Pinocchio (2022) It's a forgone conclusion that whenever the Disney Greed Machine cranks out another unwanted, unnecessary, uncalled for live action version of one of the studio's beloved animated classics, a trainwreck will result.
The only point of discussion here becomes.......how big a trainwreck will it be?
Well......think of the circus trainwreck for Cecil B. DeMille's "The Greatest Show On Earth" for a comparable comparison......(you can watch the clip on YouTube).
This one lowers the bar even further for these accursed remakes, if that's possible......even that atrocity 'Cruella' comes off a little better than this one.
Visually bizarre, wrongheaded in just about every creative decision, and achingly dull, which makes it all the more grotesque.......'Pinocchio' exists only to warm the hearts of the Disney accounting department.
And the perpetrator of this landfill is the usual suspect for such special effects eyesores. Robert Zemeckis, still an near terminal sufferer of his Opiod-like addiction to the 'Uncanny Valley' movies that feature creepy, unsettling, CGI renditions of flesh-and-blood humans. ("The Polar Express", "Beowulf", "A Christmas Carol", etc, etc)
Tom Hanks, underneath 50 pounds of make-up, functions as one of the few humans on display as the lonely toymaker Geppetto, along with Cynthia Erivo as the Blue Fairy. Everyone else appears to be digitized and motion-captured versions of characters from the original 1940 film.
I could spend another 20 paragraphs attempting to describe the near perfect storm of awfulness on display......but why bother?
This isn't a movie.....it's a Disney business deal, pretending to be one.......so mechanical and unfeeling in its conception that it can't even bother to include to story's ending, the point of the tale to begin with.
Nothing left to say, except giving this film a richly deserved, well-earned AFH rating.....a first class ABOMINATION FROM HELL. Avoid at all costs.
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