50 SHADES OF HARRY STYLES............FAN FRICTION CAUSES AN "AFTER"-MATH

After (2019)      Eons ago, in BQ's Jurassic era, pop idol fans were content to gather in mobs and scream their heads off at the very mention or glimpse of their idols...........

              Today, they can write and post novels about their faves on Wattpad......which is sort of the on-line Library Of Congress for fledgling writers..........they can try out their prose on a vast worldwide audience without ever accumulating piles of publishers' rejection slips........

               And if they're rabid fans of a particular celebrity or character, they can imagine their own fractured version of them in their own stories........much like Trekkies pumped out their own adventures of Capt. Kirk and Spock.

              Hey, it's all good with BQ......good clean fun for all, both the scribbling fans and their readers......

              Except........when all this swoony, moony junk gets turned into real books and films......which brought us the "50 Shades Of Grey" plague, which began life as "Twilight" fan fiction.........

               .....and this abortion, spawned from a Wattpad novel, all about a turbulent romance between a virginal college girl and a brooding Brit modeled after 'One Direction' pop star Harry Styles......

               Maybe Styles should sue for defamation, since he's portrayed in this film as a sullen, monotone jerk, posing like a dead-eyed fashion model for a GQ cover.  The actor here, named, honest-to-blog, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, emotes only with his copious tattoos.......(yes, he's a nephew of Ralph and Joseph Fiennes, but without a single chromosome of his uncles' talents)

               As for the film's simpering cutie-pie, (Josephine Langford), the story not only inflicts her with Brooding Boy, but a coterie of nasty college buddies who behave like slasher-movie victims itching to get their throats cut...….

                Poor Harry Styles isn't the only pop-culture artifact that get's swiped here.......the plot's 'earth-shattering' dramatic twist comes freely lifted from the 1999 teen romance "She's All That"........and the ever droning pop-tune soundtrack sounds like all of it's been re-recorded by one of those 'American Idol' contestants who got kicked out of the first round of auditions.......

                But the worst is yet to come........sequels. This pool of twitter-ready twaddle, this calculated marketing tool posing as a film will rise again.....in "After We Collided"........Be afraid....be very afraid..... 

                  Therefore, BQ has no other choice but to present "After" with the lowest honor possible........the only award that comes with a 10% off coupon on any Steven Seagal movie in the Wal-Mart bargain bin........these actors and filmmakers more than earned it....

                  BQ proudly awards "After"  the mighty AFH......an ABOMINATION FROM HELL. Never did a movie deserve it more.