Friday, June 28, 2019

NONE OF OUR BUSINESS, BUT BQ'S GOT THE SECRET TRUMP-PUTIN TRANSCRIPT!!!!!

                 After shouting it was "none our our business" what he and Putin discussed, BQ spared no expense to sneak a bug into Baby Orange's top secret meeting with the ex-KGB thug.....whose original spy code name was Rat-Face 001 & 1/2.......

                 My deepest thanks to gorgeous, resourceful  MI6 double-agent 008 (Code name:           Pee-Onya) for translating Putin's end of the conversation..........

Trump:   Remember what I said, you hairless little borscht-bastard......no more meddling in our election.......(SOUND OF BOTH MEN GIGGLING.....)

Putin:     Okay, Donnie, whatever you say. No meddling.......I promise. I swear on the graves of the last five people I had killed.

Trump:   Journalists?  Oh please tell me it was news guys.  Make my day, Vladdy.

Putin:      Heh, heh, heh........I never kill and tell. What's the problem, pee-boy?  You don't like the....eh,what do you call it again?  'Fake' news?   See what freedom of the press gets you?  With you, everyone knows the fake news isn't fake, right?

Trump:     I know, I know. The press is killin' me, let me tell ya........I thought the least they could do is give me a prize when I hit 10,000 lies.......you know, like when you win 50 bucks if you're the 6th caller on the radio station trivia quiz

Putin:        I always win those.......they know if they don't judge me the 5th caller, a snoot full of nerve gas comes out of their microphone.....

Trump:       Vladinator, you the man!   (SOUND OF 'HIGH FIVE' SLAP.....)

Putin:         Enough chit-chat. Down to business.  Next year, I got 20,000 phony Facebook posts lined up for you, plus 45,000 fake Instagrams........top-notch stuff - Bernie and Biden having their diapers changed, Pete Buttigieg cheating on his husband with Rupaul, Elizabeth Warren dressed up as Geronimo for Halloween.......

Trump:        I love it!

Putin:            Shhhh!  Don't yell that out loud like your idiot son did the last time around.......you got the FBI under control yet?

Trump:         Not to worry. My personal lawyer, Bill Barr's on their ass. Trust me, he'll keep those boy scouts on a short leash.....

Putin:           Personal lawyer?  Isn't that toad supposed to be the Attorney General?

Trump:        (SOUND OF GIGGLING) Technically,  yeah......hee, hee, hee, hee.......

Putin:            Trumpkin, you're the best agent I've ever fielded. Tell you what.......if things don't work out, you can defect to Russia, hang out with me here........we'll ride horses naked, take vodka intravenously, torture a few prisoners in the KGB basement just to stay sharp.......I'll build you your own little Trump tower to live in......with onion domes on the top.....and a 24/7 McDonald's......

Trump:         Sounds incredible. You'll save that special girl for me?

Putin:            Ah, you mean Pee-Onya. I'll have her ready...… I'll make her drink 3 quarts of ice tea before she shows up.......with no underwear.....

Trump:         Oh, Vlad-o-rama, she's so my type! Not like all those ugly bitches I pussy-grab on planes and dressing rooms. Look at how hard I'm getting........I swear, you'd think Ivanka walked into the room......

Putin:         Listen, before we wrap things up here, I send regards......your little boy-toy Kim says hello, sends hugs and kisses.....

Trump:       Did he?  Awwww, that cute little eggroll.......I just wanna wrap him up,  take 'im home with me and put 'im on the shelf.........does me miss me?

Putin:         Does he ever. Remember that waitress who put down the wrong fork in front of you at the summit lunch?  Kim had her and her whole family shot.

Trump:         Aw, what a protective little huggy bear.  I gotta roll, Vladski, See ya at the 2020 inauguration......cause ya know, it can't happen without you.

Putin:            Believe me, I know. ..

Trump:         We'll get it done, you and I. Don't forget, I'm a stable genius.

Putin:           (SPOKEN IN RUSSIAN:)  Das Vadanya, you Useful Idiot.

Trump:         (TO INTERPRETER)  What'd he say?

Interpreter:   Toodle-Ooo.

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