BQ caught up with the globe-trotting First Daughter as she hobnobbed with world leaders at the G20 Summit......
BQ: Ivanka, can we speak to you a minute?
IVANKA: Give me a sec.....(TO ASSEMBLED WORLD LEADERS:) Have any of you been on the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland? Oh my, does that ever put it in perspective for you......and besides, it's just the cutest thing ever......all those little dolls dressed up in your countries' costumes.....
BQ: Uh......Ivanka, they're all walking away. In disgust, from the look of it.......
IVANKA: Hey, everyone.....don't leave without your complimentary Ivanka Designer Bras! I autographed all of them! Now then, who are you, again?
BQ: The Beached Quill Blog.......Listen, isn't it fairly ridiculous for you to keep inserting yourself into world events like this? What is your job exactly......other than being the President's daughter?
IVANKA: First of all, you cannot address me by my first name. My formal job title is International Ambassadoress To The World At Large......or simply use Daddy's description......Her Royal Hotness.
BQ: But Ivanka, there's no royalty in the United States Of America. We're a democracy.
IVANKA: Oh not for long........Daddy's working on that. In fact, he promised me, after his 3rd term in office, he'd officially hold a coronation, making Jared and I the Duke And Duchess Of D.C.
IVANKA: What a treat! Daddy usually prefers I only speak to the leaders who haven't killed anybody yet......he prefers to keep the global murderers all to himself, but he made an exception this time. I told Kim how amazing it is that he keeps all the North Koreans slim and trim......they all look like they could fit into my latest designer creations!
BQ: That's cause he's starving them.
IVANKA: Well, I'm a glass half-full kind of gal.....on the bright side, he's certainly licked the obesity problem over there....except for himself, maybe.....
BQ: Ivanka, what I and most of America can't quite understand..........what in God's name are your qualifications for being in the White House?
IVANKA: I think it's a combination of many things, really.........mainly, I'm smokin' hot and the President's daughter. That about covers it, don't you think?
BQ: And that qualifies you to converse with world leaders and advise the President?
IVANKA: (WHISPERING OUT LOUD:) Don't spread this around, okay......but between you and me, there's nobody in our administration who's qualified to do any of the crap we're supposed to be doing.......(GIGGLES).......
BQ: Um......does that include your father?
IVANKA: Especially Daddy! Hey, wait......don't I know you? Aren't you the guy who calls Daddy 'Baby Orange' on that nasty blog?
BQ: I know you're busy, so I'll let you get back to whatever it is you think you do......thanks for taking the time-
IVANKA: Security!
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