Dick Smart, 2.007 (1967) After suffering untold torture at the hands of 'The Substance', we desperately needed relief, solace, a film like a sinful dessert after being force fed a tub 'o shit.....
What better refreshing splash in the pool than a mindless EuroSpy movie! Nothing like an ultra dumb, badly dubbed Bond knockoff, filled with lava-hot European babes, a ridiculous plot and a male model, bargain basement, would-be Connery saving the world.
Sleep soundly, world. Dashing Agent Dick Smart, of the Super Secret Service, is on the case.....(and we didn't make up the 'super' part, that's what they call it in the movie....)
Holy atoms, Lady Lister (Margaret Lee), a luscious femme fatale has swiped random nuclear bomb components to assemble her very own La Bomba. She's aided and abetted by the mysterious, creepy Black Diamond,(Ambrosio Fregolente) who's apparently a former heavy smoker who now rasps out his dialogue via his neck brace.
Have no fear! Hear comes Agent Dick (Richard Wyler) along with his own Gal Friday hottie (Rosana Tapajos) who's not fooling anyone about her hotness by hiding behind enormous tortoise shell classes.
Looks like our man Dick raided Q's supply closet and swiped a whole bunch of stuff from Bond movies. He rides a nifty motorbike that turns into a mini-copter, a boat and a submarine. And fires rockets! The only thing this vehicle doesn't do is fry chicken and cook pancakes and waffles.
But wait! Black Diamond betrays Lady Lister and proceeds to use her plan to nuke coal mines to turn the coal into instant raw diamonds. She and our boy, the Dick-inator have to double team it put things right.
Loads of fistfights follow, but Super Dick wades through minions like a lawnmower......he even tussles with a bad guy while they're both on water skis. What a guy.
Also adding to the delirious, supremely silly fun - Mario Nascambene's music score, whose main theme never stops playing (in different variations) through the film's entire running time. Even when Dick-o-rama's tangling with a scuba-minion underwater, the theme keeps on keepin' on with electronic bleeps and bloops.
For all fans of ludicrous 1960's EuroSpy movies, this one's at least a 3 star goodie. (***). The girls are Va Va Voom, the heroics are idiotic and the secret lair showdown provides the guilty pleasure wingding you'd expect from a movie like this.
Somewhere in our dreams, Dick and Lady Lister still dangle from a helicopter together, rescuing humanity every night.......
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