Saturday, June 22, 2019

THEY'RE BAAAAAAAAAAACK!.........A CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH "EARTH VS.THE FLYING SAUCERS"

Earth Vs.The Flying Saucers (1956)    Here we go again......

             Fresh from the 'Everything Old Is New" department.......UFO's!!!!!

             They're back in the news again, hot-rodding through the skies and confounding pilots in the air and scaring observers on the ground........

               So sad though........chances are, none of 'em look as cool as Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion saucers, with their own madly spinning mid-sections, death rays, and metal-encased ancient aliens......

                How can those newly sighted UFOs ever hope to compete with Harryhausen's?  I bet those sorry suckers don't come equipped with the INFINITELY INDEXED MEMORY BANK like Ray's do......which looks like a glowing white rose and can suck the brain right out of your head in seconds flat........leaving you only fit to become a Trump supporter........

                 And the new UFOs don't even have a cool spokes-voice to threaten the earth with........as opposed to Harryhausen's, who rely heavily on voice-over master Paul Frees.......since the aliens prefer to hang out in a kind of jello force field, Frees delivers all his ominous threats sounding like he's working through 4 mouthfuls of vodka jello shots......

                 I'm not waiting for these new UFOs to do us all a favor like Ray's fleet......by crashing into the Capitol building...........but hope springs eternal. Who wouldn't dream of seeing Mitch McConnell's inert limbs sticking out underneath a saucer that just landed on top of him.......the Wicked Wizard of Kentucky finally crushed.........ding dong, the douchebag's dead.......

                 If these new alien invaders expect to stay relevant, they'd better get a Facebook page.....and Twitter......and Instagram......maybe do carpool karaoke with James Corden.....

                  Ray Harryhausen's old school aliens needed none of that crap........they preferred to blow shit up, crash into national monuments and disintegrate our vast military forces......(which, due to the extreme low budget, mostly consisted of three guys with rifles, stretched out on stomachs.....)

                   BQ memo to aliens: check this movie out.........and don't let your spokes-alien open his big fat mouth without those jello shots..........4 stars (****)

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