Once again, we've scored a coup.......a no-holds-barred, one-on-one interview with a real live cicada! "Cecil", as he prefers to be called, just flew in (literally) from Washington D.C., where he's spent the last few days crawling through Mitch McConnel's hair.....
Exclusively for BQ visitors, here's the transcript.....
BQ: Cecil, is it? So Cecil, what's it like incubating for 17 years and then suddenly coming out into the world?
CECIL: I'll tell ya, BQ, it's damn weird stuck in the ground, in the dark and all curled up with my head stuck up my ass. Kind of like a Trump supporter......
BQ: You've made quite a splash in the news the last few week, Ceec. Millions of your friends clogged up a press plane, forcing it to turn around. You've freaked out reporters by crawling on them during their live appearances.
CECIL: I know! Are we awesomely annoying or what? And no one can stop us anymore than they could stop the Trumpanzees from storming the Capitol to throw out democracy!
BQ: I have to say, for someone who's been laying low for 17 years, you're very well informed about current events....
CECIL: Yeah, I'm hooked on CNN. But when the news gets too much to deal with, when I just want to put my feet up, relax and laugh my ass off, there's always Fox News. Jeez, I'm really missing Trump's blog.....now that was some funny shit.
BQ: Indeed. So what've you been up to these days? Were you really in Mitch's hair?
CECIL: Oh hell no. That's another load of crap from QANON. They also claimed all of us cicadas were under the personal command of Hilary Clinton with orders to swoop down on school children and carry them off to human traffickers in Guatemala.
BQ: Then.....that's not true then.
CECIL: I'll check in with the High Command at the pizza shop and get back to you on that....heh, heh, heh. Kidding aside, I did in fact spend some time crawling around Mike Pence's head.
BQ: For real?
CECIL: True dat! That fly who was parked up there during the Vice Presidential debate.....he left a little sign on in Pence's hair..."This space for rent". What a joker......
BQ: What did you hear from Mike Pence's head?
CECIL: What can I tell ya. The outside of his head is just like the inside......empty. He was sittin' around watching an old Clint Eastwood movie...."Hang 'em High"......kept muttering to himself, 'why does this sound so familiar?'
BQ: You've become quite the Washington D.C. celebrity, haven't you?
CECIL: And lovin' every minute of it. Especially the GOP. They've all got the same brain size as me! I love those guys.
BQ: Uh....Cecil, you insects possess tiny, tiny, almost microscopic brains.
CECIL: That's why the ReTrumplikins and I are so simpatico! Especially that rocket scientist Louis Gohmert.
BQ: You mean the congressman who asked the Forestry service if they could alter the trajectory of the moon.
CECIL: Now there's guy I could sit down and crack open a Bud with. My peeps and I were thinkin' of throwing him a big luncheon and make him an honorary Cicada.....and the first annual "Brain Of A Bug" award.
BQ: He'll be honored, I'm sure. What are your plans for this summer?
CECIL: Oh, you know....the usual. Make enough noise to attract a girl of my species and jump her bones faster than Matt Gaetz slobbering over a 17 year old.
BQ: Well in that regard, Cecil, your goals do align with the GOP. The ones who can't screw underage girls, prefer to screw over the entire country.
CECIL: Listen, I hate to cut his short, but I gotta fly. I'm hoppin' a plane for the big Summit.
BQ: You mean.....the summit with Vladimir Putin?
CECIL: I heard he's lonely......misses his boytoy Donald, his very own sock puppet. So I figure I'd surprise him and crawl under this boxers.
BQ: Very commendable. In other words, you plan to become a bug up his ass.....
CECIL: It's what I do, baby. And you're welcome, America!
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