Sunday, June 30, 2019

DEMS' DEBATES EXPERTLY ANALYZED!.......BY BQ CONTRIBUTORS GODZILLA & KING GHIDORAH.......

              Even as I post this, pundits from 24/7 cable news networks are still blah-blah-bla-ing about the two nights of Democratic Candidates debates........

               Turn off that noise.......BQ has all the analysis you'll ever need......from two debaters who know what it's like to go....uh.....head-to-3-heads against each other........Godzilla, King Of the Monsters....and King Ghidorah, notorious 3-headed flying dragon from another planet and rabid Fox News viewer........

                Per the last interview I conducted with these two, King Ghidorah's three independent heads are referred to as KG #1, #2, # 3.......

BQ:       Good to see you again, boys.  So you watched both debates?

G:           Holy hot breath, I haven't seen so much hot air and hot tempers flyin' around since we
                filmed "Destroy All Monsters" back in the  60's.   

KG# 1:   And did you notice how badly Hilary did?  Not a word out of her!

G:           Maybe it's cause she wasn't there, you imbecile.....

KG# 2:   Lock her up!  Lock her up!  Lock her up!

G:          (MUTTERING)   Jesus......three heads and he's still got a combined I.Q. the same as
               Trump's.....in the low 20's.......

BQ:         So tell me, what did you think of Kamala Harris going after Joe Biden on the whole
                racial  thing?

KG# 3     She's not even black!  And she was born in Norway!  I've got investigators all over the
                world looking into this. Let me tell you, they can't believe what they're finding!

G:             And neither can anyone else with at least a few functioning brain cells......which leaves
                  you out. Where did you get all this bullshit info anyway?

KG# 3      From unimpeachable sources... Straight from Don Trump Jr. and Sarah Huckabee
                  And everyone knows they wouldn't lie about a thing like this!

G:            Unimpeachable huh?  Well, there's an adjective you can't apply to Trump......snap!
                 KG, you Tri-Moron, you've been served!

BQ:         Boys, boys.....let's get back to the debates.

G:            Listen, I know how hard it is to make yourself heard in a crowded field. Usually, I
                gotta be extra obnoxious, swish my tail into a few buildings for attention,.....
                out scream everybody in the room.
          
BQ:          You mean like Bill De Blasio, the New York Mayor?

G:             Yeah, exactly. He reminds me of Kong. Big chest pounder. Less hair, though.

BQ:          So who do you think came out well in these debates?  Who do you think bombed?

KG# 1:     Clown car!  Except......I did love that Marianne Williamson. She sounds like she came
                  from my home planet.......

G:             Yeah, right out of Uranus......(SNICKERS TO HIMSELF....)......I don't know what kind
                  of a President she'd be, but she'd do a hell of job at singing Mothra awake.....

KG# 2:      Hey,  I just got this off of Don Jr.'s Twitter! Kamala Harris is secretly an albino Swede
                  with a spray tan! 

KG# 3:      I knew it!  I knew it!  What'd I tell ya!

G:              Let's put it this way.......it doesn't make any difference how well or badly any of 'em
                  did at the debates. Even a sticky,slimy piece of Mothra's leftover larva cocoon would
                  make a better President than Trump.

KG #1,2,3: (ALL YELLING AT ONCE....)  Socialist! Immigrant hugger! Snowflake!

G:             Excuse me??? Snowflake????  Suck on these snowflakes, you brainless, 3 headed
                 Trumpanzees;......(SOUND OF GODZILLA SPEWING RADIOACTIVE FIERY 
                 BREATH .....)

BQ:          Whoa.....easy guys......I love a spirited debate, but setting your opponent on fire tends
                   to cheapen our national discourse.....and King Ghidorah do all three of you have to
                  wear the red MAGA hats all at once? One would make enough of a statement.

KG#1:        Haven't you checked Facebook this morning?!  True story.......how come you never
                   see Kamala Harris and Taylor Swift together at the same time! Think about it!

BQ:           Seriously, King, I wouldn't trust a Facebook account from someone named
                  "Vlad The Impaler".........anyway, thanks so much for stopping by with analysis, guys.

G:               Anybody up for a 'Toy Story 4' matinee?

KG # 1:      How 'bout 'Annabelle Comes Home'  ?  What a little sweetheart....... 






         
     

    

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