WE OVERHEARD 'EM BOTH! BQ'S EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT OF THE TRUMP-PUTIN SUMMIT!!

             In the interest of national security, we dare not reveal where we got a hold of this recording........it arrived on our doorstep via Amazon drone only minutes ago.......(definitely a mix-up here, we were expecting a Warner Archive Blu Ray of "The Green Slime".....Amazon may have been understocked and considered this the next best thing.......)

              What the hey.......as long we we have it, here's a transcription........we didn't trust Putin's interpreter, so we had his contributions translated by one of the Russian mail order brides who've been hanging around the house ever since we accidentally clicked "send" on a Spam e-mail........many thanks, Grushenka.....

                Trump:    Vlad, you old KGB clown, how they hangin'?   Gas anyone lately?

                 Putin:      Shut your borscht-hole you gibbering puppet. I'll let you know when it's appropriate for you to speak.......

                Trump:   Hey, hey, easy now. You're talkin' to the President of the United States.

                 Putin:     (long bout of  convulsive laughter)   I know, I know!  It's fucking hysterical!  Even Stalin couldn't pull this off........putting an imbecile into the White House itself..........I tell you, my place in history is assured.......

                Trump: Uh.....well......what are we supposed to do......they expect us to talk about something....

                 Putin:   (still laughing)  Just take out your phone, dummy.  Sit there and do your little tweets......send something nasty to James Corden, tell him you think 'Carpool Karaoke' is Fake singing.......claim you polled higher than Andrew Jackson........say that ICE found a Glock stuffed in an immigrant baby's diaper.......I have grown-up calls to make......

                 Trump:  I'm trying to remember.....I'm supposed to ask you something.....

                 Putin:    No, you can't have your own copy of the pee-pee tape......I told you that a hundred times already......

                 Trump:  No, that wasn't it.......oh, now I remember.  I'm supposed to ask if you can extradite all the Russians charged by Mueller....

                  Putin:  (again, bursting into loud laughter)  You kill me, you Kentucky Fried Fuck-up. Haven't laughed this much since I pulled out spies' fingernails in the Lubyanka basement..............
How about this, you overgrown Cheeto........how about if I extradite the pee-pee tape to CNN?

                 Trump:   Okay, okay, never mind. Forget I asked.

                Putin:   I thought I told you to shut up and tweet.

                Trump:  Doing it.....doing it.  How do you spell 'witch hunt' again?

That's as much as we can reveal........the drone returned, and we exchanged the secret recording for the "Green Slime" blu-ray........last we saw of the drone, it was headed in the direction of the New York Times building..........stay tuned........