No one's supposed to have this, but here it is......24 hours in advance, all the scheduled events at President Trump's 4th Of July Parade and Celebration.......so be forewarned.....all of this constitutes SPOILER ALERTS!
10:00 AM TO 12 NOON - "Parade Of The Captive Children" Over 50 Flatbed trucks displaying cages that contain hundreds upon hundreds of jailed children separated from their parents.
Any spectator wearing a MAGA cap will be give free tomatoes and assorted small rocks to hurl at the cages as they go by......
12 NOON TO 2 PM - 'Very Good People' Marching Band One of the best parade bands in the country made up entirely of Neo-Nazis, complete with drums, brass, flutes and Tiki Torches. Includes the band's incredible finish - baton twirlers hop into a car and plow it into anyone not wearing a MAGA hat.
2 PM TO 4 PM "Tanks! You're Welcome!" A massive array of military might......the very same tanks that will soon deploy at the border to roll over asylum-seekers.....and next year, to form a defensive ring around the White House, should the President lose the election........
4 PM TO 6 PM Butchers On Parade A stunning procession of giant floating balloons honoring the President's most cherished friends.....including: realistic replica of the Saudi Crown Prince holding Jamal Khashoggi's left leg in his teeth,.... a.replica of Kim Jung Un throttling American student Otto Warmbier........and the showstopper, a 50 foot, smiling Vladimir Putin, a 'thumbs up' in one hand, the other hand clutching a pile of U.S. polling place ballots.......
6 PM TO 7 PM Melania Trump's "Be Best" Children's Choir The First Lady leads a choir of 4rth Graders in singing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me", while the President writes insulting nicknames for each of the kids on a 20 foot tall wipe-off board.
7 PM TO 7:08 PM Parade Of Celebrities Jon Voigt, Scott Baio and Kevin Sorbo wave, smile and beg for employment.
7:08 PM to 7:10 PM "Pants On Fire" float In a colorful tribute to fellow truth telling journalists, Kelly Anne Conway and Sarah Huckabee Sanders appear costumed as famous wartime propagandists Axis Sally and Tokyo Rose. Sarah keeps her head especially held up high.
7:10 PM TO 7:30 PM The "Access Hollywood" Pussy-Grabbing" Bus The very same original vehicle, now converted to a flower-decorated float......waving to crowds from the top of the bus: special parade guests R. Kelly and Harvey Weinstein.
7:30 PM TO 8 PM The "They're Not Heroes" Float An extra special attraction - a cage holding U.S. veterans who were prisoners of war.....(rounded up for the parade on the suspicion of being transgender). Once again, MAGA hat spectators get free tomatoes for throwing at them.
8 PM to 10 PM "MAKE AMERICA.....ME!" President Trump addresses the crowd and promises to uphold democracy for his next seven terms of office..
10 PM TO GLOBAL APOCALYPSE The Last Fireworks You'll Ever See National Security Adviser John Bolton sets off a spectacular launch of nuclear missiles headed for Iran.
And there you have it.........make sure to grill up lots of burgers and hot dogs.........and start digging that bomb shelter in a hurry......
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