We cleverly disguised ourselves as Shmendick Borscht, a Ukranian secret agent who claimed to have photos of Hunter Biden and Hilary Clinton swapping bundles of cash and cocaine with each other..........while sharing a hot tub with Andrew McCabe......
With those credentials, we gained immediate access to Attorney General Bill Barr.........and here's the uncut transcript.......
BQ: So, Mr. Attorney General, how does it feel to have over 2,000 Federal prosecutors calling for you to resign?
BARR: Here's a quarter.....call someone who cares. I don't give a flying subpoena if 10,000 of 'em want me out. I only need one guy to like me. And he does. Whole bunches.
BQ: You mean, of course, Baby Orange....er, I meant to say, President Trump.
BARR: Damn straight, you pencil-necked Ukrainian underling. Where are those photos you promised? I'm gettin' a world class boner just thinkin' about 'em.
BQ: All in good time. Seriously though, do you really think Trump has the powers of an absolute monarch, answerable to no one and above the law?
BARR: Breaking news, ass-wipe.......Trump IS the law.....the law IS Trump. Suck it up and welcome to the New America, sweetheart.
BQ: But doesn't that mean the end of democracy.......the separation of powers.......the rule of law....everything the United States has stood for......for over 2 centuries???
BARR: Wah-wah-waaaaah. Boo hoo, boo hoo. Dry your tears, snowflake. You're living in the Kingdom Of Trumpsylvnia........and guess who's the new Prime Minister?
BQ: That would be you, I'm guessing.
BARR: Does a frog shit in the pond? He does indeed. And so do I, for that matter. Couldn't reach the Justice Department crapper in time, so I saw the fountain outside the building.....so what the hell-
BQ: Please, Mr. Barr, too much information. Although.....the sight of that would be an apt metaphor for what you're doing to the United States Of America.
BARR: What are you, a secret agent for MSNBC? Let's see those supposedly hot pictures......does Hilary show some tit at least? Make this worth my while, you Ukie bastard.......
BQ: In a minute. Did you read that Op-Ed from Bush's former Attorney General? He referred to you as un-American......
BARR: Big fat effin' deal! Yeah, so what? I don't have to be American anymore. I'm Trumpian!
So wake up and smell the jackboots, sonny........or else you'll find yourself in one of our planned
're-education' centers.
BQ: Now you're describing fascism.
BARR: Yeah, baby.....now we're talkin'!!
BQ: But don't you realize you took an oath to uphold the Constitution and serve as the upholder of Justice for the American people?
BARR: (laughing) You gotta be shittin' me........the only oath I swear to is to protect You-Know-Who......the rest of you suckers can take flying f**k at a rolling donut....:..
BQ: I appreciate your time, Mr. Barr-
BARR: Wait a goddamn minute, where's those incriminating photos you promised? I've already got indictments lined up.....tomorrow I'm gonna indict the Bidens, Hilary, Robert DeNiro, Joe Scarborough, Anderson Cooper, Brad Pitt, Taylor Swift, Michelle Obama, Oprah, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!
BQ: The entire choir?
BARR: They promised they'd flip on Mitt Romney.....
BQ: Sorry, sir.....I'm not a Ukrainian agent. Actually, I'm just a blogger looking to expose you for the slime you are......but you do a pretty good job of that in broad daylight anyway.....in front of everybody.
BARR: I knew it! A Never-Trumper! I should have known when you started asking sane, rational questions. Security!
(BQ managed to escape Bill Barr's office just in time before Kelly Anne Conway ran in, armed with a cattle prod.and a flamethrower.......happy to bring you this breaking story....)
No comments:
Post a Comment