Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets Of Dunbledore (2022) Curious, isn't it.......Warner Brothers couldn't wait to flush the "Batgirl" movie down the toilet, never to see the light of day.....
And yet they proudly paraded this piece of bloated crap in multiplexes everywhere.
Welcome to the blighted world of current big studios, where it's all about the I.P., the Intellectual Property. Franchise fodder.....Tentpole world builders that can be forever milked like a cash cow that spits out box-office bucks.......and more sequels.
Here we have the third entry in J.K. Rowling Harry Potter-Verse......you can think of them as the creative equivalent of George Lucas's terrible 'Star Wars prequels......or the Peter Jackson "Hobbit" trilogy.......
To put it bluntly, unnecessary, unwanted movies with convoluted plots and a cast of characters nobody's particularly interested in.
For reasons known only to J.K. Rowling, she thought we'd all salivate with anticipation at the idea of following a political campaign amidst the world of magical folk . (Much like George Lucas thought we'd find the subject of intergalactic trade agreements in "Phantom Menace" as endlessly fascinating.
Among the three candidates in the race is evil wizard Gellert Grindelwald, played in the previous film by Johnny Depp.
Depp found himself kicked out of this one due to the commencement of his long toxic legal battle with his ex-wife. And so producers, in a lazy, unimaginative casting choice, replaced him with filmdom's latest all-purpose creepizoid, Mads Mikkelsen.....(the same kind of worn out, tired choice of picking Christophe Waltz to play Blofeld in the last two Bond films. )
My eyes would roll too far upwards in my head trying to describe the plot of this nightmare in any detail. Grindelwald and Dumbledore (Jude Law) once enjoyed a passionate fling together as young men but now find themselves, in middle age, as mortal enemies. Hence an interminable journey to a big showdown to thwart Grindy's ascendance to Prime Minister of AbraCadabra (or whatever the high office they're all lusting for is called....)..As it drags on and on, 30,000 CGI animators concoct magic wand smackdowns that resemble Marvel movie hand-me-downs, and the usual array of mythical creatures, both insufferably cute and creepy......pardon me while I yawn.
At I've pointed out many times when dealing with strictly cash-grab sequels, trying to review a movie like this on its artistic merits is oxymoronic........this film really doesn't spring from people listed as writers and directors.....it's a creature hatched directly from the Warner Brothers accounting department.
For the most hardcore Harry Potter-ites, I guess it's required viewing. For the rest of us, a Zero Star (0) waste of time. Time to make it disappear from memory.......Ah....that feels better already.....
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