'SPIDERMAN: BRAND NEW DAY......OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEBBING MARVEL WEAVES.......

Spiderman: Brand New Day (2026) 

          We're always thrilled and proud beyond description to add yet another of our notorious "Last Blogger On Earth To Review This Movie" postings.......

       As BQ viewers well know, this way we've no need to bore you (and ourselves) to tears describing the plot, which 50,000 bloggers, critics and assorted cinema pundits have already laboriously covered in excruciating detail.

         Only Taylor Swift's wedding and Inde Navarette's 'Obsession' frown received as much media attention as this movie.

         Let's just zip right through the highs, lows and whatevers.......

         Was this a cure for Marvel Superhero fatigue that some people claim it was?

          Not as much as we thought. Tom Holland still maintains his boyish charm, even though his Peter Parker is now older, battle-hardened and pining for lost love. But even with all its high octane CGI spider-fighting, we found it the usual overlong, exhausting and clumsily organized chore to sit through. 

         Marvel could truly stun the fans and the world with a 90 minute superhero movie that you can finish sitting through without a powerful urge to pee......Maybe Christopher Nolan would consider doing one...(we kid, we kid....)

        What about an iconic, worthy villain?  Anybody see one?  We didn't.

          Two main adversaries here, neither one a world-beater. Sadie Sink as Jean Gray, a pissed off X-Men (X-Person?) refugee who can leapfrog from mind to mind.  Then there's mundane, business suited Bill Metzger (Tramell Tillman), who's been causing all the Jean Gray rage by torturing her kid sister. Metzger just wanders out of the movie with no consequences and Jean, we assume, will wander over into the next 3 hour 'Avengers' film.  Yawn-worthy, both of 'em. 

        Together, these two come off like a Who's Who of Who cares......only serving to make us infinitely nostalgic for Alfred Molina's Dr. Octopus to once again fling about his metallic tentacles. Now there was a villain for the ages......

        What's with the webbing, anyway?

         Don't know why these movies can't seem to decide if Spidey should ejaculate webbing out of his own wrists or use mechanical doodads to do it for him. Don't really care much, either. If the spider DNA consumes Petey's body, then we guess the next Spiderman can be a re-boot of 'Arachnaphobia'.

           Our choice for MVP here.....

           Easily goes to Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova, the dryly deadpan newly christened Black Widow, taking over from her late sister (Scarlet Johannsen). Conducting all her superhero business while lounging naked in a bathhouse pool. Because...why the hell not?  She supplies the witty breath of fresh air this movie so desperately needed. 

    

         The filmmaking.

         After 'Supergirl' and this film we're getting really, really sick of directors and cinematographers employing dark, ugly, de-saturated color schemes for comic book movies.  Maybe these people would enjoy themselves more doing making remakes of "Taxi Driver" and "Se7en".

           Mark Ruffalo's Hulk....

           Would've loved to see someone try Robert Downey Jr. Ironman joke.....poke him with a pencil to see if you can annoy him enough to go green.....

           F*** the Alternate Universes.....

            Let us once again reiterate how much we loathe and despise the Marvel alternate universe bullshit with the heat of a thousand suns. We vaguely remember Dr. Strange dabbling in this mind numbing nonsense, which leaves Peter Parker's beloved MJ (Zendaya) having no memory of him. And that leads to those tedious star-crossed Peter/MJ scenes that slow down a movie that's already a half hour too long.  

          Once again, thoughts and prayers for those dead and injured as collateral damage....

          Since nobody in the Marvel Universe ever thinks about it, we take a moment of silence to offer our sympathy and condolences to all pedestrians and motorists who end up most certainly killed or severely injured as Spidey and his opponents smash and crash their way through city streets.....

           And finally......the horror....the horror...

          An even longer version of 'Brand New Day' is planned for a future release in theaters....We've seen enough. Hard pass.

           One last word......

            We realize these opinions don't line up with the overwhelming popularity of the film, whose box office receipts total somewhere over a billion dollars.  We'd credit the following people for that kind of monumental success that's allowed the Marvel corporate empire and Sony pictures to milk this cash cow for over 25 years....(including those utterly unnecessary, who-asked-for-them Andrew Garfield 'Amazing Spiderman' entries....)

           We speak of  Marvel masters Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko, creating the teen-angsty superhero who so captured the hearts and minds of children, teens and adults. 

             And film director Sam Raimi, who with his first original Spiderman trilogy, brought Lee and Ditko's creations to glorious cinematic life. Thrilling, funny, heartfelt and beautifully rendered, Raimi's gifted work provided the wellspring of good will that the Marvel still uses to fatten it coffers.

        For Lee, Ditko and Raimi, 5 stars (*****).

        For "Spiderman: Brand New Day, 2 stars (**).

             

         

       

'THE FRENCH ILLUSION'.....HONEYMOONING IN PARIS TURNS PERILOUS......

 The French Illusion by John Grisham (2026)   

     Leave it to skilled storyteller John Grisham to make an international terrorists-vs-CIA clash every bit as nuanced, detailed and suspenseful as his legal thrillers.

     The main adversary here, fueled by fierce, unforgiving vengeance, oversees the kidnapping of young American honeymooners in Paris with unerring clockwork precision. After a short time, the brides are released, shaken but relatively unharmed......but only after their families transmit a 2 million dollar ransom. While the families of the husbands must pay the same amount. those honeymooning grooms remain hostages and their captors subject them to a full array of physical tortures.

     With three couples already victimized, this brutally efficient gang finally reach the attention of the FBI, CIA, NSA, French Security forces and the White House. As the stricken families and their rescued traumatized daughters worry themselves sick in maddening frustration, the wheels of global law enforcement finally move into action. And in the midst of all their operations, one low level CIA agent in particular comes up a with daring seriously perilous mission to put a stop to the plot, and save the kidnapped husbands before their very possible execution.

     You can probably tell from the above description, this storyline is tailor made to keep you in its grip from the first page to the last. John Grisham expertly introduces his rapidly growing cast of government operatives and all their machinations, diplomatic rivalries and personal quirks. There's no big surprises or twists to reveal but the methodic, relentless turning of the wheels of oncoming justice can't help but keep a reader turning those pages at top speed..........with even the most unlikely (and wry) forced proximity romance thrown into the mix for additional entertainment.

     "The French Illusion' is just one of those books where you know you're in super capable hands from the moment you dive into it. Most assuredly one of the top Fall thriller reads of this year.

     4 stars (****). 

'TRUST FALL'......NEBRASKA MEETS NEW YORK CITY.......WATCH THE ROMANTIC SPARKS FLY......

  Trust Fall by Lynn Painter (2026)

     'Trust Fall' may proudly take its place as the ultimate YA romance of this reading season. Simply because author Lynn Painter makes this book one-stop shopping for EVERY familiar and duly expected genre trope imaginable.

     Adorable good-hearted girl straight from the heartland of Nebraska? Julia's here for you. Then suddenly, our captivating Jules and her curly 'Pretty Woman' hair are made wealthy and thrown into that Mean Girl infested 9th circle of Hades....the exclusive New York City prep school. Oh yes indeed, she's there, alright. And the only thing missing from this bottomless pit of Uppercrust bullies are the usual cliques of vampires and witches.

     Plagued by weak math abilities that might jeopardize her enrollment (and her family's windfall of New Money), our girl must accept tutoring from Damion, the school's handsomest, snarkiest purveyor of rapid fire quips......mostly about Nebraska girls. Their banter, as you knew it would starts to veer from mutual distrust and dislike into......dare I say it out loud? A growing attraction to each other that keeps their internal thoughts helplessly obsessing about their.....uh.....hotness. and kissing potential.

     This is especially bedeviling for the sharp tongued Damion, because his own beloved late uncle was in fact the benefactor who turned Julia and her family into instant multi-millionaires. So his original agenda to somehow expose and accuse Julia and family as shady usurpers now conflicts with his realization that Julia's as honest, genuine and overall lovable as she appears to be.

     Lynn Painter, like a supremely skilled acrobat, simultaneously juggles all these ingredients.......enemies-to-lovers, forced proximity, secret complications, snobs vs. salt-or-the-earth folk,, quaint small town vs. NYC's Upper West Side, , a meet-cute to remember......and some swoon inducing moments to the max..

      And all of this packed into one single book? If you're always entranced by this kind of story, then I don't know what more you could ask for. A fully stocked romantic buffet awaits......

     4 stars (****).

'BEWITCHED'....THIS POOR GIRL'S BESIDES HERSELF......LITERALLY...

  Bewitched (1945)

       For you curators and collectors of obscure, weird cinema.....BQ found a goody for you.

       This might be the first split personality thriller from a major studio (MGM).....over a decade before Joanne Woodward's "The Three Faces of Eve" (a triple play, that one) and Sally Field's terrific TV movie "Sybil" (where our gal Sal practically hosted a convention of multiple people inside her addled head.)

       'Bewitched' came to life from the prolific mind of writer-director Arch Oboler, whom we'd describe as a sort of minor-league, C-minus Rod Serling/William Castle.  Oboler began in his career in radio mysteries like 'Lights Out' and in moving on to the movies, dabbled in sci-fi, horror, mystery and generally oddball exploitation....(such as "Bwana Devil", the first official 3-D film).

         "Bewitched", in its swift, trim 65 minutes, throws us into the torments of sweet innocent cutie-pie Joan Ellis (a game enough Phyllis Thaxter). It's a little crowded inside Joan's mind, since it's also housing her evil alter-ego Karen (voiced by Audrey Totter).

        Joan's Karen is way more malignant than today's Karens, the ones who call the cops on black kids mowing the lawns.  This Karen, a snarling bitch-on-wheels, wants full possession of Joanie's bod.....she's done squatting in there and announces her intention to stick around as the sole tenant.  

        Bewitched, bothered and bewildered, Joan ditches her too-good-to-be-true fiance Bob (Henry H. Daniels Jr.) and flees across the country to New York. Young lawyer Eric (Stephen McNally) falls hard for sweet Joan but invisible psychotic Karen continues to make life hell for her.  When Bob tracks her down to bring her home, Karen takes over completely, encouraging Joan to plunge a scissors into Bob's back. Bobby...we hardly knew ye.

       And now we come to the film's most interesting concept....uncomfortably similar to today's recent headlines about the mom who could only get a hung jury for killing her three children.

        Joan's now on trial for murder, with one foot in the electric chair and the other on a banana peel. Her lawyer (Eric, of course) tries defending her on an insanity plea, arguing that Cuckoo Clock Joan couldn't possibly be held accountable for her actions. And believe or not, he's on the verge of a Not Guilty verdict, till Joan stands up shrieking "I did it!  I did it!".......which puts her right back on death row and a sit-down on that juiced up hot seat.

        Arch Oboler, always a dedicated pulp fictioneer, then sends the film lurching into a ridiculous. overheated but none the less entertaining climax in the office of the New York state Governor.

        For a stay of execution, Eric and a previously skeptical psychiatrist (Edmond Gwenn) try to show the Gov and his wife that Joan's being trolled by that krazy Karen. At long last, under hypnosis, Karen's evil bad self comes out to play. And Gwenn, like a modern day witch doctor  or "The Exorcist"s Father Merrin banishes Karen into oblivion......(or for all we know, a prime position on Trump's cabinet as Director of Homeland Security.)

         Silly, but sincere in its clunky plotting and questionable mental health ethics, we got a nice little pre-Halloween chill out of 'Bewitched" .....and you've gotta love the scene where lawyer Eric starts doing a a way too frenzied out loud play-by-play on the jury's facial expressions when they return with a verdict....

         For those curators and collectors we mentioned at the beginning of this review, (especially those familiar with some of Arch Oboler's nuttier projects, like "The Twonky" and "The Bubble", this one's worth checking out.

      3 stars (***). Nutty as a peanut M & M, but fun to munch.

        

       

WEEKEND MADNESS WRAP-UP.....SPECIAL ALL-ACCESS, FULLY VETTED AND CREDENTIALED ENTRY INTO THIS WEEK'S LUNACY.......

 

BQ visitors:  Have a safe, terrific weekend! See you next week!

'RESIDENT EVIL' (2026)......FROM ZERO TO TENTACLES IN LESS THAN FIVE SECONDS........

 Resident Evil (2026)

   Writer-director Zach Cregger, the newly crowned horror genius of 'Barbarian' and 'Weapons' probably didn't have to work as hard as he did to make us forget those endlessly repetitive 'Resident Evil' movies from Paul W.S. Anderson and starring his wife Milla Jovovich. 

      (Who the hell remembers them anyway?  Maybe Anderson and Jovovich's immediate families...)

      But given the amazing results here, just about everyone's glad he did make those films nothing but lost memories.....turning this new version into a hilariously entertaining, stripped down 90 minute rollercoaster ride......the kind with multiple 360 degree loop-de-loops. 

       So no one should waste their time looking for deep character development, plot complications or any rational explanations for what's unfolding in front of you. 

        Just lock in the safety bar down on your lap and enjoy that you're still alive when the ride's over. Which is more than we can say for any of the poor souls in the movie itself......

         A moment here......one thing we've always wondered through all the R.E. moves, including this one......

         Do the stockholders of the vast Umbrella Corporation ever question that every new innovation from the company's Research and Development department invariably touches off an extinction level apocalypse of zombies, mutants and assorted monsters? Leaving millions dead, dying or transformed into all of the above.....

          Just askin'......given their track record, we would've unloaded our Umbrella stock decades ago. And with that amount of managerial incompetence on display, who's running the place anyway?  The Trump family? (well, that would explain everything)

         But let us now have some fun with Umbrella's latest disaster inflicted on their much beleaguered home base,  Raccoon City.....(and whose residents should've know way better than to move into a town named Raccoon City.....)

        Hapless shlub Bryan (Austin Abrams) ekes out a living delivering organ transplants to hospitals, presumably because it pays more than GrubHub, Door Dash and Uber. His new gig, unfortunately,  takes him to, you guessed it, Raccoon-arama, where every single person he runs into (sometimes literally) is either a gibbering, multiple tentacled abomination....or a human due to go on the menu at any second.... 

           That, dear BQ visitors, comprises the be-all and end-all of this movie. Abrams, very funny, by the way, mutters how utterly effed he is as every new variety of catastrophic carnage and squishy tentacles befall him. He's like a modern day Job and everything including the kitchen sink thrown at him.  And he began this trip into hell thinking his newly pregnant girlfriend was the worst of his problems .....heh, heh, heh...... 

       Let's not forget to give a shout out to that gem of a scene stealer Paul Walter Hauser, who briefly shows up as a panic stricken Umbrella underling. His moment with Abrams, with each of them outdoing each other in escalating comedic frenzy, is pure laugh out loud gold. 

      As for monstrosity maestro Cregger, he's not likely to enter the Oscar conversations with this one but he most definitely brings orgasmic euphoria to fanboys and fangirls everywhere. But whether he gets away with film's abrupt, nihilistic ending, well that's for you viewers to decide.  

     Given the film's drips with doom from beginning to end anyway,  we didn't mind it all that much.....

     We doubt we need to spend any time describing who this film's made for.....either hop on this coaster or move on to the cotton candy and the whack-a-mole booth.....

       4 & 1/2 tentacles (****1/2).

          

        

MID WEEK MADNESS WRAP UP.....SPECIAL 'ARC DE DUMPSTER' EDITION......