are you never, ever going to get free college tuition........you're going to get four more years of Donald Trump after he mops the floor with your beloved candidate.......and declares himself President For Life.

                      So while you're screaming and clapping your lungs out for Elizabeth and Bernie.....start imagining what an eternity of Baby Orange will look like........for both you and the country. Have a nice day in your safe space........

'BUFFALO BILL, HERO OF THE FAR WEST'......ACTUALLY, THE SPAGHETTI-BRATWURST WEST........

Buffalo Bill, Hero Of The Far West (1965)    This one more than fulfills the BQ mission to seek out the weirdest, oddest, nuttiest, most obscure films in 1960's cinema......(our fave era, as you know)......

           And oh my, what a gem we found in this Italian-German western that pre-dates the titanic re-working spaghetti westerns underwent after Leone's "Fistful Of Dollars" revolutionized the genre.......

             You'll see no Leone-like nihilistic anti-heroes, casual cruelty or twanging Morricone guitars in sight here......'Buffalo Bill' s DNA comes more from those overly romanticized  West German westerns based on Karl May novels......the ones with the 'Old Surehand' and 'Winnatou' characters cavorting through the lush Yugoslavian scenery.

             And just like the West German horse-operas, this movie's cartoonish vision of the American West comes from people whose sole knowledge of the era comes from........well,from watching the corniest of old Hollywood westerns......(which  themselves were already a hyperbolic fantasy of what the real West was like....)

             So what you get here is a warped funhouse view of an already warped funhouse view of wild west history.......a virtual encyclopedia of every Western movie cliche ever committed.......Indians and Cavalry battles, double-dealing saloon gamblers, the irascible old codger sidekick,  shootouts and barroom brawls, noble redskins who blurt wooden dialogue like, "Yellow Hand speak with forked tongue", innocent young gals threatened with stake-burning by rabidly evil 'Injuns'.....

             Not all of 'em are evil though......in fact Indian Princess Silver Moon Ray (no, we didn't make that name up) nurses a serious crush on our noble hero Buffalo Bill (the hunk 'o beefcake Gordon Scott, transitioning from 'Tarzan' and 'Hercules' movies...…)

             All this stuff is jam-packed into this one movie......sometimes in duplicate and triplicate, leading to a body count that's equal to several Middle East wars...…..and as in the Germanic westerns, the non-stop music layers on the heroic fanfares while dozens upon dozens of stuntmen tumble off of horses and down long flights of stairs.....

               Of course it's astoundingly ridiculous and about as historically accurate as anything Donald Trump said at his last rally, but that didn't stop BQ from enjoying the hell out of it. Call us crazy (and it won't be the first time), but as a collector of rare Guilty Pleasures, , we sure as shootin' give "Buffalo Bill" 3 stars (***)'

                 ……..he's the Hero Of The Far West alright...….in a galaxy far, far away...….

              

           

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL "BYE BYE DEMOCRACY" EDITION........

               For close to 244 years, it was fun while it lasted.......
.
               Imperfect, flawed, riddled with ups 'n downs.......but it endured for almost 2 and 1/2 centuries.......

                Well, we suppose nothing lasts forever.......sooner or later, everything's gotta go.....

                So BQ bids a fond, fond farewell.......to the shining light of the world......the light that warmed the hopes and dreams of millions upon millions......here and around the world....

                Farewell, American democracy. Farewell to the United States Of America the way it was envisioned by its founders.......

                It was murdered by a slug named Mitch McConnell ......and following along in the perpetual trail of slime he leaves behind him was the sorry collection of so called 'senators'.......a pathetic group of whipped whining dogs, jellyfish and other assorted spineless creatures...........

                Together, they conspired to end Democracy and turn the United States into a monarchy......ruled with absolute power by King Baby Orange The First.......

                ..........a king answerable to no one and nothing but his own psychotic whims......that includes the courts, congress, the people and the rule of law.......

                 The worms of the GOP now bow down to  King Baby Orange........as they celebrate the death of the country born in 1776.

                Sinclair Lewis wrongly titled his book "It Can't Happen Here"

                It just did.

                Can America be saved? Brought back from the dead? Rescued from the kind of tyrant that its founding fathers fought so hard against?

                The first Tuesday in November tells the tale . Then we'll all find out if America survives.......or if it's lost forever.

                 Stay tuned.